What do I do in this incident

[Pinkyandtheose]

My mother is early 70s. For the past 18 months I noticed some behaviours from her that is somewhat off and it's vague and subtle. Just little things here and there. Not really a forgetfulness. I have a long list of observations from the past 18 months. Just stuff that seems off. One big thing is confusing items of clothing and who owns what even though we have different clothes and sizes. Eavesdropping, snooping, angry explosions over very little.

There seems to be an increase in behaviours.
Over the past few weeks there has been unusual purchases from her.

Her diet is absolutely trash and is so limited. There's very little fruit and vegetables.

Her GP found high cholesterol a few years ago and she refused medicine in favour of reducing the cholesterol naturally through the diet. She got me to research it online but all she did was complain about everything and she never took it seriously.

Then yesterday she went to the local village. She is still reasonably independent and she likes to walk. She came home with a fancy bottle of serum from la Roche Posay. It was a 10ml serum. She made purchases in recent weeks for some face creams and lotions and I found it unusual when she has another new bottle when she was always wary about spending too much and her sensitive skin. I asked her about the new bottle. She said there was a box of them in the pharmacy with a sign saying sample and so she took took of them. When I checked online, it was 20 pounds and I find it unusual that something like that would be free. I would think maybe 2 or 3 ml in a sachet could be free perhaps. I asked her for more information and she didn't even ask any assistant to double check. She just pocketed two of them.

I have a reason to suspect maybe she shoplifted these items. Now shoplifting would imply she knows what she's doing but I think she's losing her mind.

I chatted to her doctor last year but I was never told what the outcome of her appointment was.

Do I go into the pharmacy and talk to them? Double check about the product? If it was free or not. If she took them without paying, should I pay for them? I called into the pharmacy today and I did see a box of little things but it looks like maybe promotional stuff. I didnt see a price on them or any free sample on the box. I find it odd how a 10ml bottle of serum can be free when often they can be expensive.

I wonder would the pharmacist phone the GP and notify them of that behaviour on his premises. I think it would be good if I could get another voice in here for me.

Should I go back to the doctor with my list of observations and off behaviours?

I feel like I can't sit down with my mother and tell her my concerns with her being rageful.

No the pharmacist wouldn’t phone the gp.

If her diet is that bad she could have a B12 deficiency or low ferritin.
B12 deficiency can mimic some dementia symptoms. Maybe write/speak to the Dr and request blood tests. They can say it’s an annual health check to recheck cholesterol and easily add other things. Thyroid issues and vitamin D deficiency can also cause confusion & memory issues, irritability etc.

What @BafflingAndBothersome said.

Keep a note on your phone of all the off behaviours and incidents. By Xmas there might be meaningful patterns.

I have a PDF documents with dates.

In recent months I am trying to capture some stuff on video and camera too. Just to have other evidence.

Her diet is appalling. I buy fruit and vegetables every week to help her but she makes excuses about everything I try to introduce to her. I gave her supplements that she's not taking.

I have a PDF document created so I will make an appointment with her GP. We attend the same practice so I will make my own appointment and while there I will give her my list.

Thanks for letting me know about the pharmacist won't phone the GP.

Should I call into the chemist on Monday morning and ask about the serums and how much they are. An online price says it's 20 pounds. If they weren't free, the idea of paying off her thiefery doesn't appeal to me.

There’s definitely something amiss. You are doing all the right things. If you could get her eating well again then that would be very helpful.

Another one saying that you need to have a frank discussion with the G.P. before she lifts something in a shop where she ends up being prosecuted.

And sending you a hug for being in the middle of this.

Is she living alone? My DH mum lived on Pringles biscuits and sandwiches as she couldn't be bothered any more, was previously a good cook.
She'd eat if someone took her meals

I certainly wouldn't inform the chemist you think she shoplifted, that could just cause a whole load of problems.
If she's shoplifting from there, she'll be doing it in other places, so it's more the issue of why she's doing it, that needs to be addressed.

I am throughly concerned. She has been taking many items that I own but I now I suspect she took from the local pharmacy. I find it hard to believe that they had bottles of serums for frees so there is a progression of behaviours.

Yes, this does sound very much like the start of dementia. Forget about trying to take any action about the nicking the face cream thing. There is no useful action you can take over this. Also, frankly, I’d forget about the diet issues as well. She might as well eat what she wants if she is heading down the dementia pathway.

