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Elderly parents

My DH is fed up with my dad living with us

28 replies

AllAboutMargot · 20/10/2023 15:14

My dad is 88 and has been living with us in an annexe for 15 years. He was independent when he first came here, doing his own washing, cooking, shopping and cleaning.

These days, he doesn't go out unless I take him and will literally just sit all day doing nothing. It's getting me down. He never asks if I could take him out anywhere, he just waits for me to suggest something. He's not interested in doing anything with people his own age. He's fully compus mentus, but does a lot of sighing and groaning. He also has a very negative outlook.

My dh is always complaining to me about him. For example, he found out that my dad wants to leave money in his will to my brother (who he never sees). He said that if my dad does that, he's going to stop doing things for him, because he should be leaving it all to us if he appreciates us what we do for him.

I love my dad, but I also understand some of my dh's frustration. The whole situation is getting me down.

OP posts:
Pezdeoro41 · 11/11/2023 15:43

Tbh it doesn’t sound like your dad is doing anything wrong - your DH just doesn’t like him living there. The pear example suggests he is being very unfair, perhaps out of frustration at the set up, and picking on strange things.

It’s not unreasonable for him to be unhappy I guess - living with elderly parents isn’t for everyone - though the fact that he’s come to this now after your dad has been there such a long time puts you in an extraordinarily difficult position.

Do you feel you are being forced to choose between them? Is your father noticing the hostility?

rookiemere · 11/11/2023 16:18

Are you able to go on holiday, have days out without your DF?

15 years is a long time and your DH presumably envisaged being able to do things with his DW. Do you think he is frustrated about the situation, had he agreed that your DPs would always live with you ?

AllAboutMargot · 11/11/2023 17:23

@Pezdeoro41 it's exactly like that. Just pick, pick, pick, constantly.
I have sympathy for DH in this situation, really I do. But I'm starting to feel that I should take my dad somewhere else to live and leave DH.

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