Staff Borrowed Beer from Relative in Care Home

[Fergie51]

As a Father’s Day gift, I sent my dad some bottles of beer to his care home. (I live hundreds of miles away) He was delighted and enjoyed his first beer for months. While I was on a FaceTime, a member of staff asked my dad if the kitchen could possible borrow a couple of bottles of beer to make fish batter as they didn’t have enough. My dad agreed and the member of staff promised
to replace the beer the next day. Beer has not yet been replaced.
Should my dad have been approached in the first place? I am starting to feel unhappy about it and would appreciate other opinions.

Look it’s one of 2 things: either the whole thing about the beer and the batter is a big lie and OP has much bigger problems about her father’s care than a bottle of beer being replaced.

Or the batter thing is true and people need to get some perspective.

Only OP can judge this and step 1 is obviously a call to the manager.

I suggest you have a discussion regarding this with senior management. I really don't believe it was for cooking. I am highly suspicious. I would say borrowing anything from your dad is the start of a very slippery slope.

But there could be a innocent explanation, just based on my friends experience of her fathers' home, they had a rule- ( that came about i believe, as some guests were absolutely not allowed alcohol as it interfered with medication, or brought on cognitive issues in evening, but this lead to secret drinking 'friends' alcohol in bedrooms, or in fact stealing it, and alcohol related injuries) , so their rule was a maximum of ( i think 4 but i can't recall exactly ) units of alcohol were allowed stored in a room. I recall driving around with her trying to source a decent red wine in a half bottle size. The manager she would store other alcohol under lock for him, and top him up as needed, this apparently they did for a number of guests who would like say a whiskey at bedtime. My friends brother never visited but often sent a very expensive bottle of something

carers don't cook! That beer was for drinking not for batter. Was this in the afternoon or evening? Because care home usually have sandwhiches for tea and a hot meal in the day.

I'd tell management.

The cook at my Mothers care home cooks from scratch daily with themed meals and beer battered fish on a Friday night.

The home Social Services dumped her in prior the food was inedible

Depends what the catering is like in general.

Is it a big care home or a smaller supported living type place. In the latter the staff plan, shop and cook the meals
Themselves-in the better ones with the clients. It's quite communal and this wouldn't be super unusual in that setting, though it would be replaced straight way and the asking would be recorded.

If it's a big care home with a chef it's weird.

I think it's highly unlikely the beer went in freshly made batter

This sounds a little bit dodgy.

If you can manage a visit soon and a look around (let it be a lovely surprise for your Dad) you might find out a little more.

Or maybe phone the manager and ask, calmly, for an explanation. Could your Dad be mistaken do you think?

Obviously many scenarios have been illustrated.
However, if I was a resident at a care home, I might feel I HAD to lend the beer, as I might sound churlish to say no, also, if I refused, would I get not nice "care" in future.
In my mind, the resident should not have been asked, should not have been put in the position of having to decide.
The fish supper needing beer..,, so what would the cook have done if it wasn't known your dad had a stash?
I vote "no" "no" and "no" again.
Its really not the same as borrowing from your mate or next door neighbour even.
That beer needs to be returned pronto, and exactly the same brand and size...
Certainly no more "borrowing " from residents....

I tried phoning the manager this afternoon, but she had already left. I plan to call tomorrow morning.
I visit my dad 4 times a year, which sounds dreadful, but I live 500 miles away.
The guilt is overwhelming.
In reply to a couple of questions:
Another trip is planned in a couple of weeks to see my dad.
I was on FaceTime with my dad when the carer came in the room and asked him if he could borrow a couple of bottles.
I really do appreciate all of you taking the time to respond with various scenarios.
I will update tomorrow.

I tried to phone the manager today but she had left to go home early, feeling unwell. I have sent an email to her explaining concern and asked her to make sure the beer is replaced as soon as possible.
Thanks once again everyone. So kind of you all to offer opinions and solutions. X

Try not to feel guilty, it's great you can FaceTime.