Parent refusing to eat (everything tastes bad apparently) and generally not ^trying^ after a stay in hospital.

[lostinwales]

Hello, my first post in this topic <waves>.

Apologies for the uncaring sounding title, I wasn't sure how to word it. Lovely mum, 77, (?? some form of dementia but not started diagnosis road) had pneumonia which was treated as an inpatient and developed delirium. She was in hospital for a couple of weeks and we think (due to weight loss) she can't have been eating much on the ward.

She is home now, chest clear, no delirium, no reason at all to not be back on her feet but it's as if (and I know this sounds incredibly callous but I can't find the words for it) she just doesn't want to try. She is mostly confined to her bedroom and will only walk across the landing and back with a lot of persuasion and a walker. The hardest part is her refusing to eat and drink. Whatever we make tastes 'disgusting', she makes terrible faces whenever we persuade her to eat. Today I got half a litre of water in to her over the course of the day but it was almost all of my day trying to make it happen, the awful face pulling happens with water too even though she says it doesn't taste of anything. She is barely weeing or pooing.

I am; making tasty calorie dense food in tiny portions and eating with her, trying her with different flavours/textures to see if one suits, trying different drinks/milkshakes/fizzy drinks/super cold drinks, everything gets a face and refusal. Has anyone come across anything like this before? We are at a total loss.

TIA

I lost my taste and smell with Covid and found acidic flavours (lemon and vinegar), salty and spicy food best at first rather than sweet. Chips with vinegar were good and curry. Spiced soup is another good one. Both my grandmother and my father noticed with age that their taste buds were affected, especially after illness, they both liked spicer foods particularly Thai food with fresh lime juice. When my Dad is poorly and goes off food my husband makes him Guinness punch and we give him cake. Chai instead of regular tea might work and lemon, lime and ginger drinks.

jamaicanfoodsandrecipes.com/guinness-punch/

I pause to type a message and lots more help comes flowing in!

Once she is taking some water in she is going to LOVE the idea of a sherry, will maybe use that to motivate her if we get past the everything tastes gross phase (because I don't want to ruin sherry for her if her tastebuds are out of whack).

@BananaSpanner will be looking in to the idea of depression with the gp, it's one thing my dad has actually been thinking about too, low mood being one of the first manifestations of the change.

Honestly thank you everyone, I've been feeling so lonely and this thread has been awesome.

Time in hospital can change an older person
my 87 year old nan was in hospital with pneumonia also had delirium while in there
She wasnt fed well in there and lost alot of weight, she was also treated very badly

She came out with Thrush in her mouth from antibiotics and also ‘everything’ tasted horrid for her

It took lots of love, understanding and lots of extra talking, comforting, talks, and little and often food and drinks.
Apple juice went down well
It took afew months for her to go back to normal

Can a spell in hospital supercharge a dementia, it's like she was showing signs before but moving about and eating/drinking perfectly normally and now she's full on 'gone'.

Sadly, yes. And two weeks is a long time. Just three or four days sent my MIL into a serious decline, and it also terrified her.
We came to an agreement with the care home that she had to go into following the hospital admission, that she would not be admitted to hospital should she become ill.

Oooh, and Potassium was really low so worth asking for some blood tests too

I agree. I had this with my dad recently. Unfortunately he ended up dying, and lost his appetite as he went down hill. He got quite cross at me trying to keep shoving food in him. I don’t think the hospital helped at all, putting meals and drinks where it was hard to reach, or pee pots out of reach so he was scared to drink in case he wet himself. Eventually they lose the habit of eating or trying to eat.

Ice cream was always a good bet. We got Mac Donald’s milkshakes too, which are high calorie too. Hot chocolate persuaded him to drink at night too.

Good luck OP, keep trying, it’s thankless being a carer sometimes.

Sorry, haven’t read the whole thread - but my mum currently has flu / chest infection and she says everything tastes awful - she’s much less tolerant to sweet things but in general really struggles to eat at the moment, and she’s pretty aware that she needs to. No dementia, usually fit and active (mid-70s). Hope your mum feels better soon.

The hospital didnt help my nan get out of bed to go the toilet
So she didnt drink because she didnt want to wet herself

When she come home, she kept thinking she was still in the hospital so didnt want to eat and drink incase she needed the toilet

Great advice here. I second getting the gp out to review her - if they can do a home visit that would be best. Agree blood test might be good and also think worth while ruling at a low level uti.

Hydration sounds like it could be an issue - ice lollies might help if she's refusing to drink much. Lucazade sport too, if she'll take it. Jellies and fruit have good water content and might taste better to her.

Fortified drinks are revolting. I've had them and find they also repeat on me, the fruit ones are v acidic and burn my gullet on the way down (not literally obviously).

Get a blue plate and bowl. Might not help with the taste but food looks much more appealing on a blue and its recommended for the elderly and dementia patients as it helps them to eat.

Finger food was the breakthrough for my grandma when she was in hospital.

If she's not getting on with sweet things, maybe plain foods or those with a good umami base?

My grandpa could always be tempted by rice pudding. Will she snack on crisps or nuts? If you can get some salt in her she might start drinking more.

You'll need to Google for details, but temperature, smell and ambient sound can all affect how we perceive taste. I read something this weekend about how holding a warm bowl can make a difference and lots of high end restaurants and experimental chefs play about with other senses to enhance food (part of the reason aeroplane food tastes bad is for similar reasons).

