My sister is almost 50 and has always lived at home with our now elderly parents. She has a very short temper and they live in fear of upsetting her. For example, she works from home and screams at them if she can hear them talking in the next room. She loses her temper over the smallest things, such as if they are in her way or don’t hear what she says the first time. She doesn’t hit them but she shouts and slams about. An internal door has come off its hinges in the past. She doesn’t do any housework and only occasionally buys a few treaty things for meals. My mum is in her 80s and struggles with the shopping and cleaning for the whole household as well as managing all the household bills and repairs. My dad is disabled, struggles to walk and is at risk of falling all the time.
One of the worst things is that my sister has started hoarding. The spare bedroom is full
floor to ceiling with clothes, snacks, souvenirs etc. The family dining table is also covered with all kinds of junk so that my parents have to
eat off their knees in the living room.
it’s making them miserable but my mum won’t discuss it. She says it’s fine and she doesn’t want to talk about it. But then she will be upset to me on the phone and tell me she is ashamed to let people into to the house . I can also see how bad it is for them.
I think my sister is on the autistic spectrum but has never been diagnosed. She has a job
and friends so appears to be functioning ok but she has never had to manage on her own and still lives very much like a child. She has never had a boyfriend and has poor social
skills. When she is stressed, for example if something unexpected happens, she will start shouting and swearing or just jump up and run off.
I don’t know how to help them but I can see it getting to the point where something needs to be done as my parents become more frail.
The household relies on my mum but she is now getting forgetful and needs help herself.
I live several hours away and visit as much as I can afford to. I have a job and children plus the cost of hotels is expensive so it’s hard to be there all the time.
Has anyone experienced this? Who can I contact to help them? I thought maybe social set does but I think my mum would never forgive me if I did that.