Have phoned Adult Social Care not sure what I am hoping to achieve

[fortifiedwithtea]

I have posted a few times on this board. My situation is this, my mother is late 80’s, she lives independently, my Dad died many years ago. I am an only child, I have several health conditions of my own. Epilepsy has the biggest impact as I can not drive and live 14 miles away. To cap it all I am carer for my DD2 adult with intellectual disabilities.

This year has been difficult for DM. She had a mild stroke in April and has lost her balance. House is as adapted as it can. Stair lift, bath lift, grab rails zimmer frame and walking stick both upstairs and downstairs. She has many other health problems glaucoma, hearing impaired (refuses to wear her hearing aids), takes water tablets, blood thinners, statins. But she has full capacity, mentally still very sharp for her age.

I have lasting POA for both health and finance since the stroke but as I said mum still has full capacity.

The latest health problem came to light 12 days ago. She had a very severe bleed, a varicose vein ruptured. She was given a blood transfusion and discharged just 18 hours later. My eldest DD1 stayed with her overnight and I took over care for the next 5 days. It was clear she had been discharged from hospital too early but we all just got on with it.

On Monday (10days passed bleed) she was seen at old persons clinic . Despite the blood transfusion the haemoglobin level is now lower than it was on discharge, she has lost a lot of weight over recent months, she is weak, fatigued, feels nauseous, extremely cold and her lymph nodes are up. Noticeable lumps.

Either she has internal bleeding somewhere or she has lymphoma. Waiting for urgent CT scan and told to take her straight to A&E if she becomes more unwell.

I phoned social services today to find out who to log her keysafe code with. Drawn a blank on that still no further forward. Then I asked to be sign posted to someone for advice. Explained the history, someone will call back.

Thing is I dont really know what carers can do? Mum is very independent and has always been very antisocial. She will resist carers. She wouldn’t have them after she had the stroke. Only tolerated the OT and physio under sufferance and was more than glad for them to stop coming after the 6 week support..

Ideally I’d like someone to fix her some lunch as this is the meal she neglects the most and do some light housework. Is this possible?

And I feel so guilty and disloyal for even raising concerns with Social services.

Lunch could be a carer responsibility. Housework generally isn't but they should be able to signpost to appropriate services - round here Age UK have a Home Help service for example.

Does she have a falls button? If so they be told the key safe number. If not then think about her having one - its not just for falls, they will call for any kind of help. You can also tell your local ambulance service (they will have a PALS number).

Does she get attendance allowance? that would pay for cleaners. Is there a meals on wheels service locally?

@olderbutwiser she doesn’t have attendance allowance, I did print off the application but the form was too daunting, need to fine some energy to complete it.

she wears a button. I don’t know if it would detect a fall. I think she has to press it and someone would phone my Dd1 because she has a car. I want the ambulance service to know the keycode but don’t know how to make that happen

Could she have lunch delivered? Some companies deliver a hot meal or a sandwich.

@username7891 thats something to research, thank you

No problem. When I was looking into this for my mum, I found a local company who delivered lunch. They would even put it into the kitchen for you ( if they had access obviously).

Citizens advice bureau may be able to support with completing the Attendance allowance form

Age UK helped me to fill in Attendance Allowance form. I got the full rate. It can pay for a cleaner and gardener.

Some local councils subsidise hot lunch delivery. This isn't based on the person's financial position but on other factors such as age and mobility. For a few pounds more (cheaper then an agency carer visit) some of these companies will also do a welfare check and stay and serve lunch, have a chat etc I was completely unaware of this until my 92 year old FIL needed assistance and I researched help available on my local Council's website. Please also apply for attendance allowance, it could lead to help with other things.

As well as an assessment for your Mum, you could also request a carer's assessment for yourself - there may be additional support for you in your caring role.

Sorry I missed your other thread but is there a reason you can't discuss this with her? Is she likely to accept carers coming in at this stage? A call alarm pendant would be a good idea as the key safe number can be logged. I've worked as a community nurse for many years and usually recommend care line to people.

Which company is her button connected to, they may have upgrades to a falls detector service so she wouldn't have to press it. They should have contact details of all the responders including the ambulance service and can log the keysafe number for her.

@OhshutupSimonyounobhead I have in the last few days said to DM that she needs help with the house. Her response was I can’t think about that now. What I noticed is different about the last few weeks is if anything is dropped on the floor , it stays on the floor. She doesn’t trust her balance to pick up and has a sore back. The solution to this is I’ve ordered a litter picker from Amazon. Enquired whether OT could give her one but budget cutbacks they couldn’t.

She has an ‘aid call’ type button on her wrist. I have no idea who the company is behind this service. It was supplied by the care team at our County Council. Adult social care don’t appear to know. At this point I may as well press the button myself and see who answers

@MissMoneyFairy crossed with my last reply. I don’t have a clue and not finding it easy to find out. I was given an 0330 number to ring today but it rings 3 times and cuts out

Press it and speak to whoever rings it back on the phone. It might also show up on her phone bill statement

It may have been set up by the hospital social services if the council adult social services have no record

If you can get a Social Worker assigned to your mum that will be helpful for you and her both. We have recently got one for my mum and I find I can ask her for advice and she knows how the system works.

Get her gp to ask for a social services accessment , this used to be the route , but to be honest in many places its on its knees . AGE UK may help with attendence allowance and may help point out other services.

I have just done the Attendance Allowance form.
Don't try to do their fully online one, it was awful.
But the download and fill put online pdf one was OK, at the end you print sign and send.
It looks daunting but was OK once I got into it as I know my DM's needs quite well (she didn't change much when we reviewed it).

If you look up your local Citizens' Rights Bureau, someone there should help. The form is very daunting. First time I applied for my late mum the application was declined. I think it was the third attempt that worked, and her condition hadn't changed.

I was later told that you have to concentrate on what the person can't do on their worst day.

I used to volunteer on the Age UK help line, please give them a call, it's a great service. They have a benefits adviser service that can tell you what you are entitled to and they'll fill the form out with you in person. They can signpost you to help
Citizens Advice Beurau is very very busy and the wait list for help is very long, at least in my area.

Does she have savings to pay herself for private cleaner etc?

This sounds tough OP. Just a minor point from a vascular surgeon .

1. Has she stopped the blood thinners ? . She needs to temporarily.
2. Has she been referred to a vascular surgeon so they can inject the vein that bled to prevent it happening again ?

Yes, I got what used to be called 'meals on wheels' set up for my dad. They deliver a hot meal daily around late morning and it's in an insulated foil tray to keep hot. The price was pretty reasonable considering and you could have a pudding too. I would search your council's website and ask someone if not. Mine didn't do a welfare check as such but with delivery every day they were at least seeing my dad answer the door.

I can't help with your question but we set up a few smart speakers around the house, if she has a fall she can shout 'Alexa call King', haven't used it in anger yet but appears to work.

Magic words ' this is an unsafe discharge'
Further magic words: " I do not live locally and work full time. What can you suggest to keep my mother safe?"