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Elderly parents
Original poster

I don't understand the point in buying a home when all the fees go to care

223 replies

whatwhatinthebutt · 14/08/2023 19:48

I hear 'you need to leave something to your children' but then what if it all goes on care?

You had a home that you had to maintain and repair, but you can't leave it to your children because you have to go into a care home.

It seems wrong or strange, because why are we told to do this if it's so likely it will all go before the children benefit from the hard work of the parent?

Care home fees seem to be something around 2 grand a week, so 10 grand a year. How long to people usually last in care homes? Is it oftentimes they die in there?

And how does it work? Say my dad goes into a home, they force me to sell the house to pay, I get a lump of cash, then just give that to the care home and I get what's left when he dies?

OP posts:
honeyandfizz · 14/08/2023 20:07

Looneytune253 · 14/08/2023 19:59

Surely tho it's better to have your own money/property to pay for a better standard of care in a care home than the 'free' one?

This in buckets. I've been a Community Nurse for many years and been to care homes I wouldn't want my dog in let alone a parent. Non top up homes are usually awful sadly.

Spendonsend · 14/08/2023 20:08

Not every one needs a care home and 5 stay is a few years.

Ohmylovejune · 14/08/2023 20:09

We bought our own home and fully paid for it age 48.

We now live rent free, although do have repairs to pay for. We can sell and move wherever we want subject to affordability (ie not central London!). We can't get kicked out with 2 months notice. We can do improvements that we want. Hopefully we will live long enough that our pensions will go further as we don't have rent to pay. We can fashion our wills such that if one doesn't need care then that half will be inherited. Who knows neither of us might need care.

But you are right. Care homes should be non profit making. They'd be expensive still but not eye watering and lining the pockets of wealthy owners.

CornishGem1975 · 14/08/2023 20:09

Not all funded care homes are bad. My mother is in one, paid 50% by the NHS, 50% by the Council and it's lovely.

twelly · 14/08/2023 20:11

I think that due to the changes in policy people's attitudes are changing. I hear of people who now think of selling up and travelling once they retire and enjoying the money in their early years of retirement. I can totally understand this point of view - if you are very well off then you will not have to worry as you have lots of money but for those in the squeezed middle then I think this is probably a good option - couples with that I have heard of parents saying they will pay for their child's university fees as again at least they will benefit rather than the state.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 14/08/2023 20:11

People say it's the difference between a "good" and "awful" care home. Don't you think it's a total disgrace though that there are "awful" care homes? Such a thing shouldn't exist. Our older people deserve better.

Original poster
whatwhatinthebutt · 14/08/2023 20:12

CuriousGeorge80 · 14/08/2023 19:59

Buy a house for your family. Live in it. Pay off the mortgage. Kids leave home. Sell and downsize to a mortgage free house. Use money you make on the sale to live a great retirement / hand over to kids at least 7 years before you die. Go into a lovely home that you would never be given if the state had to pay for it, paid for by the proceeds of your downsized house. Die.

Sounds loads better than: rent a house. Live in it. Keep paying rent even once you have retired. Have limited funds for your retirement, and limited to give to your family. Go into a state funded, low quality care home. Die.

I realise the above is quite simplistic and of course it can work in different ways depending on when you go into a home, when you die, how much you have in your pension etc. But I know which of the above I would prefer.

Round where I live a mortgage payment is still less than rent for an equivalent property. The issue is the deposit, of course. But if you have the deposit you are much better off buying a house than renting generally, even if at the end some of the house value is spent on care homes. And of course, many people never go near a care home.

Thank you, that makes more sense.

OP posts:
Boodahh · 14/08/2023 20:12

Surely people buy a home to enjoy living in it?

Of my elderly relatives - about 10 of them- only 2 went into care home and then only for a few months each time. Neither spent all the value in their home on care fees.

Caprisunny · 14/08/2023 20:13

Not everyone who has their own home has to pay for care.

So a small percentage of people use care homes, a smaller percentage use them for long periods. And some of those won’t be paying. I believe that if your partner (co-owner of the home) is alive you don’t have to pay.

My grandad owned his own him. But was detained under the mental health act. It was decided he needed to go into residential care and couldn’t go home. He didn’t pay fees.

His home was lovely. Exh worked in the care sector and it was one of 2 within 60 miles that he would recommend.

Schemes · 14/08/2023 20:13

Stability is nice. You can be booted out or a rental. Wing able to make it your own by doing whatever you like to it.

Having control over your own care and not ending up in a care situation that you wouldn't choose.

Nellieinthebarn · 14/08/2023 20:13

OP if you don't want to buy a house for whatever reason, don't do it. It's not compulsory. Carry on renting your home if that's what you feel more comfortable with, plenty of people do, and are fine. You obviously understand the implications of home ownership, and if you decide this isn't for you, that's fine.

FedUpMumof10YO · 14/08/2023 20:14

2x52 = 104k per year ?

Ohwellpetunia · 14/08/2023 20:15

Lapland123 · 14/08/2023 19:53

It’s all rather pointless tbh, you’re spot on.

There’s no real incentive to work hard and try to buy property. It’s a huge struggle with wages so out of sync with property prices. Everyone is rinsed for tax anyway so the government can pay themselves for HS2 projects, PPE contracts etc.

