Hand hold

[strokefil]

Wise MN I have NC for this thread. Probably need a bit of a hand hold too if that's allowed.

FIL in his 70's was admitted to hospital yesterday afternoon and we had it confirmed that evening he had suffered a severe LHS stroke. He was treated within the golden hour with the clot buster treatment which we were grateful for given the current wait times at the local A&E's (he was taken to closest to incident hospital rather than transported to his 'home' hospital) which is a 45min car journey each way along with having to taxi MIL too as she doesn't know the way. I've already suggested that DH he gets her to drive tomorrow so she learns the route.

They've since done more tests and have added atrial fibrillation to his diagnosis. His speech is unaffected however he it is very scrambled.

They've also told us today that they can't do anything further at the moment and it's a watch and wait situation as any further treatment just now could cause another stroke or a heart attack. If he manages to rehab in some form they've prepared us that he will most likely need a wheelchair for mobility and need adaptations at home.

He is NBM and has a NG tube / fluids at the moment as he doesn't have a safe swallow reflex. He has had B&B accidents, I'm surprised they haven't catheterised him?

I have no idea how to support DH with this. He is in bits. My dad passed away from a catastrophic heart attack so I've never had to deal with the aftermath of a parent being unwell.

I'm trying to stay positive and hang onto the hope however I know it's going to be a very long and difficult time ahead.

We have also found out our IVF round has been successful (4 weeks) so trying to manage that too as don't want to tell anyone about our 🫘 🧬 before 12 weeks at least in case things go awry.

Huge congratulations on the IVF @strokefil

Watching and waiting is awful, we were in a very similar position with my DGM, who incidentally did recover almost fully.

I think all that you can do for your DH so early on is anything practical, like making sure he's fed and has snacks for the Hospital and to listen.

It's likely that once DFIL is discharged from Hospital he will either go to a Rehab Ward or a Care Home for a few weeks. I would encourage this if you can as they often get physio to make them stronger for the transition to home.

Do keep posting as well, the experienced MNers in this section can help you navigate each stage from talking to the Doctors and Discharge Clerk, to organising an OT visit and applying for Attendance Allowance once he's home

Oh and it might be just a little early for DMIL to drive today, she's likely to be in shock still

Thank you @PritiPatelsMaker I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me.

Further update this morning is FIL has had a further haemorrhage and has a chest infection. They've got a meeting with the consultant later on this morning. I'm trying to work but it's proving challenging ❤️

I'm trying to work but it's proving challenging

I can imagine that trying to work is hard trying to work. Are you able to take any Compassionate leave?

Just a handhold here. No experience of strokes although it is likely that my DF had a stroke a few days before he died. I can only echo previous poster - just look after the practical things - meals and snacks and just be there to quite literally hold your DH's hand.

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere thank you for the handhold it's really appreciated.

@PritiPatelsMaker I'm pained to take leave as already had a lot of special leave for our IVF cycle. I would sit and brood if I wasn't distracted too with work. One more day then a couple of days off to try and get the house sorted and Christmas tree up even though I really can't be bothered 😕 😮‍💨

Consultant meeting update
The clot hasn’t dissolved, there is some brain ‘death’ and he’s too unstable to operate
He’s on oxygen due to a chest infection he's developed
Nill by mouth - fluids & nose tube feed as his swallow reflex hasn’t returned
❤️ is still misbehaving
He’s critical risk for further stroke within next 3 weeks
They've also moved him to his own room too near the nurses station which I know is so they can keep a close eye on him.
He's also getting quite narky with the staff as they keep waking him up

MIL, her boiler is on the wonk, she called the boiler maintenance people and they've said next Tues at the earliest 😩 DH is going to call them to try and get a sooner visit. I've said sod it and call out an independent engineer as you really can't be without heat or hot water especially just now with the cold snap.

So sorry OP
agree MIL shouldn't drive for a bit and get an engineer for the boiler

they say the clot hasn't dissolved in response to the meds. Wondering what sort of clot it is. Mum had a brain bleed after a fall. It was discovered too late to give meds but it dissolved by itself over a few weeks.

it is watch and wait...it might help to find out where he can go for rehab...then he and everyone might feel a bit more in control. I am sorry, the "parent in hospital" thing is awful.

@EmmaAgain22 thank you for taking the time to message, I really appreciate it ❤️

Boiler is top of DH to do list tomorrow as it's currently -6 here so very chilly and don't want MIL to end up in the hospital too. I think we are going to tackle the driving over the weekend by getting MIL to drive and us as passengers (pray my subtitles are on mute as I'm not a good passenger at the best of times!)

