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Elderly parents
Original poster

Dads had a fall & hospitalised

41 replies

Scoobydo87 · 20/05/2023 21:51

Hi , I’m at my wits end , my mum sadly passed away during Covid so my dad lives independently on his own in a small park home . Around 6 months ago I got him an alarm bracelet in case he fell .
On Thursday morning I phoned him as usual but no answer so I thought maybe he’s having a wash but he didn’t phone back which isn’t like him so I decided to go to his house

On arrival I noticed that the curtains hadn’t been opened & I panicked and ran in he was on the bathroom floor he hasn’t been wearing his bracelet .The poor man had got up for the loo which is usual had a dizzy spell & collapsed he had laid there all night 😢

He was taken to hospital they’ve picked up on a couple of health issues that can be treated as our patient .

He is trying to walk with physio but is petrified he’s going to fall which is fully understandable after what he’s been through he’s 84 & has osteo so in pain .They are thinking about rehab

However when I went to visit today he was wearing a nappy . He was fully independant a couple of days ago using the loo and even getting up during the night to use it

I questioned a nurse and she said all elderly that are in bed wear nappies . Now while I fully understand that the nhs are very stretched and short staffed they do a wonderful hard job

I don’t want my dad to get into the habit of using a nappy this would be a down ward spiral he would become incontinent .
I appreciate that the nurses don’t have time to grab a commode for patients but Im outraged that my dad can’t use the loo
It’s a well known fact that the elderly decline in hospitals and it’s an east option for the staff to stick a nappy on them
Another thing , On the day he was taken into hospital he was in shock & using a cup with a spout , today he wasn’t shaking & I persuaded him to drink from a normal cup

tomorrow Im taking under pants to the hospital and the nappy is coming off
If my dad becomes incontinent he’ll never be able to go go home
please don’t judge me but I seen all
this with my mum the difference is my dad has his faculties

OP posts:
Borntobeamum · 21/05/2023 08:11

I know it’s hard to hear but your dad may have got to a point where he cannot go home.
It’s possibly time to rethink whether or not he’s coping and safe.

Sending hugs as I’ve been through this x

Original poster
Scoobydo87 · 21/05/2023 09:26

Thankyou for your reply , it is so difficult , he’s been in hospital a few days the ward is strict with visiting hours 2pm . I have a child and job so can only get there in the morning . The Physio’s and drs do their rounds in the morning how do I speak with them & a phone call just isn’t the same .
I went through this with my mum 3 years ago & she had to go into a nursing home she became double incontinent while in hospital nappies to blame as staff are stretched and don’t have time to take the elderly to the loo

Im so stressed as it’s history repeating itself

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 21/05/2023 13:07

I think when you're dealing with our older ones it's usually fair to say that they're one stage in from what you're willing to admit to yourself.

The nappies won't make your DF incontinent. If he was fully healthy and had full cognition, he would he asking for a bottle or commode. Maybe ask the staff for a couple of urine bottles and see if he can manage it we in one of those.

Borntobeamum · 21/05/2023 14:51

Call the ward and ask for the sister. Explain you’d like a call back from the doctor to discuss your dad’s situation.

My Dads ward were excellent and despite living 50 miles away, they tried to keep me in the loop as much as possible.

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/05/2023 15:13

We had the same problem with my mother in hospital. They had her wearing nappies because it was too time-consuming for them to take her to the toilet. She had broken her hip. She is now at home and doesn't have anything like that at all and gets up in the night on her own to go to the bathroom.

olympicsrock · 21/05/2023 15:16

Speak to the ward sister. Explain you can only visit in the mornings - I’m sure they will try to make this work. Try and make it late and hopefully the rounds will have finished.
Ask if he can just use a bottle or if there have been continence issues.

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 21/05/2023 15:20

Why is he still in hospital? Has he hurt himself? Is he having treatment? Or is he just not safe to go back home yet? If they are not doing anything specific to him then start asking what the plan is for his discharge.

Can he get up and go to the loo by himself? If not then I’m afraid the ward staff are likely to put him in incontinence pants.

