So bloody exhausted waiting for someone to die 3

[StiffyByngsDogBartholomew]

Carrying on from our first two threads..
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/4967638-so-bloody-exhausted-waiting-for-someone-to-die-2

I did have a candid chat with the doctor today who came out to do bloods and get a better picture as just in case meds had been recommended, and will be prescribed.

She said that Mum could need them soon or it could be in six months, but I feel no one is expecting her to be here much longer than that.

I said I hoped something (like a stroke or heart attack) would happen sooner because now she's just lying in bed her quality of life is so poor and who would want their loved one still be that way long term.

I also asked about antibiotics, and doctor said they would be prescribed to alleviate pain and discomfort in the case of an infection, but if they weren't working they would be discontinued and not tried again.

I do have POA, and a very strict care plan is in place so she remains at home.

Just hoping for a sudden end in her sleep or something, and soon.

Golden - I went through this. Mum was ready to go. I didnt want her carted off to hospital to remain there until death. She was in a care home and she wasnt in pain in the end. No active management of any medical issues had alredy been agreed by myself and the surgery.

She wasnt interested in food and no one was forcing her. She just passed away after 5 days. I wasnt there although I did go to see her 90 minutes after her passing. It was OK in the end. One of the carers was with her.

I thought I'd replied, but I can't see it. Thanks for your reply, that's helpful. It's very hard, seeing her like this.

@GoldenSpraint If you have POA for your Mum I’d consider refusing to allow the surgery to administer the Flu and Covid vaccines. I really don’t know why doctors insist on giving them to anyone who has zero quality of life. If I was in this position I’d resent being given any treatment which would potentially prolong my life.

can I ask for POA ,does it matter how long you take to submit it online yourself from when they have signed it as I forgot to submit it😩

@Pinkchicken75 I’m not sure. It might be best to phone the Office of Public Guardian to check.

Got a call today that my MIL is unable to drink any more :-(

I mean swallow. She hasn't been drinking more than a few sips for what seems like weeks now.

I think it is something like 40 days from when you have paid online, think you can check on the website.

You can submit it after the 40 days, it’s just that they refund the online payment after that and you have to pay again when you submit it.

@RememberDecember so you only have 40 days from when they ,ie parents sign it to submit it?

Sending hugs 🫂

@Pinkchicken75 i think it is around 40 days to submit from when you have made payment on the website. If you just have a signed copy and haven’t made payment yet then I don’t think that applies.

That's a really interesting point. I read your post a couple of days ago, and i haven't forgotten it.

It's something I'm going to bear in mind for the future.

I remember reading that pneumonia used to be called something like 'the old man's friend', which I've only recently truly understood.

My fil has dementia, and my husband has 2 brothers and a sister.

Guess which offspring my mil tells everyone she encounters will 'deal with it'??
My husband always offers to do x,y, z, but they always get rebuffed cos daughter 'knows what to do'.

The youngest brother does fuck all. There's always a bullshit reason why he can't help.

I'm not sure my husband really noticed that his younger brother wasn't pulling his weight. I generally keep my nose out of the sibling chat.

My husband has also now also noticed that mil is running her daughter ragged, but super special youngest son always gets a pass.

My husband and his brothers need to get tougher with their mum, and help their bloody sister before she has a nervous breakdown.

My MIL has passed away. Her husband was with her and I arrived a few minutes later. I am sitting with her while he talks to the nurses. I have spent much of the past 4 days by her side.

@CharlotteBog thinking of you and your family 💐

@CharlotteBog I'm so sorry. I'm glad she's finally at peace after everything and glad that you're with her.

@CharlotteBog Thinking of you

@CharlotteBog

@CharlotteBog sorry to hear your news but hopefully in the long run you can see that she is now peacefully at rest.

@CharlotteBog So sorry to hear your news but glad you were able to be with your MIL until the end and that she’s finally at peace. Look after yourself in the weeks and months ahead.

@CharlotteBog so sorry x

Thank you. Grief and relief is a strange feeling, but you just have to go with it really.

Joining this topic. Sat with my 92 year old Nanna who is on end of life care. She’s being so well booked after by staff here at the hospice. But it’s so inhumane sitting and watching and waiting for her to pass.