Can dementia present with behavioural and personality and aggressions more than memory loss?

[Stotar]

I'm going through a terrible time right now with my mother. Basically two and half years ago I noticed something about my mother and she had a spell where she didn't talk to me. There was no speech or conversation from her and it was so odd. I wasn't critical or sarcastic of her or angry but she just didn't talk to me.

It was so odd. It was at that point when I began to wonder if she was going senile. I began to piece together other stuff. She was easily angered. I remember one time going for a shower and when I was ready with my shower, I cleaned the bathroom and I wiped the floor with the towel that I used because that was going in for the wash anyways. I stepped out of the bathroom and I only had one floor out the door and she barged into the bathroom with the mop and started going around in circles over and over while shouting at me about the wet floor. The floor wasn't that wet and all that was needed was time to let steam evaporate. She behaved as if someone was going to come in at that point and walk on the damp floor. The mop she was using was also wet and she was wetting the floor herself. While shouting at me and blaming me.

It wasn't the first shouting spell of that nature from her. Another morning I was getting a fresh and clean tea towel and she raged at me over that.
Mo ths went by and she was ignoring a toilet leak and I waited to see if she was going to get a plumber or at the time I had a brother living at home but he was an alcoholic and she placed so much faith in him. Eventually she got me to get recommendations for a plumber and I did. I got recommendations for a plumber and I consulted with her before booking him. After he left she became far too critical of his work and shouted at me yet again - DONT FUCKING PHONE HIM AGAIN.

Basically her personality and thinking and comprehension wasn't very right. I began to piece all of this together and I began to think of she was going senile.

A few months after me thinking this, I found that she had items of my underwear amongst her own laundry as if they were hers. Even though we are different sizes. I reflected on that and I could understand one or two pieces of underwear getting mixed up in laundry but so many pieces of my underwear? No way. I now realise that she was going into my room snooping and taking my underwear even though my underwear wouldn't even fit her.

I discovered a situation where she became utterly enraged at the idea of a sibling wanting to come home from abroad with his family and there was no reasoning or logic with her.

I have many more observations and I long list of things and so much more.

During a time of stress two years ago she broke out and told me the most oddest tale. I realised that it must be more of my suspicions around the possibly of dementia and I knew not to deny her her reality and I listened to her and I tired to redirect her. She became utterly angry at me - 'Are you listening to me?' she demanded.

There been other things too.
Like poor planning sometimes. The sequencing of chores. She will sometimes stop things to move to another area to touch and feel things. Sometimes she looks confused especially first thing in the mornings.

I strongly suspect there's something happening with her. I chatted with her GP two years ago but I got nowhere with this. The GP asked me if there's any forgetfulness and I was honestly able to answer no.

She's getting worse now.

She's more easily angered and her facial expressions and hand gestures just don't look right to me. I think there is some forgetfulness coming in now.

Basically I am in a terrible place.

I really see things happening.

Right now I have a sibling home on holidays. I was going to write to the local GP office with a list of what I observed over the past few years about her. My brother and his wife do t see anything wrong with her. What they don't know is that nearly every time they have their backs turned she's acting out like a toddler and I am getting the brunt end of her anger. She knows to keep it quite and low and how to hide the anger. Also something else has happened this evening. Her sister/my Anu t would like to see her and the family and visit but my my mother is rejecting this social meet up. It's so so so so so odd.

I really think there's something happening with my mother but I am coming up against a brick wall. With everything and everyone. It seems as if doctors and even .y sibling and his wife would like to see my mother struggle with identifying with what a carton of milk is and what are clothes are before they will even consider the possibly of dementia.

I see so many things with her that's not right. She's utterly utterly utterly bitter and angry and she's far too critical of my brother and his wife of their parenting but they don't hear her vile words. She's directing it all to me.

Another post here from the OP:
My brother and his partner thinks my mother is just looking for a purpose and she never really made a life for herself outside of the home and she's just bored and looking for things to do.

But this doesn't seem right to me.

I have a list of observations about her where's she's not behaving or acting normally and her aggression is far too much and her bitterness is too intense. She knows to hide it from them.

Sounds like mental health issues. It will be very hard to get anyone to help though if she is still deemed to have capacity I think. Hopefully someone with actual advice will be along soon

Frontotemporal dementia can present like this. The memory loss tends to occur later.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/frontotemporal-dementia/symptoms/

It may not be dementia of course but it is a form associated with personality changes before memory loss.

Please also check her B12 levels as it can make people present in similar ways - get her bloods done for deficiencies and thyroid if she is having any issues weight as that is also hormonal with possible behaviour changes.

How old is she?

