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Elderly parents
Original poster

Terminal lucidity in a dying parent- is this real?? What a headfuck!

38 replies

Ilikeyoursleeves · 27/08/2023 18:06

My dad who we were told 3 days ago that he had lost awareness and had days to a week to live (end stage Parkinsons) has suddenly appeared to become lucid, talking (well whispering), asking for ice lollies and a cup of tea! He hasn't eaten for weeks and was barely conscious when I saw him 3 days ago. He was prescribed just in case medicines and his GP didn't give him long to live. He was also hallucinating and talking bizarre at times in amongst the lucidity though.

His presentation was completely different today compared to Thursday and it's a complete head fuck when I've prepared myself that he is about to die.

Has anyone else experienced this when someone was terminally ill??? Argh

OP posts:
CheesusWept · 27/08/2023 18:13

Yes, please prepare yourself for the fact that the end is likely near.
My experience of working in care (not clinically trained) was that patients could become lucid and this was generally a predictor that death was imminent.

I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you have support.

GammonAndEggs · 27/08/2023 18:13

When my mum was on end of life care, hardly eating or drinking, being delusional and forgetful, she suddenly asked me to cook eggs for her. We had the best, most lucid chat ever and discussed her life, her funeral and how much we loved each other.
I spoke to the nurse the next morning and said she couldn’t be dying because she’d been bloody well.
the nurse told me many people have a lucid period before they die.
Mum died two days later. I cherish that evening I had with her.
sending you love ❤️

Olivia199 · 27/08/2023 18:14

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It is a massive curveball when this happens.
My nan had it shortly before she died and when discussing it on here, I had a lot of people comment the same had happened to their relatives.
All you can do is try and take from it what you can and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Thinking of you and your family. X

ilovepixie · 27/08/2023 22:09

My dad had this shortly before he died. It's like they get stronger for the journey ahead.

ItstimeToMoveagain · 27/08/2023 22:11

Yes both my gps had this not long before they died, my nana was the night before.

Also many of the patients I worked with in nursing homes

Eyesopenwideawake · 27/08/2023 22:16

My grandad was close to death and sleeping 23hrs a day when he suddenly woke, asked for and devoured a banana split and then went back to sleep, never to wake again. It was a good way to go.

DumpedByText · 27/08/2023 22:19

I'm really sorry to tell you this but it's called a rally. My mum did this, she'd been unconscious and we arrived at the hospital and she was chatting to the nurses, laughing and was completely lucid. My dad and I were amazed, and thought she was turning a corner.

One of the nurses kindly explained what was happening and said this happens a lot with terminally ill patients and they call it a rally and to be prepared for her to pass soon.
Sadly she passed peacefully that night.

Sending strength and love to you and your family.

dimples76 · 27/08/2023 22:29

My Dad did the day he died. The cancer had spread to his brain and most of the time he was asleep or talking nonsense. The Marie Curie nurses told us that death was imminent. My sisters and I were all sitting around his bed sharing memories whilst he slept. He then sat up and asked what we were all doing there and how lovely it was to see us. I do treasure that moment.

caringcarer · 27/08/2023 22:29

We were caring for my Mum at home and the nurse came every day to do morphine driver. After days of sleeping for about 22 hours of the day one day my Mum was awake for 5-6 hours. She was talking to us and seemed to be getting better. I was so happy. The nurse asked to speak to me. She told me even though my Mum appeared to be getting well she wasn't and it was the body's way of preparing for their last days. She died two days later. I will always be so grateful for the few hours she was talking and laughing and smiling with me 2 days before she died.

2jacqi · 27/08/2023 22:47

my daughter was lucid right till the end but as a nurse i do know always liken your situation to the calm before the storm. please also remember that patients can hear you talking to them even though it looks like they are unconscious so always continue to include them. stay strong x

AllSewnUp · 27/08/2023 22:57

A swan song.

My dad had terminal cancer. Towards the end he was unconscious and suddenly woke up, reached out to me and pulled me close for the biggest hug and didn't let go for ages. He didn't say anything. He slipped right back into a deep sleep and passed away a few days later.

