Inheritance

[Sillybluecat]

Two years ago my parents bought a second
property for £550k and let my brother live in it rent free.
They explained to myself and 2 sisters that that house would transfer to my brother when they died and us 3 daughters would be compensated.
Their main home is worth £1.6m and they live in the Channel Islands which are inheritance tax free.
My father has dementia and my mother is currently trying to transfer the smaller
house to my brother in her lifetime, but that is proving difficult due to my father’s health so
it has to remain in their names but if my dad dies first she can do the transfer (another story).

Whilst this has been going on my sisters and I have seen the will and are now aware that after the smaller house transfers to my brother, their remaining estate will be divided equally by 4 - no adjustment made.

My Mum has offered to pay off our mortgages which all happen to be £150k which we are o visually grateful for. but will not adjust for the £400k difference she is adamant that our brother will have the same share so
a house and a quarter. She says we all
own a house now and will all have money for retirement so what’s the problem. Us girls see it as her just paying off our loans not buying us a house.

We feel so hurt and upset and feels very unfair. We are a lot older than my brother he is 42 and we are 58, 56 and 53. We have worked hard, gone through divorce and suffered loss, to pay mortgages and bills, our health is not the best and at times we have had to work more than one job. I visit the island a lot to help my mum to give her a break. My sisters live overseas.

This is making me feel resentment and think my brother can do it, so as you see already causing trouble between siblings. I have 4 children of my own and wouldn’t dream of trying them differently over such a large amount of money.

It’s hard to know how to move forward with this situation. Does anyone have advice or been through something similiar? TIA

It was their choice - you’ve been misled by your parents but it’s their money until they die. Be grateful for what you will receive and let this go.

Don't let it cause resentment, it's just money that none of you already have. You don't know if dad will need care, am I right as it stands hat when dad dies your brother gets a 550k house plus a quarter of the big house when mum dies You and your sisters get 150k plus a quarter of the big house when mum dies. You don't know what will be left after care costs, tax, debts so don't focus on it. Neither of them are dead yet.

I agree with letting go of resentment. He’s younger and getting on the ladder is harder the younger you go. Plus you are still going to get more than 1/2 mill.

At the moment the house is part of their estate anyway, what does the current will say as she hasn't been able to change it?

If she is adamant, there's nothing you can do about it.

You've all obviously spoken with her so she is aware that you feel hurt. So you either let the bitterness spoil your relationship or you find a way to let it not bother you.

Is the small house on the island too?

It’s obvious that for whatever reason your mum wants to treat your brother differently. Maybe he’s still the baby in her eyes. Maybe she thinks you are all ‘sorted’ but he needs more help. Maybe she favours him because he’s a boy: I know that in my dad’s farming family the tradition is that boys get more because they will need to be able to support a wife, whereas girls will be supported by whichever family they marry into.

you probably can’t influence what she’d choose to do, you can only decide what you are going to do. so yes, you can reduce the help you offer or go lower contract or whatever. Just bear in mind that you have to live with whatever choices you make, so think carefully about it.

She's adamant.
There isnt much you can do.

However i would 💯 take her up on the 150k And I'd get that ball rolling now.

In terms of ability to acquire wealth the annoying reality is all 3 of you, but especially the 58 yr old, had a much easier time of it than your brother simply due to age / property prices.

I say this as a 40yr old who had it WAY easier than my 35 yr old sibling.it was much harder for them to get on the ladder.

Does that make what she is doing fair? No
But clearly she has her reasons / rationale.

I would accept what my parents will give. You are fortunate they helped you pay off your mortgage. It is not worth it to argue and have disagreement. Money can be found but you need to keep your own blood connected. It is not worth it to argue whilst your parents still alive. Respect their decision it is their money to decide who they want to have it.

It isn't fair. That's a huge financial difference your brother will get but it is their money and they are free to do as they please with it. You are free how you respond. You may wish to visit parents less frequently and let your brother help them out. It's bound to leave you girls feeling less loved.

It's not fair, but there is no law requiring inheritance to be fair. I think your options are to say 'yes, please' to the free money that is on offer or fall out with your mother.

^ This. I find it astonishing how many elderly people can't understand why it's not fair to treat their main caregivers less favourably than their other/another child. As though they don't value the caregiving child at all, they just want to take, take, take of that child's time and energy.

Depending where they live there are laws that require a degree of fairness.

OP, if you and your sisters are considering contesting this you need to get some legal advice from a solicitor that understands inheritance laws on the specific Channel Island they are living on.

As an aside, Scotland also has laws on inheritance entitlements.

Extra information..
My parents have a lot of cash in bank more than enough to cover their care.
The will states smaller property to transfer to son on both of their death and the remaining estate to be divided by 4.
I am the 58 year old have had 2 divorces and have 4 children i dont work because of health problems, same with my sisters health issues and disabled child. All 3 of us Were not helped at all by my parents. My brother who is 42 had a property at 27 divorced at 33 and lost the equity, rented and then wanted a property at 42, couldn't get a mortgage as then no deposit and didn't want to leave island. I think because he lives near them they help him whereas we are all out of sight and out of mind.
It feels hurtful, but we shouldn't be surprised and yes it's acceptance I agree

I think you have to have a straightforward from-the-heart conversation with your mother. Not about the actual amount of money, but how it makes you feel that she is not treating each of her children equally. Point out that your brother is receiving something like 4 times the amount that each of you 'girls' are (if I've done the maths), and that this makes it seem as if she loves her son more than her daughters.

I did have that chat with my mum, I asked her .. do you love him more, she said of course not. Is it because us girls have argued with you in the past, no she said. We were both crying and I said mum can't you make it fair and she said I won't divide my home 3 ways it has to be 4 but I'll pay her ff your loans so you all have a home

@Sillybluecat it will and certainly does make you feel not just undervalued, but worthless, when one sibling is favoured over the rest!!! I know from personal experience. I had known what was going to happen many years before when my father was still alive. my mother had voiced her wishes at that point and we all disagreed, except the golden child!!! mother then changed her will after dad died, so she got to do what she wanted and give the family home to the golden child who was then unable to ever move in because she couldnt use stairs. niece then got the house for nothing!!!

Accept the £150k immediately.

After that I would point out quite strongly at almost every occasion I was with them quite how unfairly I was being treated relative to my brother. I would make it a pain point at every meeting.

Yip!

Ah, its a lazy man getting more than women. Well I never.

If one of my children treated me like you have treated your mother they would get nothing.

This OP
Also once you get the money stop helping so much
Let your brother do all the hard work

Your poor children....

I can't find where it says the OP and her sisters are the main caregivers. She says the brother and her and her sisters aren't so is there any indication who is the main carer.

Oh yes they'd be truly blessed if they made an old woman cry, definitely need rewarding for that. Fortunately my children aren't like that.

Inheritance issues can break families. If you care about yours let it go. Life is too short.