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Elderly parents
Original poster

Holding vigil…. I think it’s tonight

57 replies

Trumpton · 13/08/2022 23:45

Mil has been living with us for 8 months and has been a total joy but she is at the end now.
DH is exhausted and I am sitting with her, reassuring her, and telling her that mummy and daddy have gone on ahead.
She is 99 and so so tired but attended, and was the belle of the ball, at a family wedding 2 months ago.
Our hearts are aching but she blew me a kiss 5 mins ago.
Go gently into that good night darling xxx
I know it’s soon and I thought we were ready and Alzheimer’s has robbed her of so much.

OP posts:
justabigdisco · 14/08/2022 17:53

I work in a hospice and yet it still gets me every time when older people cry out for their mums and dads

NellyNothing · 14/08/2022 17:55

It sounds like you are a lovely supportive family. It makes things a teeny bit easier when your loved one can tell you what they want.

When my Dad died he wanted to be left alone. In the movies the rooms are always full of family but that wasn't what he wanted. It was comforting to all of us that we respected his wishes.

Leggingslife · 14/08/2022 20:07

How are you doing OP?

onepieceoflollipop · 14/08/2022 20:12

Your love for your mil and the whole family absolutely glows and shines through your posts.

I wish your mil a peaceful passing and comfort to you, your dh and the wider family. What a blessing you are to each other.

bloodywhitecat · 14/08/2022 20:29

It's so so hard, wishing her God's speed and wishing you all peace

Original poster
Trumpton · 15/08/2022 00:06

Noisy night here! She is being very vocal but has no words. But doesn’t seem to be in pain.
The District Nurse said to contact GP in morning to ask Hospice to help.
I feel so very sorry for her and helpless. This isn’t kind.

OP posts:
Mummapenguin20 · 15/08/2022 00:14

❤️

spiderlight · 15/08/2022 00:21

Holding your hand from afar. I was with my dad when he passed away and I'm so glad I had that time when him. You sound like a wonderful family, wrapping her tightly in your love.

DumpedByText · 15/08/2022 00:50

We are going through this to, my nan is 102 and just laying in bed asleep all day. She's said she's had a long good life and 'it's time to close the curtains'. She's so ready to go but clinging on, I've whispered in her ear that's it's OK for her to go and she said I know. Sending strength and hugs to you all.

Original poster
Trumpton · 15/08/2022 19:30

3rd night coming up but the Hospice nurses came today and she has had some morphine. We now have 24 hour access to them.
I looked after my dad to the end 15 years ago this is remarkably similar.
Brilliant idea from the nurse that I cut open her nighties to within 2 inches of neckline at the back so they can be slid on and off easily and she is not lying on fabric.
We are so lucky to live where we do rather than somewhere that we would not have access to this service.
Thank you for all the support.
I had breast cancer 3 years ago and Mumsnet was wonderful then as well.
You are all wonderful vipers.

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 15/08/2022 21:07

So glad you've got help from the Hospice Outreach Team. We found them invaluable with my DF.

Original poster
Trumpton · 16/08/2022 06:09

She died at 12.45 this morning. I was dozing next to her and she had slipped away. As gracious in death as in life. I woke DH and we opened the window, lit a candle and sat with her.
Hospice at Home came out and washed and dressed her.
We managed a few hours sleep and will ring her lovely doctor and the undertaker.
Now to tell the grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

This is from her favourite poem

”And things can never go badly wrong
If the heart be true and the love be strong.
For the mist, if it comes, or the weeping rain
Will be changed by the love into sunshine again.”

OP posts:
2018SoFarSoGreat · 16/08/2022 06:20

@Trumpton that's a beautiful end, an enviable end. I'm glad the pain is over for her, but i am sorry for yours that will continue. 🌹

She sounds like an amazing woman. With am amazing daughter in law. May we all be so fortunate.

JaneJeffer · 16/08/2022 06:27

Sorry for your loss Flowers

OldTinHat · 16/08/2022 07:10

This is the most heartbreaking yet heartwarming post I've ever read.

Much love to you all at this difficult time.

rainbowstardrops · 16/08/2022 07:15

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers
She sounds as if she was a wonderful woman and she was so lucky to have such a caring daughter in law.
Sending love to you all

dribblewibble · 16/08/2022 07:24

I am so sorry for your loss.

I'm glad it was peaceful for her and you.

Thinking of you all.

NellyNothing · 16/08/2022 07:48

So sorry for your loss. 💐💐💐

figmaofmyimagination · 16/08/2022 07:57

What a beautiful end to her life, not everyone gets that by any means. Well done you both for facilitating that for her.

💐

spiderlight · 16/08/2022 11:41

I am so very sorry for your loss but glad that she was able to slip away so peacefully. The poem is beautiful. Flowers

Carrieonmywaywardsun · 16/08/2022 11:46

So sorry for your loss OP, but glad you were with her and she was peaceful. Will be thinking of you in the days ahead x

Peridot1 · 16/08/2022 11:50

I’m so sorry for the loss of your lovely MIL.

RobertsRadio · 16/08/2022 11:56

What a wonderful way to exit this life, at home and surrounded by a loving family. How lovely of you and your DH to have made this possible. Your sadness at her passing will be made easier to bear knowing that you made possible this painless, dignified and loving passing.

My condolences, Op Flowers

ScarlettnotOHara · 16/08/2022 11:59

I took comfort in this picture when my dad died!! Her time is near xx

Holding vigil…. I think it’s tonight
GingerPigz · 16/08/2022 12:04

@Trumpton ... so sorry for your loss. You are clearly an absolutely lovely person and you gave your MIL the most wonderful of final days. I will remember and reflect on this post if I am ever in similar circumstances. Thank you 🙏🏼❤️