Original poster
Scoobydo87 · 21/05/2023 21:11

Thankyou all for taking the time to reply .
My dad has COPD and is riddled with Osteo four days ok he was living independently thank goodness he has his facilities .
The fall has shocked the life out of him and he’s scared that it’s going to happen again
with assistance he can get out of bed but gets very panicky and breathless .

He can use the commode when assisted but he is now high risk for falls . The Physio’s spend 10 minutes with him a day but I’m not sure that it’s enough they are now thinking about rehab

Thankyou for the reassurance regarding nappies when your mother was in hospital

my dad asked several times for the commode yesterday and it never came the weekends are the worst in hospital with skeleton staff . I just hope that he doesn’t start getting into the habit of soiling the pad this in itself is bad for soreness and more problems . I just don’t know what to do maybe I am in denial that he won’t be going home but I can’t bear the thought of a nursing home

OP posts:
Pickledmeg · 21/05/2023 21:17

Sadly due to resources hospitals are often the worst places in many ways for elderly people. I do agree with others though that sadly it might be worth exploring options other than him going back to his place alone. I understand that the thought of a nursing home is horrible and scary, but like anything there are different sorts that suit different people- some are bloody brilliant and will give you peace of mind too. An unmumsnetty hug though x

vdbfamily · 21/05/2023 21:20

It is outrageous the amount of patients who are put in nappies. Ask him if he knows when he needs to go. Ask the staff to try a bottle with him to see if he could manage that if no one responds to the bell. Suggest he does not wait until desperate but ring bell every free hours and ask to walk to toilet, even if they walk behind with commode in case he needs to sit down. Or, they could wheel him to toilet door and let him walk the last bit

Hairyfairy01 · 21/05/2023 21:38

Staff should not be putting him in pads. This is a total bug bear of mine. He's at risk at being labelled incontinent whereas he's not. it's actually down to staffing. Does your dad know when he needs to go? Does he have a calm bell nearby? He needs to make sure he is asking for the toilet ages before he really needs it, which is difficult. If he cannot mobilise to the toilet staff can use a stedy. I hate to say it but maybe see if you can take a week off work. A week off now to ensure things are happening in terms of rehab and discharge will be worth it in the long run. Don't forgot people are often much more confident walking in their own homes. hospital environments with the hard floors, bright lights, wide open spaces, people watching are often the worse place to regain your confidence. People do surprising well at home. Bring him in his own clothes, ensure he is up in the chair daily and eating and drinking well. Make sure he is brushing his teeth. Bring in some baby wipes to help clean the skin of urine. Physio can continue at home. Carers can be provided for the short term (but maybe an awfully long wait).

DeathMetalMum · 21/05/2023 21:48

Some areas will have nursing homes specifically for respite care. I remember my gran being in hospital and declining, she then went into the nursing home temporarily. They had the staff and the time to help her with her mobility and getting around, and she was then able to go home. This happened two or three times after a hospital stay.

FiveShelties · 21/05/2023 21:54

The same thing happened to my Mum, when she asked to go to the toilet, staff just said that she had a pad and just do it.

My Mum was so upset about this and just made her last weeks so undignified.

Original poster
Scoobydo87 · 21/05/2023 22:06

Thankyou all so much , he has tried the bottle but he finds it difficult to use maybe an age thing he’s 84 . I would like to get him out of there asap as soon as he’s medically fit and hopefully they will try rehab
on the other side of it I’m not sure that he’ll get his mobility back it’s so heart breaking .

I agree with your advice and comments but the nhs are stretched and elderly patients sometimes revert back to being babies with beakers and nappies .

OP posts:
Original poster
Scoobydo87 · 21/05/2023 22:07

I think it’s so wrong to say to an able adult wet yourself in a nappy it’s degrading & unacceptable. This can cause break down of the skin as can wearing the nappy alone .

OP posts:
Original poster
Scoobydo87 · 21/05/2023 22:10

I’ve actually read up the elderly in hospital with some leaving hospital unable to lead a life that they previously had before being admitted to hospital most leave double continent as well

OP posts:
Hairyfairy01 · 24/05/2023 22:48

How are you and your dad getting on OP?