I hope his passing is peaceful, OP. It's such an emotionally painful time for loved ones. 💐

MaydinEssex · 27/08/2023 23:01

Same with my mum, she was close to the end but not eating, etc, but suddenly requested a bowl of ice cream and a shot of Scotch for both of us! She passed shortly after

Toffeesgirl · 27/08/2023 23:02

My step-dad did the same - 'woke-up' asked for and drank a gin and tonic (God bless the hospice nurses, we had a lovely chatty evening and then passed away the next morning.

The hospice staff said it happens all the time.

Absolutelynotfor2019 · 27/08/2023 23:06

Yes this is really common but in some ways not great for the relatives. It’s similar to loved ones dying when they are actually alone ie daughter/ son goes to the loo or say they will be back later etc . A very common phenomenon.

TicTacNicNak · 27/08/2023 23:10

Ditto for my dear dad. He had pancreatic cancer and was at the stage of not eating or drinking, and sleeping most of the time due to morphine.

He was being transferred to a hospice and rallied briefly. He could barely speak because of his mouth being so dry but when the admitting doctor asked a question about the drugs he was on, me, my mum and brother couldn't remember the name of one and dad suddenly called it out. This was early afternoon. He passed away around 4am the next morning.

I hope your dad has a calm and peaceful passing OP. Take care 💐

PrtScn · 27/08/2023 23:11

Ilikeyoursleeves · 27/08/2023 18:06

My dad who we were told 3 days ago that he had lost awareness and had days to a week to live (end stage Parkinsons) has suddenly appeared to become lucid, talking (well whispering), asking for ice lollies and a cup of tea! He hasn't eaten for weeks and was barely conscious when I saw him 3 days ago. He was prescribed just in case medicines and his GP didn't give him long to live. He was also hallucinating and talking bizarre at times in amongst the lucidity though.

His presentation was completely different today compared to Thursday and it's a complete head fuck when I've prepared myself that he is about to die.

Has anyone else experienced this when someone was terminally ill??? Argh

Yes. My dad. Woke around 1:30am after being practically comatose all day (we called the Dr out and got his remaining brother and sisters over to say their goodbyes he was that bad). He asked for a coffee and we had a nice chat, like he wasn’t even ill. He woke up again around 5:30 asking to go to the loo. We sat him up to help him to the bathroom but he just fell back dead.

mrsbyers · 27/08/2023 23:19

I shared a lovely evening with my dad three days before he passed from Parkinson’s we listened to music and held hands and told each other we loved them , I joked that my water bottle had vodka in and he said can I have a bottle of beer - I wish I’d been able to give him one , he slept from the next day til he passed away

MyAnacondaMight · 27/08/2023 23:28

The surge. It sounds like it won’t be long now. Sending you strength. 💐

bluebeardswife7 · 27/08/2023 23:28

On my lovely daddy's last day, my sibs and I were all there with our mum. We were playing some of his favourite songs on YouTube and he roused himself together to say 'not that remote Claire' as his final words.

AnIndianWoman · 27/08/2023 23:30

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

bluebeardswife7 · 27/08/2023 23:30

Which is even better than 'either that wallpaper goes or I do' (Oscar Wilde)

Flopsythebunny · 27/08/2023 23:34

This happened with my MIL the day before she died. She hasn't known who any of us were for at least a year before this.
I'm sorry that you're having to go through this

JollyHostess101 · 27/08/2023 23:36

I just want to say I’m in exactly the same boat right now! So sending lots of love and hugs!!

Mehmeh22 · 27/08/2023 23:38

My dad had this the day before he died and it really threw us all. My mum thought he was getting better. But unfortunately he passed the next day.

Nicknamesforviolet · 27/08/2023 23:59

Yes my grandad was very lucid in the 12 hours before he passed. Had 3 pots of ice cream and heard us all say we love him. Also said he couldn't believe how fat my aunt and grandmother were so maybe prepare for honest thoughts in the next few hours. Sending love x