Why is my mother so stubborn

[Canjo]

Are all older people like this?

Christmas is coming up and there is a child in the family but lives abroad with my brother and wife abroad. We usually send a Christmas parcel.

We know Christmas has been coming for weeks now. My mother is struggling with a gift.

I mean like, there is some excuse for me not having a gift on time for the postal dates. If you saw my work secudule from September it was sutterly utterly sickening and there's no end in sight to it. I have to take sick days most weeks to get a break from it. Otherwise work would have me working 6 days a week - 10 to 15/16 hours a day.

I did find something online and I saw sitting for delivery now.

I gave my mother an idea for a gift. I found a gift box from IKEA that it a colour in and it's a wildlife theme. I did buy it. I gave my mother any idea to maybe fill it with some colours, as one example. Or she gets some jewellery.

My mother was extremely critical of all and of the suggestions that I gave her.

I tried online shopping before but from their country and it doesn't usually go very well. A lot of shops just don't take my card. We can't send cash in the mail but I know my mother ignores that every single year. She will put cash in a card and she will not declare it. It's not 5 or 10 pounds cash. It's more like 100 or more.

I know Amazon is likely the best option however my mother has no cut off point when it comes to stuff. I think a 100 would be more than enough for a gift card but she's someone who would do 500 gift card or more and it's just too much. My brother and his wife, they don't usually shop like that either. They prefer physical shops and they have no use for such a large Amazon voucher.

I'm so disappointed because my mother has argued with any suggestions that I made. She was overly critical of everything.

Now at this stage, I will say no more about it and she's on her own. She can organise a gift of she wants and just leave me out of it. It's up to her if she wants to send a gift or not and upset her grandchild.

It shouldn't be so hard.

Yes, all "older people" are like this. Every single one of them.

Are all younger people bossy and controlling?

you’ve given yourself the answer, you send your gift , let her do what she wants to do

Did she ask for your help in choosing a gift, is it just from her or a joint gift with you. Why can't she just send money if she wants to, if it gets lost that's not your problem.

Why not just let your mother do what she likes and be responsible for her own relationship with her son and grandchild?

Being 'too generous' is hardly the crime of the century.

She's making unwise choices. You have tried to help and it didn't work. Take a step back. It's not your responsibility.

Why do you get to judge? Your mum is entitled to do as she pleases And take pleasure it. You're verging on bullying her. Leave her alone.

She also did ask for my help in helping her with a gift. She has t a clue what to get and she did ask. But any suggestions that I made have been critised.

Theres last postal dates to make in 2 and half weeks time. She didn't even start on Christmas shopping. She was in town yesterday but she only did her usually thing. She didn't even look for a gift for the child.

I am not judging or bullying her. She would send cash unregistered in the post and that is just now wise, at all.

Surley your work would be less hectic if you weren't taking sick days most weeks.

If she wanrs to send money safely can it be transferred directly into the child's parents bank account online,either help her do that or she gives you cash and you transfer it online from your account. If she puts cash in the post and it goes missing that's her loss but online transfers are easy to do in every currency.

I work in care and if it was up to my work I would be working 6/7 days a week. There were weeks in September through to October where I was working 6 days and then in October there was a good three weeks solid. We are now the second week in November and this is my 6th day in the week.

I'm.only human and I can only do so much and I need my own time off according to the law and all and I have to just start taking sick days to get free time from work. Otherwise I would be working literally around the clock.

This is your problem with your mother.

To assume all 'old' people (no idea what you deem to be old though) might be like this is stupid. And risible.

How many hours a month are you contracted to work, did you opt out of working time directives. You should only be working your contracted hours.

I wanted to start my Christmas shopping back in October but work took an awful fucking dump on me. Only by chance I got something online during the week and I am waiting on delivery now. I was hoping to go shopping yesterday but I was genuinely too ill and now I am back to work yet again. I only have next weekend to top up my own Christmas shop and then that's it.

My mother has all the time in the world to get this done but she has t even started. She doesn't know what to get. I made suggestions but she critised all of it.

As a nurse I used to work 7 on, 7 off, times have changed but we never went over our monthly hours unless it was chosen overtime

My contract has something called 'banking hours'. It was originally claimed some weeks I would be required to work less and other weeks more. That never really happened though and it was on the higher side of hours. There were weeks I was putting in 60/70/80/90 hours.

I hate it.
I never signed up towards work like this.

I got a message earlier from someone I know asking me to babysit for next weekend and I would love to help but I have no idea what work is going throw at me for the week ahead and if I will even have time to change my knickers.

Then step back, the worse that happens is the child doesn't get a gift on time. It's not even December yet, you've plenty of time to do your shopping.

Are you bank or agency staff, you can resign and look for a permanent job with a set number of working hours. There are always jobs for carers.

She has loads of time.
Chill!

Theres last posting dates in two and half weeks to the rest of the world.

She hasnt even started shopping and she she doesn't know when she's going to do it. She's not working. She's retired. There's no excuse in the world how she's left it this late. The thing that annoyed me is that she became extremely critical of any suggestions it ideas I made when she asked for my help.

She's hasn't a notion to get any of it. It just looks bad how she can't organise this on time.

Then just leave it, you're the only one getting wound up, step back and don't get involved, none of this matters.

She wants to send a joint parcel. At this stage I am secretly planning on just finishing my own Christmas shop (hopefully next weekend) and just boxing up my own and sending it without telling her.

There's some chaos in the way you talk about this that seems more than just a busy job. Are you ok?

It doesn't sound like you're able to set boundaries for yourself, either with work or with your mother.

Sure others will disagree but I'm getting a neurodivergent flavour from you and quite possibly your mum here - sounds like a real difficulty with organisation, task initiation, etc.

If your mum wants to send a gift along with you, draw out a visual calendar of the days between now and the date you are posting it and highlight the deadline day for her. Then post yours on the deadline day and if she isn't ready let her post hers late.

@Canjo you don't have to work 6 days a week at those hours. It's illegal.

Ask the relatives what the child would like.

That way you can tell your mum that
"xyz has been suggested by the parents who said child would love it. Do you want me to get it?"
If she says yea then go ahead. If she says no tell her you're going to get it from yourself then and will aim to post by x date so if she wants to send her gift then too she can let you know.

Ball in her court. Old people are annoying.