My mum had dementia and I also found visiting difficult, especially during the Covid lockdowns when she was brought to me to sit in a tent, a pod or in the reception area! It was better once restrictions lifted when I was able to go to her room or into the lounge with her with other residents.
I always took homemade cake with me as mum used to bake a lot so enjoyed talking about recipes. I used to take my crochet with me as mum would admire my work, look at the colours and want to touch it. The inly problem was that she thought every thing I made was for her!
If we were in her room I put on a dvd which she would watch for a few minutes and it provided back ground noise to break up any awkward silences. I tried to visit with my sister as we could at least chat to each other! As mums illness got worse, it was more difficult as mum refused to engage in typical dementia activities such as look at photos, colour in, do jig saws etc, she thought they were childish and got angry.
I lived close to the home so could cut short a visit to just half an hour if mum was in a bad mood but generally I found an hour was about right. I always had an anxious moment though when driving there wondering what mood mum would be in!
Mum died in May and I only had a few weeks in total of “ normal” visits without restrictions even though she lived at the home for over two years. Her home was very good at opening up visits as soon as the restrictions gradually reduced and even broke the rules a couple of times - allowing my sister who was over from the US for Christmas to visit with me and my siblings when it took us over the number limit!