Impossible Question but how long?

[ShouldIknowthisalready]

I feel awful asking this but anyway....

89 year old Mum in a care home for 2 and half years. Has dementia and not been able to walk for the last 18 months & incontinent. Hard to understand but did chatter away, could not answer questions directed at her.

In the last week she is now not able to swallow and bed ridden can no longer make any words, sleeps a lot but does open her eyes and tries to talk. Not in pain and does not appear to be agitated etc.

It seems she is swallowing small amounts of soup but can not take her meds. The home has set up end of life medication but she is not having it yet as seems settled.

Previously she seemed to declined in stages and then level out at that stage for quite a long time.

Can this stage go on for a while. It is no life for Mum but I am grateful that at the moment she is not frightened or in pain.

So sorry for your loss. I'm glad the end was peaceful.

@ShouldIknowthisalready so sorry to hear hear about your Mum passing but good to hear it was peaceful. My Dad has had Lewy bodies dementia for a few years now. He has deteriorated significantly in the last few weeks to the extent that I think the best we can hope for now is a quick and peaceful end. However I feel so guilty thinking like this. A month ago his quality of life was worth fighting for but now he seems so confused when awake and sleeps most of the time. He is well cared for (my mum is a saint) but I feel I should be doing more.

Dont be hard on yourself we can only do what we can do. It is a very hard time and we all have to deal with it the best we can. Unmunsnetty hand hold.

Thank you all for your comments. The words of strangers has really helped.

Condolences OP. So glad it was peaceful.

Embrace the relief.

I only jumped in here at the tail end, but the kind words to the OP have soothed me too. So thank you all. The internet can be very kind too.

@ShouldIknowthisalready thank you for the hand hold. Dad is still clinging on but is getting more sleepy and confused every day. It's awful to see him like this and I do hope he is not in pain. But how would we know? He can't communicate well at all now. He mouths some words but even when you can make out the words they don't make any sense.

I feel the same. I’m all for prolonging life but I’m not a fan of prolonging death.

Thinking of you, your Mum and your family.

@Arucanafeather that is exactly what it feels like. Prolonging the suffering of both my Dad who is dying and my elderly Mum who is his carer.

I would feel the same too. Sending you some big hugs for this tough time.