Early 70s

Hi @Stotar

As you may or may not know, here in the US we have pharmaceutical ads on tv.
There’s a recent one for a medication I can’t recall but the very issue they discuss in the ad is aggressiveness and angry outbursts from people with dementia - and Alzheimer’s, I believe.

I'm so sorry for all that you're going through OP.

Yes, this does sound like dementia to me. I have experience of caring for a family member (who lived with us) with Vascular dementia and her illness presented in the same way. The memory loss developed later.

However your Mum could have Frontal variant frontotemporal dementia or another neurological condition so she definitely needs to see the GP but I can imagine that's borderline impossible as she's unlikely to be willing to go!

My husband's stroke hit this area of his brain and there was a bit of a personality change. (I was lucky, however - his old personality gradually asserted itself.)

He was in stroke rehab for 4 mnths, learning how to walk again. I remember the nurses laughing when I told them that he kept swearing at me: "Just so long as he doesn't swear at us!"

I recall bursting into tears at work after he got home and telling a colleague that I didn't want to go home because DH had called me "a fat ugly cunt".

When he came back to himself some time later, he apologised for that time.

I'm wondering whether the OP's mum has perhaps had a series of TIAs. That happened with my mum - at first, I didn't realise what had happened: she must have had all hers during the night, when no one saw her.

You are in a difficult situation, especially as you're not getting any support from your siblings. It may be your Mum has had a few TIAs, or it is the onset of dementia, or both. You need to get her GP to run some tests, and refer her to a geriatrician for a diagnosis if possible. Are you prepared to shoulder this burden? You may need to share your thoughts with your siblings and let them know you are not prepared to do this alone. Try getting support from a local aged care organisation or dementia support group. They will be able to provide good information.

I chatted to a sibling and his partner and they don't think it's dementia because she's not forgetting. But I am the one living at home. I am seeing so much things with her and there is some memory issues but it's extremely vague but it's there. It's just not very obvious and it's just recently come in. She requested a shower mat for the shower and I bought one. But it remained in the hall for weeks nearly as if she didn't know what it was for.

I never knew what dementia was until this hit me a few years ago and I started exploring groups. I vaguely knew what dementia was but I had no idea what it truly was about.

It's such a gaslighting disease. In that long term memory can remain and it's often it's just short term memory that goes and its different every day. It's like a she's ok one minute and she's different the next. It's like her brain is short circuiting or something.

That's if it is dementia.

If it's vascular dementia I know she was neglecting high cholestrol so maybe it's that. I don't know.

She's getting worse. She's vile. Sometimes she's ok and then other times she's so bitter and angry and I am the brunt of her shit. She went to the city yesterday (sat) and she was in good form in the evening but then today on Sunday - she's back to her usual angry and bitter self.

Her outbursts lately - I live at home because I can't afford rent and I always enjoyed helping at home - I'm on the verge of.....I don't know if I can type it.... - the big S - unaliving myself. It's too much.

She's so strange and odd. Over the past week she's been calling me aside time and time and time again just to bitch about my SIL behind her back to me and she's even used just one finger to smack a door closed - she's just not behaving right.

My mother is unaware of her behaviour and how she's treating me. She reduced me to tears one more jng last week before I had to go to work. She's never ever going to apologise. I don't think she's aware of what she's doing her saying. She did t care or had any comprehension that I was on the way to work when she launched a vile and abusive attack on me.

I'm not able to check her B12. That's for her doctor.

She's been ignoring calls from the GP office over the past 6 or 7 weeks. They have been trying to get her in for the yearly check up - likely bloods and blood pressure monitor but she's been ignoring it.

You absolutely can't do this on your own Stotar. You need to put yourself first, and manage your self care. Get support for yourself, and then tackle your Mum. It sounds like her memory is seriously impaired already. They become very good at faking it when they have to (e.g. telephone conversations with your siblings) but then fall apart from the strain afterwards. Your siblings will say "She's fine" because of course that's far easier all round. You really need support for yourself as it is going to be hard going. I've been in this situation with a family member and I now have a friend supporting a family member. It is hard and you shouldn't try managing alone. Good luck.

If she is ignoring her doctor I think you need to ring them and tell them you are worried she isn't looking after herself. I think with dementia this can be quite common but for anyone else to take control of the situation and act for her the Dr need to assess her and contact social services. I am sure someone else knows what I'm talking about but it does sound as though you need support to get her to have tests.

Just wanted to send some solidarity as my SM is very similar and since New Years Eve has been causing unintentional carnage culminating in my 84 year old DF having to leave the marital home as she became physically aggressive. I won't de-rail with my horror story, but I did want to say that even if you manage to get medical input on the mental health front, it may well be a frustrating uphill battle.

