Inheritance

[Sillybluecat]

Two years ago my parents bought a second
property for £550k and let my brother live in it rent free.
They explained to myself and 2 sisters that that house would transfer to my brother when they died and us 3 daughters would be compensated.
Their main home is worth £1.6m and they live in the Channel Islands which are inheritance tax free.
My father has dementia and my mother is currently trying to transfer the smaller
house to my brother in her lifetime, but that is proving difficult due to my father’s health so
it has to remain in their names but if my dad dies first she can do the transfer (another story).

Whilst this has been going on my sisters and I have seen the will and are now aware that after the smaller house transfers to my brother, their remaining estate will be divided equally by 4 - no adjustment made.

My Mum has offered to pay off our mortgages which all happen to be £150k which we are o visually grateful for. but will not adjust for the £400k difference she is adamant that our brother will have the same share so
a house and a quarter. She says we all
own a house now and will all have money for retirement so what’s the problem. Us girls see it as her just paying off our loans not buying us a house.

We feel so hurt and upset and feels very unfair. We are a lot older than my brother he is 42 and we are 58, 56 and 53. We have worked hard, gone through divorce and suffered loss, to pay mortgages and bills, our health is not the best and at times we have had to work more than one job. I visit the island a lot to help my mum to give her a break. My sisters live overseas.

This is making me feel resentment and think my brother can do it, so as you see already causing trouble between siblings. I have 4 children of my own and wouldn’t dream of trying them differently over such a large amount of money.

It’s hard to know how to move forward with this situation. Does anyone have advice or been through something similiar? TIA

'Two houses between them'? They are divorced.

Yes they are divorced

There is clear favouritism here @Sillybluecat You are not unreasonable to feel so upset. Your parents clearly see you as a “cooper” while your brother seems to have a good dose of “learned helplessness.”

it is do often the son who is seen in this way and the daughters whose care and coping is taken for granted.

what about laying this out to your brother and pointing out that he needs to do a LOT more to care for his parents?

I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of sympathy, although I can appreciate you see it as unfair. The only financial gift or inheritance I received from my parents was £8k after my mum’s death. My MIL died after my DH and left everything to her surviving children and nothing to my DC.

Thank you for your understanding.
Funny you should say that but my brother spoke to my younger sister today and as the only executor to this will he did admit that he would feel uncomfortable reading this out. She pointed out that of course mum's care must come first but if monies allowed if we could come to some understanding that a fairer split, doesn't have to be the full amount and we are not expecting the increase in equity on his home it would help with relations.

He agreed and said he wanted to talk to mum about this, so feeling better.
I've found all the responses to my post very interesting and varied.
I'm not looking for sympathy and I do understand people own life experiences can cloud their views but I have always tried to see both sides and that why I welcome all opinions and its extremely helpful to question oneself. Also I study psychology so it all very fascinating. Thanks xx

I hope your mum doesn't feel like all you all want is her money. Money shouldn't divide families but often it does , he could just give up his financial share of the big house and mum wouldn't need to get involved.

He might do that, but we also do respect my mums wishes.
I don't just want her money and she knows that. When I was growing up my dad worked 12 hrs a day, often on a Sunday too and would say to us kids I don't see you much but I'm doing this for you all so you are comfortable. He even told us he had a book and he wrote everything given to us down so it would be fair, so this was a bit of a shock. We now can't find this book!!
My mum tells me regularly what a kind and loving daughter I am and everything I do is for love, otherwise I would leave my brother to get on with it. My sisters and I just want it to be fairer as that's how we believed we were bought up and how we treat our own children

I think that is absolutely the way to go - for your brother to reassure your mother that he'd be ok with the will being adjusted (if he is) rather than any of you pressuring your mother and damaging your relationship with her. Much better for the siblings to discuss it and try to reach agreement without giving her more stress.

Thanks so much, this is very good advice and we are hoping by keeping this communication going between siblings we can work together to provide good advice, care for our mum, putting her health and care first but also working collaborated to avoid any bad feelings or disputes in the future. Open communication is always the key xx

My DM didn’t include me in her will and told me (she’s still alive). Estate was to be split between 2 other siblings. We are all comfortably off. She can do what she likes with her money. What she can’t do is control the consequence of that decision. She has gone from my rock to someone that I speak to when I have to. She has subsequently said that she has now changed her will, but all my trust in her has gone. Our relationship is completely ruined. I totally get it @Sillybluecat

My mother was a widow with 3 kids to bring up. When she died there was enough money to bury her. Money wasn't something any of us thought about but I was broken hearted that she gave my brother my father's medals. I was the one who used to polish them for him and listen to his war stories, my brother wouldn't have the first clue about what he did in the war. There could have been a fortune in money and it wouldn't have made up for those medals, some things are more important than money.

Without appearing rude, how old are your parents? My Mum died years ago, but had a very biased view that boys deserve more. When her Mum died (talking 1970's now) the grandson (my brother) recieved double what the girls recieved. This 'boys are best' attitude still v firmly embedded in the family
As your brother so much younger, obviously (?) wanted a boy. So is he seen as extra special?

My mum is 80 and my dad is 85
My brother has always been the favourite and yes this could be because my parents had 3 daughters and 11 years later had the boy.