Deceased mums partner

[Hoppinggreen]

My Mum died unexpectedly a few months ago and left a will passing everything onto me and my brother. Her partner of 20 years is allowed to remain in the house until he dies or no longer wants to live there, he is 82.
I have no real relationship or affection for him and he has been quite unpleasant at times but we included him in our family due to my Mum and he was generally inoffensive most of the time, although he didn’t really add much to the holidays, events etc we included him in. He has a daughter quite a distance away who has visited twice a year and phoned once a week but that’s all, this was usually driven by my Mum.
Both of them had health issues and we had been talking to them about moving into more supported accommodation, my Mum actually said that while she would rather die than go into a home He would be quite happy. Mum had carers 4 times a day but it was starting to not be enough as her Partner had previously been able to help but was now unable or unwilling to. The carers were helping him a bit but they shouldn’t have been and they did phone me to say it couldn’t continue.
Now her partner is alone in the house, his daughter has arranged carers but expects me and my brother to call in once a week, which I don’t want to do. I have had emails from carers and neighbours expressing concern about him and I have passed these onto his daughter and/or encouraged them to speak to her direct. She says he’s fine and bats away any concerns. I am not sure but while she is wealthy I don’t think her father has much money
I am not sure what if anything I should be doing, I am concerned about him (he has health issues including dementia) but the more support I give the easier it is for his daughter to say he’s fine, plus I don’t want to go to the house where my Mum died really. I don’t want anything to happen to him but it seems he’s not really coping. My brother has expressed concerns about the house as well as he wouldn’t be able to arrange a plumber for example or anything like that and under the terms of the will he has to properly maintain the house (to be fair my brother probably does want the money from the house too). My brother thinks we have to let him fail so his daughter faces reality. I am not judging his daughter at all for her lack of relationship with him, I am sure she has her reasons but he’s not my responsibility either.
I have his POA should it be necessary but I don’t want to use it - plus he generally IS competent .
I would be straight there in an emergency or if he needed specific help with something but I am happy never to see him again to be honest.
Sorry so long

[whatsyourpoison12]

how is his health in general?

[SmallElephants]

As poa you have a legal duty to act in his interests. The onus is on you , Op, if he lacks capacity in any relevant area.

[Hoppinggreen]

@idontlikementhols

Poor man. Elderly, vulnerable, ill, and no one can be bothered with him.

There’s so much more to it than that

[Hoppinggreen]

@SmallElephants

As poa you have a legal duty to act in his interests. The onus is on you , Op, if he lacks capacity in any relevant area.

I haven’t invoked it so as I understand it I have no legal duty as yet

[Hoppinggreen]

@whatsyourpoison12

how is his health in general?

He has some health issues, dementia, heart problems, a series of TIAs .
Nothing terrible but he’s not very well and he’s very wobbly and confused at times

[whatwillfrankdonow]

Crikey what a nightmare. Sorry about your Mum OP. Difficult situation! Poor chap I guess he has no one really either. Moving someone with dementia is probably not the best thing to do. No easy answers here except that can you get a partner or friend to collect some of your mums things for now… until you feel more up to sorting things out.

Obviously you explain to his daughter that you cannot look after him. He’s not your responsibility. His family - her ! - need to make appropriate care arrangements.

[justanotherdrama]

@Hoppinggreen

What a nightmare I feel for you;

I'd be contacting his daughter and having a very frank and honest discussion with her about things moving forward

Say your perfectly happy if he wants to remain in the house but you aren't doing weekly visits as he's not your responsibility but that he would adopt a more "un-paying tennant" role and landlords are not carers and reiterate about his responsibilities for bills and maintenance eg plumbers and what the arrangements are and have an agreement drawn up

If she feels he needs more input then it's up to her to make the necessary arrangements for her father and If she'd rather he stays in the house she should be the one doing weekly visits not you.

[justanotherdrama]

Sorry clicked post too quick

I'm sorry for your loss and for having to deal with this it all sounds very upsetting and stressful

[Yellowdays]

I'd also arrange an assessment. I think I'd politely also be putting the daughter straight, which would incidentally help with how she speaks to you.

[Yellowdays]

justanotherdramas suggestion is a good approach.

[Hoppinggreen]

Thank you to everyone who has commented, especially those who said they were sorry for the loss of my Mum.
Just to clarify a few things
My Mums Partner is ok for now, he has carers calling in twice a day to see to his basic needs. The danger is if he goes out or anything happens out of the ordinary as he gets easily confused. He is also lonely and his MH is not good.
His daughter has not actually asked or told us to visit him, I was told by a carers who expressed concern that the daughter said me and my brother visited regularly. She has just assumed.
The Daughter prefers to deal with my brother as on the surface he seems more amenable but he really isn’t. Also she is a bit more wary of me in general as I won’t just tell her what she wants to hear - apparently he will be fine when he gets over Covid (I know Covid can have long term effects but he’s no better or worse since he had it). Also when I went to my Mums 2 days after she died to collect some things she was there and followed me around telling me what I could and couldn’t touch until I basically told her to F off so she knows not to push me too far.
The daughter lives 300 miles away and has a very important job so daily visits are out. I don’t know when/if she plans to visit again.
In no way do I judge her for the relationship (or lack of) with her father, he has another daughter who he hasn’t seen for 30 years which speaks volumes to me BUT he’s certainly not my responsibility either.
I am still waiting for Probate so we don’t officially own the house yet, once that happens we will review the situation

[MereDintofPandiculation]

Once you own the house, you’ll find you need Landlord’s insurance, despite it being occupied by a family member and you getting no rent.

[SheilaFentiman]

Good luck OP, I hope that probate isn’t too stressful. Come and post in the cockroach cafe if you ever need to vent or have a virtual cuppa.

[Hoppinggreen]

@MereDintofPandiculation

Once you own the house, you’ll find you need Landlord’s insurance, despite it being occupied by a family member and you getting no rent.

Thank you.
It is leasehold so the insurance is covered via that.

[Hoppinggreen]

@SheilaFentiman

Good luck OP, I hope that probate isn’t too stressful. Come and post in the cockroach cafe if you ever need to vent or have a virtual cuppa.

Thank you.
I have done Probate online and had confirmation they are dealing with it so we will see. There is just the house and 1 bank account so shouldn’t be too bad