Hoarding mother sending 20 boxes of books!

[Toomanysquishmallows]

Hi , hoping for a sympathetic ear . My 78 year old narcissist mum lived in a care home . She has cousins clearing her house . I live 70 miles away and have two children with autism. We live in a very small council flat . On Wednesday the cousins arrived and deposited 20 boxes of books and rubbish! I’m talking filthy kitchen scales and cheese graters . I know have an unusable living room . I spoke to my mum today , and she merely said I could wait for my brother who I barely see to collect the stuff. I’m currently in total despair at the state of my flat .

ooh never bin photos I sell them on ebay the most mundane photos go for a fortune anyone got any spare!

I can’t understand why you let them bring it all in?

Scan the books and see if a big chunk can be collected

The grater, odds and ends, unsellable books put on a message on face book groups saying you’re giving things away for free. Post a picture of items. Put a pile of stuff outside your home saying’ free please take’

@Mrsjayy , you are correct, my mum is a completely entitled narcissist, who expects everyone to do her bidding except my brother.She has had years and years to sort photos etc , but hasn’t , hence the simmering resentment.

That's such a shame that's come to this. I hope you.can get the things away from your flat. If you can be arsed charity shops can collect books from you.

I would be inclined to tell your mum, in the circumstances, that you have found a couple of charities who are very grateful for the books and bits. Just don't mention the names of these imaginary charities or use the word 'junk' in any context! After all, your mum will not think of it as 'junk', far from it, so be kind...

What a cheek to just dump it on you .
I would ring and say if it's not gone by end of the weekend it'll be going to the tip . I'd normally say charity shop but it sounds rank

@hattie43 , honestly I would have been embarrassed taking some of the items to a charity shop .

I cant fathom why you would have let them in to dump the stuff, however now that you have, there are people who could collect it and take it to the dump, or those bag collections that are like skips (cant remember the name of them - cheaper than a skip anyway), I wouldnt be going through anything, why didnt the cousins go through it all either?

@soupfiend , it’s ridiculous but they are elderly and I was embarrassed to say no . Which is pathetic I know .

those bag collections that are like skips (cant remember the name of them

Hippo bag.

Honestly, if they can carry 20 boxes of books and random crap into your flat then they can't be that infirm.

Surely they must have made several journeys in and out, ferrying all the stuff? I know it's hard to close the door and say No. But they are the ones being rude here, not you.

Please, please ignore the well intentioned suggestions on how to sell or recycle this stuff, that's fine for people who have space and time and choose to do so.

Please get it to the tip ASAP for your health and sanity.

Your cousins are arses for bringing it over in the first place.

@HangingOnJustAbout , thank you so much , it really is causing a problem. My partner and I have been arguing about it .

To the T I P

No, not pathetic, I understand.

Good luck

The photos might have been important to your Mum. I'd have taken photos of each photo first.

That’s ridiculous

Then mum should have asked politely if daughter wanted then. And not burden daughter woth 20 boxes of rubbish. Not daughter to blame here.

An old lady has died across the road to me, they’ve filled one skip this week. My MIL was becoming a hoarder of paperwork, when she wasn’t in the room, I would put some in a bag each week to take home and dispose of.

@caringcarer , honestly my mum has had years to sort the photos , I just don’t have the space for them

20 BOXES OF PHOTOS. How long do you think it'd take to go through them all and take photos of them? Unless those boxes were the size of a box of tea bags that's literally months of work. And if they really were important why didn't the owner of the photos do it?

It would be ridiculous to go through every photo, I have recently been clearing out my elderly parents' posesssions and it's a nightmare ... no one wants old photos ... I do sort some out but it was a thankless task and there's only so many photos I can hang on to until my own DC have to sort them out ... (I actually did find items from my own GPs born in the very early 1900s amongst all the stuff ... !).

And no one wants old dusty books, yes there might be a rare first edition but it's unlikely, I volunteer in a charity shop and we get inundated with boxes of old, dusty, stained books ... the vast majority have no value whatsoever and we have to pay to get rid of them.

It's an important lesson to all of us to regularly de-clutter.

@Toomanysquishmallows similar situation although mother still alive. I’ve been blown away by a sibling who messaged me nearly a year ago about parents garage area. Hoarding situation. He is 54 . It has been a “shop” read for that hoarded boxes of shite for over 30 years. Now he notices. When my situation ends I’m literally putting everything in a skip. Went shopping for mother last week. Do you need anything…..yes I’ve no soap. Ok..what soap do you use? Took a couple of bars of simple soap. She goes to put it away ….4 bars in the drawer. She didn’t fight in the second world War but makes out like she did. She lived a comfortable life as a kid . It’s all manipulation. Her house is rammed with very expensive clothes and out of date food. Can I sort it? No. I’m exhausted. She tells me she is bored and lonely. I call but my time is spent cleaning washing and shopping. I suggest she sorts out cupboards etc. apparently she doesn’t know how to. So her. All beneath her. Yet she will let me clean for hours on end watching over me and then criticising my low standards…..regular declutter should be made a part of life.