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Elderly parents
Original poster

End of Life but suddenly perked up

39 replies

Rattysparklebum · 20/06/2023 18:22

DF has dementia, hasn’t really been eating or drinking for around 2 weeks and lost all mobility, he was moved from his care home to hospital 5 days ago as he had an infection and poor stats.

Dad has been on IV antibiotics and fluids, has been almost comatose in hospital and not responded to treatment so today it was agreed he would move to end of life care and his drips have been removed.

I have been visiting everyday and this evening he was sitting up and talking more lucidly than he has for around 6 weeks, I’m really concerned that we made the end of life decision too fast, has anyone any experience of similar at the end?

OP posts:
neilyoungismyhero · 20/06/2023 18:25

Sometimes people do this don't they? Then they go downhill fast. My friend behaved in the same fashion.

TequilaNights · 20/06/2023 18:25

The surge, commonly happens hours/days before death.

Hand hold for you 💐

JockSmashnova · 20/06/2023 18:27

Sorry to hear that you are in this position, but yes, perking up right at the end is a thing.

theemmadilemma · 20/06/2023 18:31

Often happens at the end. Lovely in its own way.

Clymene · 20/06/2023 18:32

It definitely happens before the end. I'm sorry.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 20/06/2023 18:35

Terminal lucidity, AKA the end-of-life rally, is what is currently happening to your DF by the sounds of it.

Baldieheid · 20/06/2023 18:35

My Dad did the same.

Tell him how much you love him x

Bippertyboo2 · 20/06/2023 18:39

My MiL was put on end of life treatment 6 weeks ago and is still with us, mostly asleep but when awake can be lucid or 'away with the fairies'!

Soupsetscared · 20/06/2023 18:44

My DM is not eating or drinking much asleep most of the time.
Visited today and back to her grumpy self.
She is being moved out of hospital in a day or two into a nursing home which I've told her today and in her words disgusted with me.
But then told us that she has to share her bed with a rabbit.

OnlyYellowRoses · 20/06/2023 18:52

I work in elderly care, we also refer to it as 'the surge'. Sadly people usually die within a week or so of it happening.

keyboardkat · 20/06/2023 18:55

It is not uncommon in a terminal situation. It can often be very disconcerting for the onlooker/family when just the day (or hours) before the person looked ready to go. It is an amazing thing and I couldn't believe it when I saw it myself with my younger sister. Traumatic also as she died two days later.

I then knew what was happening with Mum and Dad when they were in the same situation.

Bless them all and I hope all will be peaceful OP.

PoshHorseyBird · 20/06/2023 18:59

I think this is actually quite common in people who are dying. It happened to my mum. She was bedridden with heart failure and hadn't eaten for a few days ( Her choice). Suddenly one evening she was chatting, eating garlic bread and pizza we couldn't believe it. The nurse from the hospice did warn us discreetly this was quite common. Our mum passed away the next morning. Give Dad a big hug and tell him how much you love him. I'm sorry you're going through this.

muuummypig · 20/06/2023 19:02

Sorry you're going through this OP, and like others have said, this is very common just before the end. Tell him all the things you want and need to ❤️

LubaLuca · 20/06/2023 19:05

The same happened to my uncle, he'd been completely out of it for days then suddenly joined in with a conversation about how someone got their nickname - perfectly lucid and clearly thought out conversation. We all had the same worry, that the doctors had made a mistake and he needed to have his medication and sustenance reinstated. He died the following morning, and we were assured that it is incredibly common for there to be this moment of clarity near the end. It's very difficult to process, but we have to believe in the expertise of those who deal with this situation every day.

Theunamedcat · 20/06/2023 19:07

The rally before the call im afraid

Enjoy it while it lasts xx

Original poster
Rattysparklebum · 20/06/2023 19:09

Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences, this is so hard, I know deep down he is not going to get better but when he was talking to me earlier I felt I couldn’t let him die, he’s not ready, but then remembered the last few weeks when he has been bedridden and it’s heartbreaking.

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 20/06/2023 19:09

This is why the Catholics wait to administer the last rites , I believe, so that people can make their peace in their right minds.

Mother87 · 20/06/2023 19:11

My DF also did this - having been bed-ridden/on morphine/not eating or awake for around 5/6 days. He even got out of bed (I helped him when he asked me) & asked for his mobile to phone DD. It was actually heart-breaking as he was agitated/said some "awful" things that I STILL sometimes have going round my head (known as "terminal agitation" possibly fear/drug-induced) Eventually the visiting nurse helped me to get him back into bed & he passed away within a couple of days & it's as if it never happened🥹

Maddy70 · 20/06/2023 19:12

I am so sorry. It's a common thing for people to have a rally round just before they die. It's almost as if teh body knows. Uses all its resources while it has the capacity

Say your goodbyes while there is lucidity x

FurElise · 20/06/2023 19:15

My dad woke up Sunday mid afternoon, requested a chocolate eclair (ate the lot too) and then wanted some morphine around 4pm as his pain was a little worse. I gave him that, he went to sleep and never regained consciousness. He was dead by 4am.

Enjoy your last good moments with your dad OP. This is almost certainly the end so don't waste those moments second guessing the decisions you made in his best interest.

harriethoyle · 20/06/2023 19:47

@Rattysparklebum my Mum perked up the Tuesday morning before she died, had tea and porridge, and was super chirpy. To the extent that my DH rearranged flights to go and see DSC at the end of the week. She became unconscious on the Wednesday and died on the Thursday. Hope you are being looked after well, hand hold from me xx

rwalker · 20/06/2023 19:57

Sounds ridiculous but my dad looked the best he had in years in the last week

no food drink and was immobile though

mauvish · 20/06/2023 20:03

OP, please don't worry that you are "letting him die". He's very elderly and has a terminal disease -- what the EOL pathway should do, and what you're doing in accepting this pathway, is simply allowing him to go in a manner that is as easy, painfree and "natural" as circumstances will allow.

Turn your feelings around - it's likely that your memories of the last few days with your dad will be of him more lucid and happier than he had been, and isn't that a blessing?

Wishing you (both) well.

VFM57 · 20/06/2023 20:18

OP 4 weeks ago yesterday we were in the same position with my dear father. All of his Children, Grandchildren, great Grandchildren and assorted partners of everyone were able to visit on his last day

We laughed, we cried, we chatted about the great times. He talked about our mother, his wife of 71 years, sadly unable to see him as she is in hospital. He talked about me and my sisters and brother.

He called my husband over held his hand and said please look after my daughter. He said the same to my sisters fiancé.

He stopped breathing at 04.10 on Tuesday the 23rd May as I held his hand.

OP don't be afraid. Hold his hand and tell him you love him.

Sending you big hugs and lots of ❤️❤️

bellsandwhistles333 · 20/06/2023 20:20

I agree with all others sadly, they are very close to the end. My amazing dad was terminally end and very weak in hospital for couple of weeks, barely wanting to talk on the phone or eating etc.

I go to visit easter Sunday morning (4th April) and he is dressed... showered himself and sitting on a chair reading a paper by the sunny window eating grapes. I got the shock of my life he looked and sounded so well.
We had a lovely day and spoke lots on the phone that evening. Next day we was weaker and it went drastically worse. We got him home on the 9th and he passed away on the 11th.