Living in own home

[SeriouslyAgain]

This is just going to be the bloody death of me. I'm very 'lucky' that we have enough money for 24 hour care at home for my mum.
But aside from the constant phone calls about mum, it's the constant bloody phone calls about the house.
Just been trying to unblock a toilet because god only knows what's being put down them. Mum doesn't even use the toilet because she's in pads. But about once a month one or other toilet is blocked.
And if it's not that, it's the toilet seat being broken, or a bulb needs changing or 'the fridge is making a funny noise' or the dishwasher isn't working or the radiators need bleeding. What in God's name do people do?! I hardly ever have these issues in my house, which is way smaller and with more people in it so everything is used way more.
But on and fucking on it goes. Backwards and bloody forwards, me, my husband, tradesmen (but of course getting one on a wkend is bloody difficult and painfully expensive). Aaaaaargh. Just so bloody sick of it. Especially when mum has allegedly been about to die for about a year so I'm backwards and forwards trying to manage that too. But really, trying to scoop shit out of a toilet does make me wonder how long I can cope with keeping mum at home.

Christmasss thank you. It's good to hear a story of the person themselves really enjoying it.

Christmas’s. Lovely to hear how happy your mum is, and such a relief for you to know she’s safe and cared for. I’m hoping I will be able to say this, although I think it’ll be a struggle for my mum as she’s never accepted her disability, and still can’t understand why her bp is up and down like a yo yo.
When we tell her it’s her age she becomes angry. All very difficult she still has the will and wants to get better.

Christmas’s. Lovely to hear how happy your mum is, and such a relief for you to know she’s safe and cared for. I’m hoping I will be able to say this, although I think it’ll be a struggle for my mum as she’s never accepted her disability, and still can’t understand why her bp is up and down like a yo yo.
When we tell her it’s her age she becomes angry. All very difficult she still has the will and wants to get better.

Thank you, I’ve been through similar with my DM. She never knew she had dementia, we had years of her thinking everyone was against her, barricading her front door so the carers couldn’t get in, only allowing me to help because I wasn’t ‘helping’ but my DM convinced herself that for some reason I enjoyed cleaning her home and trying to get her to eat/wash//deal with social workers/GP’s/her finances/bills etc and not have a life of my own.
Now it’s a completely different story, she is on a real cocktail of medication (which she doesn’t know she’s taking), so this and the lovely and regular care she is receiving at the nursing home seems to be doing the trick.
She had four months in a psychiatric hospital before going to the nursing home and this institutionalised her in a good way. She started to accept her meals were made for her, to wait for someone to take her from her room to the lounge etc. She was never going to accept any care in her own home.

To add to the list of pros and cons, my DM moved to supported living about 18 mths ago. Initially she was resistant but she too has thrived and is now trying to get as many of her friends as possible to join her there.
She has a much more active social life, despite her health having declined quite a bit - if she were still in her old home she would be very isolated as her mobility is poor. In fact she can now still meet multiple people daily and do lots of activities because they are on her doorstep. She is busy, her calendar is full and the staff provide incredible but very discreet support.
So for instance if she is not feeling well she can have lunch brought to her room, if she needs extra help it is added no questions asked but she is left to be independent if she prefers.
I am sure it has kept her out of hospital - she had to go in a few months ago but was only there for a night because it was safe to discharge her back to her supported flat. No way would she have been able to go home to anywhere else,
It’s a godsend for me as well of course and having seen it up close I really think that community living like this has to be a great way forward as the population gets older. It’s much freer than a care home for those who are frail but compos mantis and gives so many more opportunities for improving quality of life than simply “living at home”.

Why is everyone expected to run themselves ragged so this DM can stay in her own home ? Nursing homes are better than when my DGM was in one and they all just sat round the edge of the room and stared into space.

really positive to hear that from @Christmasss and @LarkRize

Can I change topic slightly please for a moment and ask those with private carers what is the norm/expected/acceptable re Christmas bonus / gift for carers?

I have no idea but of course would like to make sure they are happy with what they receive. My father is in their hands...!!

Second the thanks.
Nerves I still have no idea!! 🤔I think it depends how well you feel you know them aswell as how much they do over the Xmas period. So I vary between a goodie bag of things like make-up, smellies, chocs, and vouchers for either boots or John Lewis (About £50 depending on whether I'm getting them a gift too). I have no idea whether that's measlier than their stupidly rich clients?!

Can I change topic slightly please for a moment and ask those with private carers what is the norm/expected/acceptable re Christmas bonus / gift for carers?

I used to work part time as a private carer and usually received about one third of my weekly wage and a card. I would have been happy with the card, it really was the thought that count.
When I worked for the local council seeing many service users a day sometimes I would receive a nice toiletry set for example from
M&S and once again I was very touched by this.

Dad is giving their ladies money. He felt that would be more appreciated than a generic gift as they all have young families and struggle making ends meet so at least they can spend it on what they want or need. I expect he will give them £20 each. Theirs are council provided carers not private.