Dreading speaking to parents

[ScandiNoirNuit]

This is going to sound really selfish, but I dread speaking to my parents. They are so negative and everything is always doom and gloom. It is understandable to some extent in that my dad has dementia (not too bad currently but obv declining) but is also pretty immobile but it seems like there is no joy in anything. Every time I call my mum is in tears and just seems really depressed, but won’t go to the doctor to consider antidepressants. My dad is on them, with a whole cocktail of other things.

I think what I find most frustrating is that they won’t do anything to make themselves feel better. They are well off but v frugal, unnecessarily so. They recently started getting attendance allowance but refuse to spend it, just putting it in bank. Isa’s maxed already. I have tried suggesting they use for taxis, photo, cleaner or whatever to help but they refuse despite having ample means. Mum pretty much refuses to drive despite being able and having car, so that really limits things. They could get taxis places but wouldn’t countenance it despite her saying she would love to get out. I don’t know what to suggest, everything has been rejected, it seems like all she wants to do is moan about how terrible life is, which I understand but there are definitely things that could be done to make it easier or more enjoyable.

does anyone else have this?

I read the Telegraph, and I’m sure others do here on this board. So churning out tired clichés is both rude and ignorant. Ironically it only exposes the posters’ own arrogance and self-piety.

I avoid speaking to my parents for the same reasons. I've now not spoken to them for weeks, so I'm really going to have to call them soon, and I know how that will go.

Have you any idea how difficult it is to take someone with dementia out, or even leave them alone while you go out?

I'm sure she does, my DF has dementia and people aren't all affected in the same way and over different time scales. I could take him out (not that he'd ever go) and he'd be no problem.

Yes, this.

I thought this too -- that they want you to help and nobody else.
Partly because that's the expectation (daughters should help elderly parents) and posibly also because it will be cheaper, if not free.
If they're not saying so they may well do so yet (or send flying monkeys emissaries to lay the guilt on you)
Sorry, it's really hard for you but it may get worse unless you have the conversation.