Parent refusing to eat (everything tastes bad apparently) and generally not ^trying^ after a stay in hospital.

[lostinwales]

Hello, my first post in this topic <waves>.

Apologies for the uncaring sounding title, I wasn't sure how to word it. Lovely mum, 77, (?? some form of dementia but not started diagnosis road) had pneumonia which was treated as an inpatient and developed delirium. She was in hospital for a couple of weeks and we think (due to weight loss) she can't have been eating much on the ward.

She is home now, chest clear, no delirium, no reason at all to not be back on her feet but it's as if (and I know this sounds incredibly callous but I can't find the words for it) she just doesn't want to try. She is mostly confined to her bedroom and will only walk across the landing and back with a lot of persuasion and a walker. The hardest part is her refusing to eat and drink. Whatever we make tastes 'disgusting', she makes terrible faces whenever we persuade her to eat. Today I got half a litre of water in to her over the course of the day but it was almost all of my day trying to make it happen, the awful face pulling happens with water too even though she says it doesn't taste of anything. She is barely weeing or pooing.

I am; making tasty calorie dense food in tiny portions and eating with her, trying her with different flavours/textures to see if one suits, trying different drinks/milkshakes/fizzy drinks/super cold drinks, everything gets a face and refusal. Has anyone come across anything like this before? We are at a total loss.

TIA

V mixed feelings about this, but they don't argue with the nurses the way they do with us. Yes, they’re frightened to make their feelings known when they’re in the care of strangers.

I know :( hence the very mixed feelings - their health is much, much better as a consequence but its awful they feel this way.

Spend a lot of time advocating for them and creating space for them to talk to me freely so that I can act on their behalf. Just hope it's enough :(

It does very much sound like an unsafe discharge. I would complain through PALS.

Just wanted to offer some reassurance though. I've just had a severe chest infection and can hardly eat. Yesterday I had 2 rounds of toast and marmalade and half a dozen chips. Not the healthiest diet but I really wasn't hungry.

If she's on steroids is she also having something to protect her stomach?

I found with DF that if I could get him to eat even a small amount of anything (like your 5 teaspoons of mousse), then it seemed to open the door to eat more later. If I could get him to eat anything at all then I’d try again after about 30 minutes, and he’d invariably manage a good bit more.
It’s like having something tiny gives enough energy to remind them to feel hungry again.

Kind of like when you’re so tired you cba getting up off the sofa and getting ready for bed - as soon as you stand up you’re ok and you just go with it.

my mum has dementia fairly severely bow and pushes her plate away after a few mouthfuls not sure why because if you say no eat some more she will eat a couple more mouthfuls before the same thing happens again all the way through the meal !! this is a relatively new thing dementia is ever changing

Don't know how I'd have got through the last few days without you lot in here. It's utterly exhausting.

Is there a chat for people whose parents have dementia? Just talking to other people who are in a similar boat is so helpful.

Although my dad still thinks she's going to be back to normal within weeks, I really wish I had his optimism.

@PritiPatelsMaker She stopped the steroids a few weeks ago but I realise now she's still taking the omeprazole! I'll ask the pharmacist as that won't help with her vitamin absorption from the small amounts of food she takes.

Is there a chat for people whose parents have dementia? Just talking to other people who are in a similar boat is so helpful
There is a Dementia Section on MN under health but it's not as busy as the Elderly Parents Section under "other stuff". I'd have a look at the Cockroach Cafe thread as that's an ongoing support thread

Thank you

Have you ?
nasty sickly things 😱 and we expect people feeling meh to want them ….

im writing “ maccy d milk shake daily “ in my EOL Plan. Still sweet and a bit ott but more palatable.

keep trying OP but if she doesn’t want to maybe she should be allowed to gracefully give up ?

That was supposed to quote the “ have you tried fortisip “

ot wasn’t a random nasty reply to op !

@Helenloveslee4eva we have tried Fortisip and the other one but along with 100% of things we try she doesn't like them. Can spot a teaspoon of the stuff hidden in anything too, which is pretty impressive as she claims everything tastes universally disgusting

Some days I have felt like just letting her give up but she's not competent to make that decision and also not unknown for dramatics when she was well. Anyway I am home for a couple of weeks with a DS who also wants to bulk up but happily eats and eats so he is benefitting from a lot of the things I have learned about sneaking extra calories in.

Almost zombie thread but I just wanted to update everyone who has been so helpful.

This week, after a long hard slog not just by me but by family and carers she is eating again! Everything that is put in front of her goes, slowly but self fed and with no complaints. I have also learned a lesson about not leaving the rind of her satsuma within reach because we have gone a little too far the other way .

So thank you very much for all your help and kind words, persevering with small amounts of good quality calorie and plugging away day in day out has worked and I have to admit I was skeptical back in November. She still won't have a single sip of Fortisip though!

That's such good news @lostinwales and thank you for the update

MIL, 90+ and with dementia, survived the last 6 months of her life largely on tubs of Quality Street and those individual pots of custard you buy in the supermarket. You do what you have to!

That's a great update - well done.

Great update. To be honest l have never tried Fortisip but doled out a lot to patients and the smell alone is enough for me! I don’t think l could drink more than a mouthful

I'm with her re the fortisip, have you tried that stuff?!

Great news though, I'm really pleased she's turned a corner and such a weight off your mind too :) your update will help others in the future too I think!