Suggestions on things to do while visiting mum in care home.

[Imtoooldforallthis]

Just that really, I am only allowed to visit her in her room and it is so boring. We have some old photos we look through but that's about it. What else can I do she has dementia so conversation is difficult.

I work as an activity coordinator in care homes...
Could you print of some nursery rhyme quiz's, eg - Who was in the boat with the butcher and baker? Then try and recite the rhymes together.
Although they appear childish, you would be amazed at how well these are remembered. Even try and get them on you tube on your phone.
Buy some hand cream and offer a hand massage, paint her nails?
I also have a good selection of aromatherapy oils that most enjoy going through, rub a little vegetable oil on the front of hands first and add a couple of drops of sensory oil and massage in. Pop a bit on their clothing or cushions, leaves a lovely scent in rooms.

Could you listen to
some songs on Spotify that are familiar to her?
if she sings any lyrics you can Google the string to find the song and find it on Spotify. I used to do this with my df.

Also are there any old stories she likes to tell? I used to find that if I got certain phrases right, it would trigger df’s memory and he’d recite old stories. I heard them a lot, so maybe not a help with the boredom, but I’d give so much to hear one again.

Can you read a book to her? Also, I used to take a crossword book and read out the clues. It just made it so we weren't sitting in silence.

Could you play some music that your Mum likes. My Mum's is still mobile so sometimes she'll have a little dance too, and she'll sing along. I've got a small speaker which plugs into my phone to play tracks.

Keep the visits short too - anything more than an hour and everyone to frazzled

Can she still play board games or card games - obes which she used to play with you as a child and play herself as a child may be remembered (obviously it depends how advanced her dementia is).

Music can be incredibly powerful.
There was one lady in the same care home as my mum who was physically OK but barely verbal.
When they had musical sessions she would join in and get up and dance - totally transformed

My mum used to enjoy having her nails done. And chunky wooden jigsaws

Would she notice how long you stayed? My parent just wanted to be visited, they didn’t seem to want me there for long. Little and often seemed to be best.

So she doesn't listen to music, she has a radio but keeps switching it off. She would be able to concentrate enough to listen to crossword clues. She does have hand cream there and the staff do her nails etc. It's just she seems to obsess about her clothes and bedding. The other thing she conrantly asks for is money, I have taken a purse in with a few coppers in but she keeps losing them.

I only visit for an hour twice a week.

Does she have a tv? Can you just sit and watch tv together?

I used to read to my dad, often stories he'd read me as a child. It doesn't matter if she's not following them, the sound of your voice will be a comfort to her. Does she like singing? Sing old fashioned songs to her, or play them on your phone.

What do you do at home, or not have time for which you can take along? Crafts, sewing, knitting, painting, something to clean or restore, poetry or familiar book to read a chapter of? Jigsaw? Postcards from familiar places or where you/she have visited on past.

No suggestions, just sympathy here OP. FIL will shortly be going into a care home (dementia) but still lives with MIL at the mo. We try to take him to give her a break when we can. When I ask MIL what he enjoys so we can do something with him, she insists the answer is: nothing.

His best interactions are with a family member’s 18 month old. He definitely enjoys just watching him babble and play and eat etc. Any babies you can steal? 😁

How about something co-operative - take a basket of socks to pair up, or a basket of small clean laundry (even if you have to buy some childrens clothes) to inspect and fold. A button/ bead tin which 'needs sorting' would be good if she likes that activity, and someone on here had a mum who enjoyed untangling and rolling up ribbons. Socks to 'darn' depending on her skill/interest.
Weirdly, my mum enjoyed watching people doing sudoku way beyond the point she could do it
Would she react to you looking at a magazine and you chatting about it - I'm thinking a Homes and Garden sort of thing so you can keep up a stream of 'look at that! I can't imagine a kitchen with so many shelves, so much to dust!' to at least fill in the time.

