Care home - how often do you visit?

[RoseNy]

I just wanted to get some idea of what I should be doing? Parent is going into a care home, has dementia and doesn't really have any awareness of places/people etc. I will be the only visitor, but how often should this be?

If you have a parent in a care home or if you work in one, what is the norm, or the normal range?

My Dad has been in a care home for nearly 2 years. I am closest by distance of the 3 adult children. I go most days after work for a short visit, sometimes just 15 minutes but around half an hour generally. Then I take him out on weekends for a short walk that he can manage, to a coffee shop or garden centre.
i go daily because it settles him. I also worry he will otherwise forget me and forget who I am. My teenage son visits with me although he dislikes the fact his grandad is in a care home and finds it difficult to come in.
i also phone my Dad nightly at 10pm. It settles his anxiety and reassures him. It seems to help me too, dealing with the difficult emotions when your loved one is in a residential care home. I have found it hard to accept and deal with, even though there is no alternative as we tried carers at home for a while before his admission.
As a previous poster said, you don’t know if that visit is the last one so I like to go to keep an eye on him.
His care home has lovely grounds which we enjoy sitting out in when weather allows. We chat about the flowers and plants.
My sister lives far away but visits when she can as she has school age children and she phones and FaceTimes regularly. Our brother doesn’t visit at all despite living locally and I would doubt he would be recognised by Dad now, which is sad.
I visit because I love my Dad, I also visit to ensure he is being well treated and looked after. Personal grooming is important and shaving and haircuts can be an afterthought but are very important for a person’s dignity.
i am sitting here exhausted after a trip out today and about to phone him.
I will take his newspaper tomorrow and we will go out somewhere. It is my routine and I wouldn’t want to see him less as he might not be here forever. Life is precious. Go as often as feels right for you.
i have got to know the staff and other residents and chat to them. We will all be old one day and it forces you to confront your own life. In my case, I was lucky to have fit and healthy parents until sudden change happened, now realise I have probably lived 3 quarters of my life. I might only have 10 or 12 healthy years left. Decline is not inevitable but it can feel that way visiting a care home. Take care of yourself.

I generally go about 4 times a week for an hour but if she is poorly I go every day. She has severe dementia ,I am an only child and don’t want her to forget me . She didn’t seem to know me the other day ,it’s very hit and miss but the next time she kept holding my hand saying how pleased she was to see me and she said sometimes she gets upset because she can’t find me . Sometimes I feel she is ‘back ‘on days like that . I cant explain it but the bond is still there.

I go about three times a fortnight for a maximum of an hour, usually it’s about 50 minutes.
I take my DM to her room and put a music channel on the TV on. Often I rearrange all her clothes or toiletries to keep busy.
My DM has advanced Alzheimer’s.

There is no "should" - it is different for everyone. In "normal" life, you may have seen your parent twice a year, so a very occasional visit seems completely appropriate.
Daily seems excessive to me, but then seeing a parent daily in "normal" life is excessive too, imo.

The person in the care home is looked after, and has company there already. The putative visitor probably has a job, other family, friends, hobbies and their own wellbeing to prioritise - these are all so important.

This is a really helpful thread as I've just got home from visiting my grandmother in her nursing home over the bank holiday weekend and I feel absolutely terrible that I can only visit in the school holidays as I live 5 hours away. We visited four times over the weekend and she didn't remember each previous days visits but she was so pleased to see us. Each day she said she hadn't seen me for years. February was my previous visit but she didn't seem to know who I was then. She is visited daily by other relatives but I miss her so much. I'm wracked with indecision over whether I should move close enough to visit more often but I've got school age kids who don't want to move. It's so hard.

I'm abroad so I can only visit when I'm home.
My sister visits every day and she is running herself into the ground.
My brother lives in another city and visits either a couple of times a week or at least a couple of times a fortnight.

When my DM went in to a home with dementia, I went every few days at first (for my own benefit, I was broken and needed to see she was OK) then gradually reduced it to once, sometimes twice a week, for about an hour.

She was already unsafe in her own home hence needing to be cared for full time, but the upheaval of the move into residential cause a major decline. Fortunately for her she died 5 months after going in and she was only unwell for 4 weeks. My real mum had "gone" two years before, but I know she would have hated being cared for and wanted a swift conclusion!

It's very hard, make sure you take care of yourself.