At the end all the effort for property goes on care.
I would like a real conversation about assisted dying, as I absolutely do not want to be kept alive using up money for no quality of life in a care home.
I would also like a real conversation about where our extensive taxes are going, and where the incentive is to attempt property ownership

I totally agree with this having witnessed the incredibly slow, miserable demise of an elderly good friend, ultimately ending with sustenance being withheld until she starved to death.

This end of life (cruelty) was all funded by her assets. Had she been aware all of this was happening to her, I know she would have rather been euthanised 2-3 years ago.

SpamFrittersYouSay · 14/08/2023 20:15

Most elderly folk stay in their own home unless severely incapacitated.

I e known friend/relatives remain at home, bed bound , until the end.

Nellieinthebarn · 14/08/2023 20:16

FedUpMumof10YO · 14/08/2023 20:14

2x52 = 104k per year ?

Yes easily this much, especially in London and the South East.

LT2 · 14/08/2023 20:16

Clefable · 14/08/2023 20:00

It's only something like 15% of people over 85 end up in care and a much smaller percentage for any length of time, so there's more likelihood of someone not going into care than otherwise.

This. None of my grandparents have been in care. I have one left and doesn't seem like she will still, approaching 90. This topic comes up often weirdly! It's not common to end up in care at all!

HeddaGarbled · 14/08/2023 20:17

What a load of nonsense. Everyone who buys a house does it solely to provide an inheritance and for no other reason? You know that’s not true. You’ve got a bee in your bonnet about a different issue (having to sell a house to pay for care) and have jumped the shark.

LBFseBrom · 14/08/2023 20:18

Not everyone ends up in a care home. Neither my parents nor inlaws, nor husband's granny who lived to 103, did. I had an aunt who was necessarily in a care home for a few weeks only and her daughter (my cousin), let her house to pay for it. I certainly don't intend to go into care if I can help it.

Do try to think positively, please, there's no point thinking the worst will happen.

Coffeaddict · 14/08/2023 20:21

I bought my first home 18 months ago, our rent was 800 and the mortgage was 1100.

Now there is no where to rent in my entire town cheaper than my property and the rented properties on my street are 400 more then my rent. There is still a huge housing shortage in my town and I can't see rent coming down any time soon.

I have a stable home and am happy with that. If in the future we need to use some of the equity from our property to fund our care then so be it

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/08/2023 20:21

As others have said, I feel very thankful that owning our house in retirement means we'll have no housing costs to pay beyond repair and maintenance, and if we DO have to go into a care home we should be able to afford a decent one.

What I do worry about is my kids' generation, who may well be stuck renting all their lives. What happens to THEM in retirement? Who pays for their housing? It is going to be more and more common for retired people to be renters having never been able to afford either their own home or been able to get social housing. Private rentals are extortionate. How are pensioners going to actually AFFORD to rent?

magicalkitty · 14/08/2023 20:21

I don't understand the resentment about this children do not have a right to inheritance - until someone is actually dead, the money belongs to the person is belongs to and needs to be used to fund that person. It's not your money, it belongs to your parents.

If that person is at the point of needing care, their money has to be used to pay for this in their last years on earth. Why should the state pay for it so their children can have more inheritance?

Some adult children are like vultures when this is concerned and it seems they would rather their parent dies so they can inherit their estate than go into a care home. I read somewhere that most people die within 2 years of going into care.

And people do not buy houses just so they can pass it on to children. They buy houses for a home to live in for most of their lives, to own the roof over their head and (once the mortgage is paid off) save money rather than renting.

honeyandfizz · 14/08/2023 20:23

CornishGem1975 · 14/08/2023 20:09

Not all funded care homes are bad. My mother is in one, paid 50% by the NHS, 50% by the Council and it's lovely.

A lot of people in lovely care homes are 100% funded by the NHS and private care home providers are making a fortune from it. In two rooms you could a person who pays full fees from their own pocket and the next one that funded via CHC funding both still in a private home. Sadly there are not enough placements in Council run homes these days, many were closed down due to funding and private providers took over.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/08/2023 20:24

No-one should assume they will inherit their parents' house and make plans around that. No-one. Anything could happen. Even at the point of death, until you'e seen the will, no-one should assume they'll inherit.

12345change · 14/08/2023 20:26

magicalkitty · 14/08/2023 20:21

I don't understand the resentment about this children do not have a right to inheritance - until someone is actually dead, the money belongs to the person is belongs to and needs to be used to fund that person. It's not your money, it belongs to your parents.

If that person is at the point of needing care, their money has to be used to pay for this in their last years on earth. Why should the state pay for it so their children can have more inheritance?

Some adult children are like vultures when this is concerned and it seems they would rather their parent dies so they can inherit their estate than go into a care home. I read somewhere that most people die within 2 years of going into care.

And people do not buy houses just so they can pass it on to children. They buy houses for a home to live in for most of their lives, to own the roof over their head and (once the mortgage is paid off) save money rather than renting.

Absolutely agree with this. How else is your care in old age suppose to be funded? Why should the taxpayer pay for your parents care just so you can inherit.

Inheritance is not a given. You are lucky if you get something.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 14/08/2023 20:26

honeyandfizz · 14/08/2023 20:23

A lot of people in lovely care homes are 100% funded by the NHS and private care home providers are making a fortune from it. In two rooms you could a person who pays full fees from their own pocket and the next one that funded via CHC funding both still in a private home. Sadly there are not enough placements in Council run homes these days, many were closed down due to funding and private providers took over.

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The person paying out their own pocket probably pays more than the council pays for the place, in effect subsidising them.