Staff Borrowed Beer from Relative in Care Home

[Fergie51]

As a Father’s Day gift, I sent my dad some bottles of beer to his care home. (I live hundreds of miles away) He was delighted and enjoyed his first beer for months. While I was on a FaceTime, a member of staff asked my dad if the kitchen could possible borrow a couple of bottles of beer to make fish batter as they didn’t have enough. My dad agreed and the member of staff promised
to replace the beer the next day. Beer has not yet been replaced.
Should my dad have been approached in the first place? I am starting to feel unhappy about it and would appreciate other opinions.

Is he bothered? He might have told them they didn't need to replace it.

They should not have even asked!

Well it's up to him as it's his beer, but it's a bit cheeky of them. They should replace like for like when they said they would.

Is there any other beer left i.e. did you send him 12 bottles and he drank one, they used two and there are 9 left? If yes, they just need to be reminded it should be replaced before the stock runs out. I’d give them a call, emphasise how happy he is with having a beer of an evening and make sure they understand its importance.

No way he should have been asked, this is completely inappropriate.

Why do you say that? Unless he has dementia and is unable to make his own decisions he’s an adult who is perfectly capable of deciding whether or not to lend something to a member of staff. Who cares why they were short an ingredient for the dinner that night? These things happen. Zero harm done as long as it’s replaced, and perhaps these little interactions make a person in a care home feel more like a functioning member of the community.

TBH I’m impressed they were doing fresh beer batter for the fish, sounds much better than the slop my Granny was served in her care home.

Bet they drank it .... they wouldn't plan on doing that for dinner without the proper ingredients. What luck that your DF happened to have been sent a crate of beer! I'd be cross about this.

Not ideal but wouldn't bother me hugely. Just remind them to replace it. It's not like they stole it; they asked him while you were sort of there, on a call!

Sounds like they conned your dad out of his beer. I'd be ringing the manager straight away

@AndiOliversGlasses Absolutely correct, if he's got capacity. Can't see any issue here. Should def have been replaced ASAP tho

They should not have asked. Totally inappropriate and probably a lie

This is what I thought too.

I’m sorry , but capacity or not, there is a power imbalance between a care home resident and a member of staff. It’s not just like popping round to your neighbour to borrow some sugar. This smacks of a blurring of boundaries which need to be rock solid for the protection of both residents and staff. It also wouldn’t give me much confidence in the running of the home, if they have to scrounge off residents to prepare the meals.

Is there a chance there is a very strict limit on alcohol? Is there a potential issue with any medication?

I would rule out the less sinister or mean options first. I have a good friend who runs a nursing home and there are a lot of rules for the benefit of the staff and limited alcohol is one, though it is communicated to everyone.

That's very cheeky, I doubt they make beer batter, I've never seen that, most food is bought in frozen. I would ring the manager and ask them to investigate this, if he willingly offered a member of staff a bottle to take home as a gift that's completely different, they need replacing and put somewhere safe with his name on.

I agree. I’ve worked in a care home kitchen and there’s no way this would have happened.

I would be sending them a fish batter recipe that doesn't require beer! There's one that uses fizzy water, for example. I'm almost certain they just drank it. Or they drank the beer that was supplied for the recipe and that's why they were short.
Double check with him it is still missing, then
Remind them to replace it, along with a link to the recipe. Seeing as it was a gift from you I don't think it's crossing the line to remind them,
Politely of course.
I feel like someone in his position wouldn't easily be able to say 'no' to such a request, so it's not fair. Like if he said no they might tell everyone 'oh, we can't have fried fish today cos bob wouldn't share two beers to make the batter', basically turning him into a villain?

A big thank you to everyone for taking the time to reply. It is good to read a variety of opinions. I think it’s cheeky to ask in the first place and the promise of replacing the beer asap hasn’t happened yet. It’s not the beer itself; it’s crossing the line. Another carer uses my dad’s iPad cable to charge his personal phone in my dad’s room. Perhaps my dad thinks he is being kind and helpful.

@Fergie51 I'm with you on feeling it's an imposition. He may not feel he can decline their requests, and then where would it end? Sorry, it's a bit dramatic, but what if they started asking to borrow money? Definitely make sure the beer is replaced. And reassure him he doesn't have to lend or share things with staff. That it's ok for a friend to ask that, (as long as they return or replace it) but they are professionals so are helping him, not the other way round.
I guess you can't force him to not be generous but you could gently explain it's not really on.

By very definition, residents of a care home are vulnerable and their carers are in a position of power. The carers therefore should not be asking favours of any kind from the residents. The kitchen should not be cooking meals for which they do not have the ingredients. I would assume in the situation you described your father would not have refused, even if he wanted to.

I think this warrants an email from you to the manager explaining what happened, asking for the beer to be replaced today, and an assurance that this kind of thing won't continue.

Slippery slope, they'll be asking to use his ipad soon, this all needs nipping in the bud now. He's asking to use the cable because he knows phones should be locked away and not used in worktime, also using the carehomes electricity which residents ultimately pay for

They did not use the beer to make batter.

Hmm, I’m detecting some dodgy assumptions here about care home workers. No wonder they find it hard to get staff when they are treated with such suspicion and disdain.

Unfortunately there are always some who take advantage, I say that as a member of staff and a client.