Rapid deterioration- when to consider a home?

Contact adult social services. Is he deemed to have capacity? Raise a concern re safeguarding.
tell ss you can longer be responsible- carer breakdown.

Turn your phone off. I'm not even joking. I know he's your dad but you can't carry on taking responsibility for him, especially if he's going to the pub to get pissed every night.

Social services ought to be able to do a capacity assessment or alternatively his GP could (GP would probably be quicker). If he's deemed to have capacity he can't be forced into anything he doesn't want.

You need to say that you can't continue to support him. Possibly even to the extent that you stop taking phone calls about him (I had to do this with my mother). Eventually the crisis happens or the wheels fall off in some other way and they finally are found not to have capacity but it can be a bumpy road especially when they can fool officialdom for 30 minutes or so.

You could ask SS to do a needs assessment too if one hasn't been done lately but waiting times are long now I believe. Also may not be worth it if you think he won't co-operate with it. Would something like that work if you present it as "this is going to happen" rather than give him a choice?

The stuff with the police should help - it's all evidence but I think the other route (sectioning) only happens when the person is deemed a danger to themselves or others.

I'd be tempted to tell the old friend "yes, phone the police every time, and stop phoning me". The only reason I didn't have a breakdown when this happened to me was liberal use of "do not disturb" on my mobile and blocking various numbers. So many people/agencies expect children to take complete responsibility for their parents and it is just wrong.

Very best of luck.

It's really hard. I feel so much for you, we are in a similar situation with my dad. Until now he has been managing at home, with help from my mum but now has significant health/mobility issues on top of the rapidly worsening dementia. He's currently in hospital getting treatment but really, I don't think he'll be able to come home.

Agree that first point of call is social services. There will be a 24 hour number if you are desperate - I called them and had such a reassuring chat with the duty social worker who then arranged for someone to go out and see mum. They are the experts about the funding, the benefits, the homes in your area. The one thing I have been told on several occasions by friends in similar positions and by medical professionals is that you need to be very selfish and assertive - no you can't be your dad's carer, no you can't have him move in with you, no you can't go and live with him. Sounds really brutal but you need to look out for yourself, your partner and your own kids.