From doing some reading around what type of clot it is, it's a Cerebral embolism as the consultant was able to tell us that it had formed in his heart and travelled to his brain 🧠

Sleep evading me tonight with the most random thoughts and thing's popping into my head 😩 thankfully DH is asleep as he is shattered

Op, I’m sending you so much love.
My dad had a huge stroke in sept - he was 89. I’d just landed in USA on holiday and had to get flights straight home. I was able to stay at his side until he passed away.

He also had heart failure, pneumonia and his kidneys were not working to capacity and we were told they would keep him comfortable.

I was with him when he passed and wouldn’t have changed anything.

Im Sending love and strength to you and the family x x

@Borntobeamum so glad that you got to be with your DF at the end 

@strokefil did you manage to get any sleep?

I really would not encourage DMIL to drive this weekend if you can. She's likely to be very, very stressed, upset and scared. I used to live by a major hospital and there were always lots and lots of crashes, mainly caused by people in a very similar state to your DMIL who simply hadn't got the concentration for driving.

Just wanted to say that I'm sending positive thoughts for you all

@Borntobeamum and @rainbowstardrops thank you it's really appreciated, @Borntobeamum I'm glad you got to be with your dad ❤️‍🩹

@PritiPatelsMaker I did manage a few hours thank you and was very naughty and had a proper coffee this morning (been on decaf due to our IVF). I've finished work sharp today too. Will leave the driving as you are right she is very wrung out which is understandable.

No change in FIL today

MIL - DH tried and failed to get through to homecare about their heating, looong wait time and then getting cut off!!! he is waiting on a couple of local engineers calling him back and we are going to pay one of them to hopefully sort it out. From his trip around Google it sounds like it's a simple reset of the boiler needed however to access the reset switch you need to take the cover off the boiler which he doesn't want to do and potentially cause more issues.

FIL has declined, they think he has had another stroke and has build up of pressure on his 🧠 the hospital have said and my MIL has agreed that moving him to scan is too risky and could cause him to crash enroute or in the scanner. We’ve had the call. Now playing the sit and wait game at the hospital for the inevitable, the priest has been in and given last rights. My heart is aching to DH, he is so lost and I don't know what to do apart from support him ❤️‍🩹

Oh I am so, so sorry. I can't do anything to help but please know you have people thinking of you

Oh I'm so sorry @strokefil. The waiting is so awful. Do make sure that you have time for regular snacks and drinks though.

And yes, i hope yours comforted by the fact that some of us are thinking of you

I’ve been there….. thinking of you all 💔

I’m sorry you’re going through this @strokefil

We are here for you and thinking of you all. Just listen to your DH and be guided by him. There’s no right or wrong way to do things.

@rainbowstardrops , @PritiPatelsMaker , @Borntobeamum @Anewuser thank you the virtual hand holds and thoughts are really appreciated. I've been sent home by DH to rest properly due to our 🫘, cuddling ddog very close tonight. When I left there was no change in FIL, I'm hoping he slips away with MIL, DH and BIL by his side 💔

This is utterly garbage 😩

@PritiPatelsMaker I made sure to keep snacks and fluids up for everyone and bought a boatload from the hospital shop ❤️

Just came upon your thread and wanted to send an unmumsnetty hug.
Try and get some sleep if you can as you are going to have a tough few days.

@Fizzadora thank you for the hug it was appreciated 🥰 currently mindlessly scrolling MN as brain is on hyperdrive mode 😩 stupid stuff like the house is being neglected, Christmas stuff needs done, DH mentioned tonight he needs a new suit 🤦‍♀️ going to try and get some rest soon as need to be prepared for the coming days ❤️

Hope you managed to get a little rest, I know it’s difficult but you’re growing a life. You may find things speed up quickly when doctors are back tomorrow.

@Anewuser managed to get some rest and being doing practical stuff today.

FIL is still here, the consultant has given him some morphine this morning but no driver set up just yet. DH is absolutely shattered but won’t leave the hospital which I understand 💔

Aww @strokefil so sorry to read this. Make sure you rest up and eat properly yourself. Take care

@Malbecfan thank you. I'm trying to take time and make sure I'm eating too

FIL is still here, they've given him some more morphine to keep him comfortable. DH, BIL and MIL are staying at the hospital again tonight 💔

Ddog is keeping me company, I can't sleep so been working on a few things to try and tire my brain out.

This is utterly 💩