Waiting for the inevitable

[Borntobeamum]

My DF89 was admitted to hospital with a stroke. He also has pneumonia, heart failure and his kidneys are failing too.

Hes sleeping most of the day and night but very restless too. He has an old fracture of his hip that nobody knew about but that explains why he’s been unable to walk for months.

I’ve been at his bedside 48 hours and fortunately we can have visitors 24/7 and the staff are being amazing.

I’m just so sad that my wonderful kind loving and very respected dad is in some discomfort and I can’t do anything about it. They are trying to keep him comfortable with Medazolam.

Please hold my hand as this journey progresses x x

Good morning. Last night we were moved to a side room and I was given a camp bed. Dad was comfortable but this morning pulled the syringe driver out so it had to be re-sited.
I’ve chatted to him and I even got a wry smile from him!
Im physically and mentally worn out but I’m coping.
The staff are absolutely terrific.
Apparently they moved us to the wrong room so we will be moving again later today.
I appreciate you all being with me x x

Glad you got through the night. Good you have chatted to your dad, he will appreciate you being there so much. Hugs for the day ahead.

It's lovely that you are able to have this time with him, as wretched and distressing as it is, and that he knows you are there. That will mean so much. It sounds like he's having excellent care.

Still sending virtual hand-holds and thoughts. I know what it is like. And it is something you would never, ever wish for. But you are there and doing your very, very best. Sending strength and love. xx

I’m still here. We’ve had lots of visitors, one being a work acquaintance of my dads from over 50 years ago. My dad was an architect and hired this young electrician to do some work on a school. He did a very good job and soon became dads ‘go to’ Electician. This man built up a business that went from strength to strength and has always said my Dad was the one who had faith and gave him a chance and he will be forever In His debt.

It’s just dad and me now. We are going to look for some nice music to listen to.
If you can get chance can you do me a favour?
On you tube please listen to Cavatina by Iris Williams. Is it suitable to walk into church to? Music has been HUGE in my dads life. He was a musical director of a mixed voice choir for almost 50 years and he conducted many brass bands with choral voices together.
i do appreciate being able to share this time with Dad. It’s become very special to me.

x X x

What a lovely song, I hadn't heard it before. Very memorable and very suitable.

That's a really lovely song. I knew Cavatina as an instrumental piece but didn't know that someone had put lyrics to it. It's lovely and extremely appropriate.

My late dad was a churchwarden, and very musical (played the piano, organ and (gritting teeth with a smile) accordion and sang in several choirs). He would have been happy if this track had been one chosen for him. It's sweet and extremely touching without being mawkish.

That's lovely to hear about the electrician. He didn't have to visit and say that; what a nice thing to do, and to know that your dad has made such a lasting, positive difference to others. You must be so very proud of him.

Continuing to send you and your dad every good wish and hopes for a restful night. x

How lovely that even though this is a very sad time, you're sharing lovely memories and making the most of being together. It will bring you comfort on the times ahead.
I hope you both get a peaceful night. x

@Borntobeamum I hope you're getting on OK x

Hello everyone.
Dad is still hanging on. He is on A relaxant and pain relief only.
We’ve spent some lovely quality time this last few days talking and laughing at things in the past.
His breathing can be shallow and long intervals in between and then more regular.

We just have no idea when it’ll be and the staff cannot help either.
Ill update you when I can x x

At least he is comfortable and you are able to spend time with him. There is no real time scale of how long. Hope you manage to get some rest.

Great that you are with him and have spend some special moments together, this will have helped him so much. Also glad he's having good palliative care as that makes it easier to bear it all I've found. They go when they go, and it's not always to a timetable, I've found that out the last couple of family members I've lost, one did hold on for a very long time and you start wondering what's going on, but it isn't completely predictable, as the hospice or palliative care staff will tell you.

Continuing to think of you and virtual hand hold.

It's lovely that you've been able to spend time talking with your dear dad. As someone up thread has already said, it will bring you comfort in times to come.

Wishing you both a peaceful night.

My Mum was like this, and I too had some lovely moments with her. I'm thinking of you xxx

Glad to hear that your dad is able to enjoy this time with you; what a comfort to him you must be. Every good wish to you, and still sending virtual hand-holds and strength. xx

Thinking of you.

I’m going through the same process with my dad too. He was a perfectly fit, healthy 81 year old in June, but had a small heart attack and fell in his bathroom and wasn’t found for over 15 hours. He got sepsis, then MRSA, but they discharged him twice to an intermediate care centre, despite my protestations that I thought he wasn’t better, so we ended up with two more ambulance rides to A&E, with him there on a trolley for 15 & 48 hours. Each time getting more worn down. He then caught Covid and c-diff on top of the sepsis. During this last, 6 week, stay in hospital they’ve tried v hard for him, but his body is too tired. He’s gone onto end of life treatment now too. I wish they’d tried harder at the start, I think he’d have made it. I’m just so tired and sad.

sorry for jumping on your thread. It just seems so similar and I didn’t want to start another the same.

It’s with deep sadness that I must inform you that my wonderful Dad passed away today.
I was with him, as I have been for 9 days at the hospital. Although expected, the end came suddenly, but very peacefully.
I just can’t believe he’s gone…….💔

I’m so sorry.

I'm so sorry 💐

It won't seem real for some time unfortunately. It will only be after his funeral, in whatever form that is, that it will be much more real for you, once the dust has settled.
It's not an easy time and I'm very sorry for you that you have lost your dad.
Be kind to yourself. It's a huge thing.

I'm so sorry as well OP, 9 days was quite a feat for you, how wonderful for him that you were there during that time. So sad though when it actually happens, somehow you don't think it will. Hugs to you.

💐💐💐

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry I am late in replying. I am glad that you had those precious final times with your dad. Though I know they are never enough - we always want just one minute, look or hug more.

Very best wishes to you, and sincere condolences again. It's utterly awful and no words are ever really enough. But sending you best wishes anyway. xx

@Borntobeamum my thoughts are with you x

All the best over these next few weeks as you try to adjust. x