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Elderly parents
Original poster

Money woes

32 replies

Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 16:43

My mum is awaiting an appointment at the memory clinic, they are trying to speed it up as she’s in a care home and causing havoc!
She’s suddenly become obsessed with money, or lack of it.
She has plenty in the bank, together with a house we will need to sell in the new year.

Unfortunately she wants actual cash in her purse. She carries a handbag around constantly and always had cash in her purse. She now gives it away to other residents so the notes are being kept in the safe at the care home and she has a few coins in her purse. These keep being doled out and then she gets annoyed when they’re not given back to her.

Despite me telling her she has no need to worry about money, what can I do?!

Ideally I could source some old notes (no longer legal tender ones) that she could count but they’d have no monetary value if lost/given away.

Any advice gratefully received x

OP posts:
PragmaticWench · 18/12/2022 16:45

If it calms her to have cash then some old notes sound ideal, she can count them and hand them to people freely.

DPotter · 18/12/2022 16:51

I think offering her old notes is an excellent idea. My DM had similar fixations about money. Make sure you hold on to her jewellery too. My DM has nothing left of the rings etc she had.

Don't worry too much about getting a firm diagnosis - my DM got very distressed during her assessment and it had to be stopped. All the appropriate services kicked in as much of the care is Social Services based and they work on activities of daily living criteria.

It's hard though - please remember to take care of yourself

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 16:57

I’m looking on EBay but can’t seem to find old notes in the quantities I’d require.

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 18/12/2022 17:00

Would monopoly money be a step too far OP?

What would happen if no one gave her any?

countrygirl99 · 18/12/2022 17:00

Would she realise if it was foreign money? Friends may have odd bits left over from trips that aren't worth changing. I've all sorts in a tin.

Rowthe · 18/12/2022 17:05

Do you think fake money, some sort of toy money would be ok.

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 17:05

It would need to be proper old notes. One that have been taken out of circulation recently.

OP posts:
Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 17:06

Foreign or Monopoly money would definitely not work.

OP posts:
TotallyOP · 18/12/2022 17:06

I don't think that will work as you can still change them in a bank 🧐.

isthewashingdryyet · 18/12/2022 17:07

Old notes still have the face value though, so people can take them to a bank and get the updated notes. So she is still giving the same amount of money away.

can the cash point be broken ?

Dacadactyl · 18/12/2022 17:07

Can you just photocopy some tenners?

Rowthe · 18/12/2022 17:08

You can buy fake £20 on Amazon or do not think that would work?

RiderOfTheBlue · 18/12/2022 17:15

My aunty became very anxious about having cash in her purse. It had to be notes. She could have a purse full of coins but in her eyes she had no money. It took us a while to work out it was because she couldn't count the coins any longer. They were no use to her. She would pay for everything with a note, no matter how small the purchase.

We never came up with a solution but she stopped demanding notes after a few months. Like most things it was just a phase.

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 17:39

The play money is tiny. I’ve looked at so many sets!

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 18/12/2022 17:39

The play money is tiny. I’ve looked at so many sets

Oh that's no good then.

Have you got access to a colour copier?

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 17:41

9x4.5cm

OP posts:
Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 17:41

Yes we have a copier x

OP posts:
Unicorn2022 · 18/12/2022 17:42

This is old fashioned but what worked for my MIL was carrying around an old pension book - she found it really reassuring and comforting. If you've got an old one of hers or could make one that looks current it might help instead of cash. Either that or a savings account book showing that she has a bit of money.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 18/12/2022 17:55

Hi OP

EBay sell pre-decimalisation notes which have no value. Would that help?

LinesAndDot · 18/12/2022 17:57

Ah OP, be careful of the suggestion to photocopy bank notes. I’m not in the UK, but in other jurisdictions if you did this you could unintentionally commit a criminal act - possessing counterfeiting money and/or creating counterfeit money. Not sure if UK is the same, but I’d say so.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 18/12/2022 18:01

LinesAndDot · 18/12/2022 17:57

Ah OP, be careful of the suggestion to photocopy bank notes. I’m not in the UK, but in other jurisdictions if you did this you could unintentionally commit a criminal act - possessing counterfeiting money and/or creating counterfeit money. Not sure if UK is the same, but I’d say so.

Good point, if she gives photocopied money to other residents and they then try and spend them it could all get a bit complicated.

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 18/12/2022 18:07

I just want to give my mum a bit of what she wants.
we lost my dad suddenly in September so she’s had to move into a care home. She wants to go home. She has lost everything and all she’s asking for is some money (and her rings that I’ve had to take away from her as they are very valuable and she kept losing/offering them around.

I feel as if I’m totally failing her 😪

OP posts:
DPotter · 18/12/2022 18:48

Oh Born you're not failing her. She's on a pathway that's scary and it's understandable she wants security and to go home, especially as she's lost her husband recently. However she's in a safe place. We got my Mum some costume jewellery which she likes to wear - would that help ?

Allsnotwell · 18/12/2022 18:52

Photocopy some real ones? Probably illegal!