I strongly recommend the Talking Point forums on the Alzheimer’s website: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk, click on the “connect with others online” hyperlink.

These people have been where you are now and can help.

She's not living alone. I live with her. I am helping her. I am buying the groceries but she add in her own stuff. I am encouraging her to eat better but she won't.

A typical days diet

• Weetabix with seeds, toast, tea
• bread with butter or mayonaisse with tuna or eggs
• I don't know what she has for dinner because I am at work but I don't think she's cooking any more. It might be toast and marmalade.
• she eats bananas.

She buys biscuits and other treats for herself.

Thank you so much for helping.

Surely a better diet might help incase it's not dementia and it's something else causing confusion and behavioural issues.

I agree with you, if it is dementia, she might as well enjoy as much as she can but sometimes she is ok in herself. Every day is different. Then other times, things look a big off.

Whilst she is classed as having full capacity the GP will not discuss her medical record with you unless it is classed as in best interest. You need to try and get her to sign to say she is happy for them to discuss her medical records with you.

It is still worth trying to speak to the GP to voice your concerns but dont expect too much if she still has capacity.

I feel like I can't sit down with my mother and tell her that I am concerned and ask her to make an appointment with her GP.

I am aware that the GP can't give me any of her medical details and I am aware of that. I am hoping maybe I might be able to provide them with a PDF document with my observations to prompt some testing and hopefully a referral to the hospital.

My mother isn't right and every day is different.

If you contact the GP with your concerns they might invite her in for a "routine check up". She may or may not take up any invitation but it's worth a try.

My mum was diagnosed with dementia several years ago. What you have described is very similar to what we noticed and what prompted me to get her GP involved. You’ll need your mums’ written permission before your GP will engage with you, and it sounds as though this will be difficult for you now, so I suggest you pass in a letter to the surgery detailing your concerns. Your GP can then act on it however they see fit. The usual course of action is a GP led cognitive test to identify any possible dementia concerns, and if anything is flagged they will order full blood tests and an ECG to rule out other causes before referring to your local memory clinic for a formal assessment.

It’s worth pointing out that a diagnosis of dementia is not always straightforward. Mum was eventually diagnosed with vascular dementia which took time and additional testing. Once you have a diagnosis it’s important to think about a lasting power of attorney for your mum, so that her wishes can be followed in the event that she loses capacity to make or participate in decisions about her care and finances.

Depending on your mums’ age and the type of dementia she may have, there are drugs available that may help slow down progression, so if you have concerns it’s important to get the ball rolling as soon as you can. Good luck.

What the poster above said.

Those are great points and described plainly.

Also UTIs can make older people go a bit funny, whether they have Alzheimer's or not.
It's important to get her consent sooner rather than later as if she gets worse she won't be allowed to and your hands will be tied by the.

I remember my aunt favouring sweet and trash foods early on before her Alzheimer's diagnosis. Would not touch fruit/veg and would forget to remain hydrated

It could be dementia sadly. Their behaviour becomes erratic and puzzling. Her diet doesn't sound bad enough. I hope her GP is helpful. We took my MIL to her GP for a memory test when her behaviour got beyond worrying. She failed the test and was diagnosed with dementia soon afterwards.

High cholesterol is a risk factor for dementia.
She needs a memory assessment. If she wouldn't oblige, tell the GP your concerns and ask them to call her in for one under the guise of a 'well woman' check.
And make sure you have Power of Attorney even now. There's a several month wait to process them.

That’s not too bad a diet. She's getting protein, fibre, and it’s not overly high in fat. She’s not living on junk food, and she’s not on what social workers call “the biscuit diet”.

I also used to go and speak to the go about my mum without my mum being there - we would agree that the gp didn't have to tell me anything. Soon after the gp called my mum in for a chat so I know she listened.

At that point I did not have power of attorney enacted, although later I did. Before that point, my mum let the gp know I could see her medical stuff on her behalf, but I totally agree that isn't always possible

Her diet is appalling. There's very little fruit and vegetables.

OP UTI’s and various vitamin deficiencies (B12 springs to mind if her diet is low in protein and fruit/veg) can mimic dementia symptoms but if you can engage your mums’ GP they will test for these before referral for assessment if GP LED cognitive testing flags up a problem.