Can you eat with her at the table? Communal eating can help sometimes. Or can she help with food prep? If you can engage her in the process, she might feel better about eating.

@lostinwales I saw the comment uptrend about water tasting metallic after pneumonia. I had the same experience with Covid. Homemade elderflower cordial, made with brown sugar, was the only palatable drink for several days. Try eg lemon and honey, sweetened with extra brown sugar? And ice cream. You are being a lovely daughter. X

Does she ask for anything in particular or is she not able to? Literally anything she will eat is good - forget healthy eating regimes, its calories and fluids and sometimes stronger flavours or particular flavours or textures or temperatures can help.

Fortified drinks are not amazingly palatable in my experience and may not be the answer.

The metallic taste can be horrible. I had it as side effect of HG in two of my pregnancies and even though mentally I was entirely rational I just could not eat and struggled with water. It must be awful to feel like that and not be able to rationalise it and it is worryingly difficult to help. If puddings work go for the puddings, don't worry about the rest - its just about calories and fluids for now.

A pp said once you fall out the habit of eating it can be difficult to start again. This is really true and also after long fasting a lot of food can taste far too rich... After a period in hospital when I couldn't eat I found a hobnob overpowering. Things like croissants and fruit were a good thing to start off with for me.

It wasn't an elderly parent but my dd we had to coax back to eating. We had to literally try everything however bad for you they were. The key bizarrely turned out to be crème caramel, the 6 pack ones from the refrigerated section in the supermarket - something my nanna ate following loosing her appetite too. Once we got her eating something we added slowly tiny portions of things she loved, small is key because a large plateful is off putting. With my dd it was mh - she still struggles to eat when stressed but has improved.

With grandmother in law (dementia) I managed to feed her fairly well even though her care home said she didn't eat using the distraction method (no idea if a real thing!) anyway put the tv on, plus chat away ;one sided of course she didn't talk by then) and shovelled in food. She only ate for me for the last few months so I drove 80 miles a day to do it

Try a small glass of sherry before attempting a meal?

Sherry is sweet and palatable and it really does help provoke appetite.

It has been introduced as a regular thing (medication allowing) in some care-homes.

Care homes … dish up beige tasteless mush and wonder why people don’t eat it. It’s the same with chemo. Not my experience

I'm really sorry to hear this. Sadly, attains and changes to routine can exacerbate dementia. My MIL fell and broke her hip and was taken into hospital, and she deteriorated really fast - couldn't recognise anyone, forgot how to eat. It was terrible.

I think you need some help. Did the hospital give you a number to contact if you had any questions after your mum was discharged? They should have a dietician who could help.

Has she had Covid? Parosnia as a common after effect. My DD had extremely limited diet for 6 months as everything tasted and smelled disgusting.

@elephantseal Honestly her discharge would become a whole other thread, my dad went for a visit and was told he was taking her home, he was entirely unequipped for the experience and they offered no help but when he wavered they told him she would be sent home in an ambulance car if he didn't take her. I spoke to the bed manager who told me she could 'sleep on the sofa' if she wasn't strong enough to manage the stairs. It's been very traumatic for my dad.

Anyway, back to my bed after what feels like a very long day. Went shopping first thing and bought lots of calorie dense foods of ALL flavours! Was hoping for some success but she was in quite a negative mood so not sure if she might have likes something. Cream caramel went down the best even though she pulled faces. Got some chocolate mousse in to her at tea (main ingredient cream!) which she complained bitterly about but had 5 small teaspoons when pushed and she was quite animated and funny about 30 mins later, the power of calories!

Still really struggling to mobilise but calories first.

@purplethings I don't think she's ever been properly tested for it but hasn't had any symptoms either.

In fairness, not all care homes. Many do cater with fairly soft, bland diets though.

When my dad was ill towards the end of his life we fave him Rachel's clotted cream rice pudding, luxury custard, cream slices, cakes with buttercream, coffee made with cream, cornflakes with cream, anything to get calories in him. Would she eat any of those or even Bird's Angel delight made with cream or Blancmange?

Op, the discharge sounds awful. Your poor dad. You would be justified in going back to the hospital and citing 'an unsafe discharge', which they hate to hear.

Your parents are lucky to have you. You sound great. 💐

You could make a milkshake and add an egg for extra nutrition. The egg disappears into the ice cream and milk and whatever other flavourings you add (chocolate, caramel, et al).
Very healthy.

@Nat6999 At the moment she is refusing absolutely anything to eat or drink, I understand (or do I? Part of me is just a giant bitch because she seems so determined to hate everything, it can look like she's pulled the poison face before she's even had the food in her mouth) she might be tasting oddly but she is also making everything such heavy weather.

And I'm not a good child, I parachute in for a week then have to rush back to my normal life and my actual children leaving everyone else to do the hard work. I have no patience and want everything better like yesterday please!

Unsafe discharge is the perfect phrase for her leaving hospital.

because she seems so determined to hate everything, it can look like she's pulled the poison face before she's even had the food in her mouth) she might be tasting oddly but she is also making everything such heavy weather.

I used to look after a relative who was like this. It's hard work. We usually got there using the advice on this thread, but when they finally had to go into a care home they became less stubborn. V mixed feelings about this, but they don't argue with the nurses the way they do with us.