I have learned that fluctuating capacity is a useful "get out" for professionals. The phrase " right to make unwise decisions " is often used. See also "pleasantly confused". Even when the confusion manifests in behaviour that would not be otherwise considered "acceptable".

Unfortunately even if a crisis occurs, the "watch and wait" approach is the Holy Grail. Also keeping them at home with as little SS input as they can get away with.

I would advise keeping detailed notes and a diary to see if you can identify patterns and points of deterioration. Recording of the person without their consent is a tricky area when it comes to providing evidence, but if it's just for your own personal use to "take detailed notes" it can be helpful.

Ideally all organic causes should be investigated but there is often a reluctance to do this, and if your person is resistant in any way they can't be compelled to undergo examinations if they are deemed to have capacity.

It might be worth exploring forums such as the Alzheimers society - I've learned alot from there.

One would think it's in the best interests of a person to figure out how to improve their quality of life and safeguard them, but the medical profession are bound by tight regulations around capacity and it's useful to look up the Mental Health Act.

Family dynamics, if complicated can be used almost as an excuse by medics to shift responsibility from themselves to other agencies. And the more that get involved the more complicated it can get.

I don't wish to alarm you or spread hopelessness but forewarned is fore armed. If you can get a sympathetic and consistent GP involved, it might not be so daunting, but if there is no POA it's difficult to have input.

Anyway, I'm so sorry you're going through this - try and take as much care of yourself as you can x much love ❤️

It does sound very like a medical problem. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

This seems to be what I could be dealing with. She's acting in front of my sister in law and brother but as soon as she gets me alone and behind their backs, she's lashing out at me and it often makes no sense whatsoever. Often she's dragging me away from what I am doing to get me alone to have a go at me. Again her face doesn't look right. It's filled with anger and bitterness.

It seems as if she doesn't know how to respond to situations appropriately. I was putting on a laundry wash this morning and she grunted at me - was I washing my hair but it was her facial expressions that wasn't right. It was full of bitter and anger and it was inappropriate. I am not an evil person.

There was an episode from her yesterday where she pushed my supplement into a corner and said that it was Ts (being my sister in law). I mentioned that it wasn't Ts and it was mine and she went into a pure rant - all someone has to talk and why didn't you just talk and explain that it wasn't hers and it's yours.

She made no sense.

It was mine supplement and it was always mine and I didn't realise I had to explain to her about my supplement not being Ts. It just didn't make sense.

I did a laundry wash on Saturday morning and the weather was nice but by the afternoon it was wet and yesterday was wet as well. So my laundry was hanging on a clothes horse. This morning I discovered that she removed my underwear to hang them in my room. I took them out of the room because ei don't want wet clothes drying in my room and then she ranted and shouted at me yet again to remove my underwear because nobody wants to be looking at my underwear. It was my laundry drying and I never realised my brother and sister in law was looking at my underwear and they likely weren't by the way. It's only underwear too. There's no need to be ashamed of my my underwear either.

Her ranting shouting just doesn't make sense.

I think I would think of a long term plan to move out.
I know you love her, but neither of you seem happy. The situation won't improve and I doubt she will get medical help - even if she needs it.

Yes. Not rtft. Does she drink? Google ARBD which is one of the things it could be.

GPs don’t know anything about most behavioural dementia so get a consultant asap. Memory tests etc won’t work.

Medics acknowledge frontal lobe dementias are the worst of all for family.

Whatever diagnosis you finally get (don’t hold your breath) take action now on coping strategies to protect you and yours. Do it now.

💐

She doesn't drink. What is ARBD?
Is that a dementia brought on by alcohol? I reading about a drinkers dementia before.

I think my mother's mother had dementia. My mother never spoke about it and she had no involvement with her mother when she was old and in a nursing home. All I got from my mother was that she was crazy but the dementia was mild because she never forgot.

This to me is a huge red flag for me towards FTD because FTD is behavioural and memory can be retained a lot of the time. I read that FTD can have a gentietic component.

I have a diagnostic paper from a foundation in the states about FTD and there's so much in it. It's a pamelet for medical professionals. I am going to print it at some point when I am ready for the GP.

The starting point is the GP for a referral. I don't have health insurance and my mother doesn't too.

I am on my way to work now. She's currently working at the kitchen sink doing a handwashing t-shirt ritual that she likes to do often. But the thing is it's lunch time and my brother is home and he's working but he will be coming in for lunch too. If that was me in the kitchen she would do everything in her power to control me and get me out of the kitchen to make space for lunch. But she's there's doing her ritual of lifting her clothes up and down from a basin.

I am on a dementia group and I am already learning how to respond to situations. I know I can't argue with her or reason with her.