Waiting for the inevitable

[Borntobeamum]

My DF89 was admitted to hospital with a stroke. He also has pneumonia, heart failure and his kidneys are failing too.

Hes sleeping most of the day and night but very restless too. He has an old fracture of his hip that nobody knew about but that explains why he’s been unable to walk for months.

I’ve been at his bedside 48 hours and fortunately we can have visitors 24/7 and the staff are being amazing.

I’m just so sad that my wonderful kind loving and very respected dad is in some discomfort and I can’t do anything about it. They are trying to keep him comfortable with Medazolam.

Please hold my hand as this journey progresses x x

Sorry to hear about your dad. I have sat with residents at night, when relatives have not been able to stay. Is he in pain, have they not given him other pain relief?

Sorry to hear about your dad. It’s a surreal time alternating with breakthrough times of worrying realism, I found. I’m not explaining myself very well but extending a hand hold as you go through this 🌷

So sorry, I hope things are as peaceful as possible for your dad.

Here's another handhold. It's so hard to watch a loved one go through this.

And it's emotionally tough and exhausting being a daughter and being advocate for your dad's needs.

Try to take care of yourself too. Have you got someone with you to share the load?

I’m hoping today the consultant will prescribe Something stronger as he is still moaning and in obvious pain.
I’m very well supported and this is a real blessing to me.
Thank you for being here x x

Medazalam is for agitation and suppose to help calm him. He needs diamorphine or some sort of morphine to help with pain.

Midazolam forgot how to spell it.

I will ask the doctor. They want to treat his pneumonia with antibiotics however we know he’s not going to survive so I’d rather they just offer EOL care 💔😪

Handhold - take care of your self

My thoughts are with you

Have to try all options, thought they would have started antibiotics if he has pneumonia. Hope you managed to get some sleep.

@Borntobeamum this is the same as my Mums last journey. We asked for pain relief for her and the doctor suggested paracetamol, as morphine would depress her breathing. My sister told the doctor that as mum was going to die shortly anyway, depressed breathing was the least of her issues. She got the morphine and died, peacefully with most of her family there, in ten hours later.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this, but persevere and get your dad the pain relief he needs, and deserves.

My DM had a stroke early on a Friday am, I visited Friday, all day Saturday and all day Sunday. We didn’t see her being given anything, so it was just a waiting game. We left at 6 pm on the Sunday to go and get some food and were called to say she had passed away. We felt like she waited until we had said our goodbyes and gave her a kiss.

It is very hard to know that the end is coming. My father had a stroke and though initially optimistic but after a rollercoaster six weeks the doctors told us he would not recover and withdrew treating him. They said it would take hours but he lived for another five days, which was heartbreaking for my mother.
I'm sure he knows you are there and that must be comforting for him.

I am so sorry. He is in the best place and you are by his side. That's all you can do. My thoughts are with you. I wish I had better words than this, but I know that none can really help.

With love. x

All active treatment has been stopped.
I saw no reason to recanulate him for antibiotics when he was going to pass from Heart failure kidney failure and a severe stroke.
he has been given Midazolam and OxyContin (?)
Hes finally peaceful and we are playing him music and telling him we love him 💔

I'm so sorry you're all going through this. It must be heart-breaking.

I'm so very sorry at your impending loss. But how wonderful that you can all be with him and he'll go being surrounded by all that love. My thoughts are with you. x

I hope that he is comfortable. I sat with my Nan recently at the end of her life. She was incredibly agitated and hung on for days during EOL care. She didn't have fluids for around four or five days, she battled on until all three generations of us were together in the room with her.

The drugs to calm were a miracle and she finally settled, fell asleep and drifted off. Even at points she was raising a smile as we were talking about old memories - so I'm sure your dad knows that you are there with him.

Please be kind to yourself. I wish you all the best and you've been very brave making those tough, but absolutely right decisions.

I see they have stopped active treatment. This can be a major hurdle in hospital.
When my DM was admitted the last time she was concious and very articulate but physically at the end. We were very lucky that a palliative care consultant was in the ward and we managed to get him to see mum. He talked to her for ages and put in motion the withdrawal of treatment and maximised pain relief. She was very grateful and slipped away 10 hours later.
When he spoke to us he explained that for many doctors the decision to stop treating and striving for "cure" is difficult and they often prolong because they feel duty bound.

All the best for the next hours @Borntobeamum you are doing all the right things.

You're doing the right thing. The peace and your presence and reassurance must be such a comfort in these moments.

Thoughts with you and your family. xx

Can I also add - I flew to USA on Sunday for 2 week. Dad had his stroke as we were in the air.
we managed to get direct flights back on Tuesday and I went straight to the hospital with my luggage. Ive not been home yet. I get clean clothes out each day and last night I have the luxury of a shower on the ward. It was absolutely amazing.
I’ve had about 4 hours sleep since Tuesday morning so I’m running on Adrenalin.
However dad has been peaceful and free from pain. My mum has been to visit him and now understands she’s losing her husband of 65 years.
I fear I will absolutely crash big time when ‘it’ happens…. 💔

Oh sweetheart. Hang on in there. I'm so glad you could get back to be with him.

It's very good that he's receiving palliative care now, definitely the right thing if he was already in kidney failure and so on, I wish you strength, don't be afraid to leave the room, sometimes people go in their own time when family are not around, and hang on if they are there, so just look after yourself, eat, sleep a bit and hug your mum. Hugs to you all.

I'm doing another night shift, will be thinking of you and keep us posted. Try and get some sleep, I know it is hard.