Refusing to engage with Power of Attorney process

[Foxymoxy68]

We are trying to support my dad in sorting out a Lasting Power of Attorney for himself and my mum. He knows how critical and overdue this is (they are in their early 80s).
My dad is in good health but we have grave concerns about my mum who is showing serious signs of memory loss and confusion-however she refuses to see the doctor and denies that there is an issue.
When we broached the LPA conversation, she got very worked up and accused us of wanting to put her in a home, saying that she wouldn't agree to it and wouldn't sign it. Despite our attempts to explain what an LPA is, she just wouldn't hear of it.
We obviously need to revisit it-my Dad isn't very assertive with her and needs our help but I'm dreading having the conversation again.
I'd be so grateful if anyone could advise on how we can move forward with this. Thanks.

you can arrange having her state pension paid into your account if she cannot manage her money anymore How do you do that if you don’t have PoA?

Go ahead and do one for your Dad anyway if he's willing. My PiL's dragged their feet until we pointed out that if they didn't have a POA in place then once they lose capacity the Court of Protection will have control - they soon signed up quickly at the thought of the government getting at their money!

Agree with others that if she no longer has capacity then it’s a lost cause. But she’d have to be pretty far gone for that - it sounds as though she’s just being fearful and stubborn.
What helped with my parents was showing them the forms - you can do it all online - and they can see that they can choose that the POA will only be activated if they lose capacity (rather than straight away). There are also sections where they can put specific wishes (about how they would wish their money to be spent, or things they would want or not want to happen to them in hospital). That might reassure them - in some circumstances it might actually help to give them MORE control when they are vulnerable because they are authorising you to advocate for them.

I think its either too late to sort your mum's or if she still is deemed to have capacity then she doesnt want one

There are some things you can do short of POA if your mum is willing for those eg she can give her GP permission to share info with you.

But definitely do your dad

You can't force your mum, nor should you try, but is she rational enough to have it explained to her that the financial LPA has nothing to do with her care or where she lives and also that she cannot be forced into a care home, or to have any care she doesn't want, whilst she is deemed to have capacity? Even if she is still against POA it might reassure her a bit, assuming she believes you.

If she still refuses there's nothing you can do (and I hear applying to Court of Protection for deputyship is taking almost a year at the moment).

I bang on about the below a lot, so please excuse me anyone who has seen me mention this before:

For the financial LPA, be very careful when deciding which box to tick in the section about when the POA comes into force. If the donor ticks "only when I lose capacity" you may get into difficulties if the person wants help before they lose capacity. When I registered my mum's LPA with her bank, they assumed she had lost capacity because she had ticked that box and so blocked her access to her account, including cancelling her debit card and cheque book. They gave me access, but she needed her debit card so we had to reverse the whole thing.

We were stuck in a hideous limbo for ages of her being unable to operate the
account (too deaf to pass phone security, refused to let us register her for internet banking or grant 3rd party access), demanding we (I) help her but needing her own debit card.

Also get one or two certified copies of the financial LPA. Any solicitor can do this, though charges vary so shop around. The donor can do it themself but it involves writing some text, dating and signing on every page of every copy.

Really appreciate everyone's comments and advice. Given me lots of food for thought and I'm so much more enlightened now!
I think my mum still has capacity but is just fearful and a bit stubborn.
We will certainly get the ball rolling on my dad's and see how she responds to that.
Thanks again.

I did it for my parent who had lost capacity. Had a meeting with the DWP representative, provided all the info/ID & they arranged for me to be their appointee.

We were starting the Deputyship process at the time but I didn't have to show any evidence of doing that.

I contacted the DWP about it, it was completed over the phone surprisingly! If I recall, I had to send them his medical diagnosis. I was surprised that it was so easy tbh.

@2024please , @Soontobe60 Thanks, that’s really useful information

Would it be worth also doing your own at the same time? It may feel a bit early, but as other posters have said, these things should be done long before they are needed, and maybe seeing that your dad and you are moving forward with it might give her food for thought?

You can explain it does not have to be used immediately you can chose when to use it . My husband was included on my parents with my sister. Definitely do you fathers because it’s so helpful for sorting out bills etc for them .

Don't delay your father's one because of your mother's reluctance.

This. Things can change overnight and your father (and you, on his behalf) will have twice the problems if your father's isn't done as well as your mother's.