I used to do sticker books with mum. There are some lovely ones with a scene to complete with stickers (I think I got a couple from the National Trust shop). We had one that was garden scenes, and one a stately home. I'd remove the sticker and hand it to mum and we'd chat about where to put it. We also had a dementia-friendly jigsaw, I think I got it from the Alzheimers Society shop - it only had about 12 pieces. It didn't matter how many times we did it.

Colouring books, dominoes, magazines so you can chat about the articles, quizzes on TV (DParent still mourning the absence of Richard Osman on Pointless!). Some children's programmes on TV - Malory Towers was good.

Jigsaws, puzzle books. I often take a flask of tea and HM cake/biscuits.

Show photos of the family on phone. The grandkids will do a video call once a week when I'm there.

The libraries in our area have a range of resources to borrow that are specifically for interacting with people with dementia. There's items including jigsaws with a very few large pieces (like 6 -20) in adult pictures, or a set of little bottles containing smells that older people would be familiar with (eg cut grass. lavender etc), books with reminiscence type pictures and few words to stimulate conversation, also packs of flashcards with things from her past which prompt memories, CDs of old music etc.
The items are free to borrow, but aren't kept in the actual libraries and have to be ordered in from a central point.
This is in my area, and your library area might be different but it's worth checking the library website or asking your librarian. It's not widely known about here but useful for people in your position.

I think the issue is she can't settle to anything she just wants to wander around and obviously while I'm visiting due to covid we can't walk around the home. She only watches TV literally for 5 minutes before she jumps up to do something. I will try some suggestions maybe a sticker book. She also gets upset when I show her pictures of the GC on my phone and I can't say I've been anywhere or done anything as it upsets her. I just have to say I've been to work.

Maybe take a magazine to look through together. I used to do this with my gran. One with a variety of pictures and subjects works well- you can just flick through together and comment in any way you want on what you see and that can inspire a chat or if it doesn’t just turn the page. What a beautiful scene, reminds me of my holiday in Scotland. I like that dress, do you? Etc etc.

Do you think she could sort things - maybe have a pile of change and ask her to put the coins in different pots. Or sort buttons by colour.

I realise how fortunate I am that my mum has no mobility and can't wander. Although she loved the tv she never liked having music in the background but now she really engages with the sing a longs in the home.

Like your mum she would get agitated about her clothes. She was used to me putting her clothes out every evening so when she went into the home she wanted me to do that still.

Something that mum really enjoyed when she started in the home was this lamp:
www.amazon.co.uk/Playlearn-Mini-Jellyfish-Aquarium/dp/B06XCTXDLM/ref=sr_1_5?crid=1QREGZ5E9CEHJ&keywords=jelly+fish+light+lamp&qid=1667384789&qu=eyJxc2MiOiI1LjQ2IiwicXNhIjoiNC42MiIsInFzcCI6IjQuMDcifQ%3D%3D&sprefix=jelly+fish+%2Caps%2C131&sr=8-5

She found it really relaxing so we would watch it together.

I visit once a week for an hour usually with my cousin or a friend - not on a bus route so dependent on others for transport - and an hour is long enough although we have been sent home earlier on occasion!

We would have a pamper time eg hand cream, facial, nails, etc. Have a little dance. Read books. Do puzzles. Play with fidget spinner / pop its. Style hair (eg take in rollers, clips). Do some gentle exercises/stretches. List all family members with little updates on each - mum liked hearing all their names.
We were able to go walks round the grounds.
Call or facetime other family members and friends.

Some great ideas, I'm just visiting and realise she is struggling to use the radio, so looking fir recommendation fir a new radio. I had it on a preset but as she keeps fiddling with it she knocks it off the station even though I've put marks on the buttons. Like that lamp, I'm going to get that for her.

relish-life.com/music/radios/relish-radio?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=18133760349&utm_content=&utm_term=&gclid=Cj0KCQjwqoibBhDUARIsAH2OpWguuKdfHcm7S3Qa5DwniVAuncQrSa2O_qZxscd1Nx6ekZEPybi74tEaAmRSEALw_wcB

Would something like this work?

Exactly yes, a bit pricey but looks ideal.