Original poster
Scoobydo87 · 25/05/2023 18:47

Hi Hairyfairy01
Thankyou for thinking about us , dad is still in hospital , initially they diagnosed a uti which we thought was the reason for his fall
Then the Dr speculated that he might have Parkinson’s as dad shuffles and couldn’t follow simple motor exercise
I honestly didn’t think it was Parkinson’s I put his mobility down to the nasty trauma & the shock

A different Dr organised a more detailed brain MRI which has shown a clot in his brain

Quite honestly I don’t know what to think , why didn’t they check for stroke when he was admitted .

OP posts:
Hairyfairy01 · 25/05/2023 21:01

I'm sorry to hear that. Generally they will only perform a CT head if they suspect a fall that involves hitting the head. This may have been done in A&E. However an MRI shows much more detail than a CT head. Have they said if the clot is acute (new) or chronic (old)? Keep asking questions to the doctors and physios. If it's an acute infarct (clot) he should be on a stroke specialist ward.

Original poster
Scoobydo87 · 26/05/2023 19:01

Hi Hairyfairy01

Thankyou for your reply , it makes sense my dad didn’t have the classic symptoms of a stroke when he was admitted . He seems ok in himself but because the hospital is stretched for Physio’s he doesn’t walk much I’m just worried that he’s going to lose the ability to walk .
Theyve diagnosed a couple of more problems with him and I’m so worried he’s going to go down hill in hospital

the lack of physio is very concerning

OP posts:
njg616 · 26/05/2023 19:10

Try to watch how the physios get him going and repeat when you're with him (as long as you both feel safe)

Original poster
Scoobydo87 · 26/05/2023 19:19

My dad doesn’t trust me , my hubby is a strong 6,4 man. I really think we have to try this weekend as he won’t be seen until next Tuesday
a physio seen him today but didn’t get him walking . I think they’re waiting to get him into the stroke ward I’m keen to get him out of hospital and into rehab

OP posts:
Unicorn34 · 26/05/2023 19:27

Could you ask for him to be discharged into a step-down bed for Rehab? It will give him some respite care, he will receive some physio to see how he is but will also give him the taste of life in a care home without being a permanent option. He would go for 21-28 days generally

Guardiansofthegalaxi · 26/05/2023 19:30

Sorry to hear this OP. Once somebody has had a fall, they are more at risk for another fall. Does he normally walk with a walking aid? The physios and OTs won’t sign him off as being fit to go home if they believe he’s unsafe and won’t cope as things currently stand. As a PP has mentioned however, he may do much better at home in his own home. Have they mentioned if they think he will need carers? If his mobility has declined whilst in hospital they may send to him to a community hospital for further rehab before going home.
As an aside, do you know if nurses and HCAs are getting him up and walking to bathroom etc?

Mischance · 26/05/2023 19:45

I am sorry to hear all this - it is so hard I know.

When my late OH was in hospital it was a total nightmare and I stayed there all day, taking it in turns with my DDs. He was on an orthopaedic ward after falling and fracturing his hip - he also had Parkinsons. If we had not been there he would not have been fed - he was already down to about 7.5 stone. Food would be put out of his reach, so we stayed with him to feed him. I lost count of the number of times I tried to explain to them that his swallowing was impaired and he needed to take tablets in yoghurt, and that Parkinsons meds need to be taken to a schedule which does not coincide with the drug rounds.

They had one standing aid on the whole ward and it required two nurses to use it safely. So he had a pad, not because he was incontinent of urine, but because no-one could get to him in time, and there were seldom two people available together. On one occasion he was desperate to open his bowels and we waited about 20 minutes for one to appear - he was then left sitting on it for about half an hour because no-one was available to get him off - he was skeletal by then and sitting on this pan was causing him a great deal of pain. My DD and I took his weight between us for all that time to try and ease the pain.

It was so exasperating as I had his drug regime down to a fine art, and also knew when to tweak what to get the best effect. And I could see when they were doing things that would make him worse.

It is 3 years since he died but I have nightmares about it still.

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