Dad said carers are not nice to him

[Remmy123]

My dad is in a care home - was an alcoholic, not looking after himself, decline in mobility, I am not sure he has dementia def has some memory loss other than that he is mentally fine. He is 76.

when I go in the see him the careers speak to him like he is a child, im starting to find this really patronising and it's getting on his nerves. Feeding him like a baby with puréed food, not sure this is necessary.

my dad said today that a couple of the men shouted at him and none of them are as nice as they seem.

he told me who the guy was and I spoke to him and he laughed and seemed bemused.

they say my dad keeps pressing the buzzer and being quite demanding.

i am not sure what to do with this information and now im worried - he said a few weeks ago that a couple of them punched him so he punched them back?!

thanks

Report it to the manager in writing and also see if you can contact the CQC. Does he have a Social Worker?

Are there cameras in the home?

I’m so sorry to hear this. It could be confusion but it is sadly quite likely that he is receiving substandard care and if so it needs to be investigated and action taken.

I recently lost my dad to alcohol related disease and he definitely had some cognitive impairment by the end. He also hallucinated A LOT and was very convincing so if I hadn't known that was he was saying could not be true, I would have believed him.

That is not to say there isn't something going on and I think there is a tendency to 'baby' elderly people because if they're helpless, they tend to be docile and easy to look after. This may be a cynical view but it's what I've witnessed.

I would raise concerns with a manager and ask that a record is made of the conversation, then monitor the situation.

Sending support as well. It's so tough when you want to look after them and don't know what to do for the best.

You need to trust in him and raise it. So many people come into hospital with things that are not right or who are evidently not being well looked after by carers. There are also plenty who are well looked after but he's reaching out to you for help and there are plenty of instances of substandard care, negligence and even abuse so advocate for him.

That is not to say there isn't something going on and I think there is a tendency to 'baby' elderly people because if they're helpless, they tend to be docile and easy to look after. This may be a cynical view but it's what I've witnessed.

I agree @TooManyAnimals94 . Speaking to them in a stupid high pitched sing-song voice and generally treating them like they’re dimwitted children, not adults. I have seen this quite a lot.

My father told us that one carer used to scrub his back so hard in the shower it was painful and left his back raw. Another used to do shopping for him and buy all kinds of unsuitable stuff he didn’t need or want, wasting his money. He absolutely refused to let us complain. This was care at home via an agency. It was heartbreaking.

How reliable is his narrative usually? Can his recollections and perspective be trusted?
My experience is of my grandmother. Older than your father to fair BUT no dementia diagnosed and no Alzheimer’s.
She is in care home. I believe it to be petty good. Not perfect and some carers are better than others.
If I listened to the things she tells me then I would have them all down as abusive and thieves.
She believes they come in at night an take her stuff- nothing has ever gone missing. They don’t feed her- she’s forgotten she ate.
No one comes to dress her- she shouted at them and told them to leave her alone.
Speak to the manager and find out what’s going on just be aware that some of what your being told may not be terribly accurate.

Equally, some of what the managers tell concerned relatives may not be terribly accurate, @Smartiepants79. From experience, there are plenty of bad and abusive carers.

Thanks all

the is a council funded care home as he has no assets - they are all Indian some have limited English, they all seemed lovely to me but today just felt a bit 'off' when I went the patronising way they speak like he is stupid.

i didn't even think to see if there are cameras I am quite sure there isn't in his room though I think I wouid have noticed

im worried as I am away on holiday for two weeks as is my sibling

another worry is he could be stuck there for years and years ...

im going to email them my concerns tomorrow at least then they know im
suspicious so if there is any funny business they may stop

he said one of the men had a tattoo on his neck they did say no one with a tattoo was there I wanted to go around looking but I had to leave

thanks alll

Agree with this. According to MIL everyone steals her things and pushes her over. We have CCTV evidence of her chucking herself to the ground. And she calls one of her carer's a Bastard because he won't let her out.

I spoke to my dad today and one of the men that supposedly shouted helped him in to a hoist so they can move him to a wheel chair and his colleague said dan he not report him because he is really worried?!

there are no cameras in his room

it's v hard to know what to do

I am a social worker for the elderly and I strongly advise you to report this to the local authority helping to pay for your dad’s stay in residential care. Please do it asap, this is totally unacceptable behaviour. I would be asking for him to be placed in a different care home too . The CQC should carry out an investigation but your dad does not have to remain there while this is ongoing.

I can't make sense of this?

But follow @TellySavalashairbrush's advice. This is not something to ignore. My dad had carers that seemed nice but were dangerous. If I hadn't been in and out a lot I would never have known.

I'd put 2 secret nanny cameras in his room. Then you'll know for sure. Make sure the have audio.

Yes I am going to do this

I am away now on holiday but will do once I am back

I am worried sick about it to be honest he can't even walk so very vulnerable

Just wanted to add that he can't remember what they were shouting at him about! But he said they were having a right go at home, with the door closed!

@2sisters is right, put 2 secret cameras at different angles in the room.

You need to report this

I think it's possible that not all the details are right, and that he might struggle to tell a coherent story, AND he's not being treated well, and being patronised.

Has he seen a speech therapist? Why is he on a pureed diet? Is that going to be reviewed? For example, it might have been a good idea if he was ill, but then might not be needed later on.

I’m a speech therapist and we prescribe puréed foods if a patient has dysphagia and care homes shouldn’t be giving purée food unless it’s been recommended by a speech therapist. Ask them why they’re giving purée and if a speech therapist has seen him.

Thanks

he was in and out of hospital as kept falling (drink related, not looking after his type 2 diebeties) the speech team put in his care plan that he is to eat puréed food due to choking hazard not I've watched him eat a magnum perfectly fine

we do not know why he can't walk - they say cognitive decline but he hasn't been diognosed with dementia

he has lost significant amount of weight despite eating (puréed food)

him nor I know why he can't walk and why the weight loss!

he has regular blood tests but I've no answers why he is bed ridden

i write an email to the home last night but it bounced back so I had the wrong but I'll tweak and resend tomorrow

do I have to tell them
im putting a camera in the room? I guess I do...

I would honestly listen to the speech therapists. Dysphagia related aspiration pneumonia is the biggest cause of death in dementia and aspiration (food/drink going into your lungs) can be completely invisible to the naked eye (sometimes seen only in scans or by a trained speech therapist.) they wouldn’t prescribe puree if they hadn’t seen clear evidence of food/drink going into his lungs when he swallows.

If you feel like the purée is no longer needed (it could be that his swallow was worse when he was sick in hospital and now he’s better he could have his diet stepped up to something more normal) but I would 100% not do any breaking of the rules without calling his speech therapy team and asking for a review. Tell them you “ think his swallow might have improved and you’d like to have his purée recommendation upgraded if possible” and they should come out and do a visit. I would not break the recommendations at all until they have advised that it’s safe to. (You could literally be killing him by doing so. Sorry to use extreme language but I see every day people not realising how serious silent aspiration can be).

OP I would complain to the local authority paying for his care, not the care home. The care home manger is more likely to try to cover up for their staff. The local authority will investigate it and be independent.

Yes to keeping the cameras secret. I wouldn't tell them

I just know in your situation I would act on any concerns. You are really the only person able to advocate and I would find the pain unbearable of knowing my family member felt how they felt. I wouldn't have any reservations asking the council to be moved.

Just be aware that secret cameras are not necessarily legal. However, that would be my cause of action.