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Elderly parents
Original poster

Holding vigil…. I think it’s tonight

57 replies

Trumpton · 13/08/2022 23:45

Mil has been living with us for 8 months and has been a total joy but she is at the end now.
DH is exhausted and I am sitting with her, reassuring her, and telling her that mummy and daddy have gone on ahead.
She is 99 and so so tired but attended, and was the belle of the ball, at a family wedding 2 months ago.
Our hearts are aching but she blew me a kiss 5 mins ago.
Go gently into that good night darling xxx
I know it’s soon and I thought we were ready and Alzheimer’s has robbed her of so much.

OP posts:
GucciBear · 13/08/2022 23:48

What a poignant message. You and the dear lady are in my prayers and thoughts. Big hand hold. Would send a kiss but do not think that is allowed on here!

Cocolapew · 13/08/2022 23:49

I hope her passing is peaceful 💐

EllenWaiteourkid · 13/08/2022 23:51

God speed.

Sending love to those left behind, no matter how ready you think you are, it hits you like a car crash.

WeeHaggisFace · 13/08/2022 23:54

I'm sorry, I'm in a similar boat but with a less close family member. I am due to visit again tomorrow but a bit scared because my last visit was great. He was very lucid, knew who we all were etc. Its not easy.

VioletToes · 13/08/2022 23:54

She's lucky to have a loving family with her. I hope her passing is peaceful and quick 💐

EmmaH2022 · 13/08/2022 23:56

Oh the vigil...

my poor father had to endure my whispered singing..

are we out of the woods yet? Are we in the clear yet?

and then he was. In the clear yet...good.

she sounds like a marvellous lady and you sound like a marvellous DIL. Flowers

TrueNorthernBird · 13/08/2022 23:57

I know this is coming for me and I hope I can express myself as eloquently.

Your love for her is palpable and she will feel it too. What a wonderful woman she must be. Her blowing you a kiss will remain with me. How unutterably beautiful. She loves you.

Wishing her the most peaceful of passing. And to you, a grieving that's as happy as it will be sad.

I don't have faith but may the world and its Infinite love protect you both.

Original poster
Trumpton · 14/08/2022 00:03

At one point today she had two granddaughters and three great grandchildren in her room.
She said a while ago that after only having one child she never thought she would have a big family “And now look!”
Don’t worry it’s not all been perfect and plain sailing but we said we would keep her at home as long as possible and it has worked for us.
She is, and has been, a force of nature !
Thank you for your thoughts.

OP posts:
OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 14/08/2022 00:04

Prayers for a peaceful and painless passing.

And a handhold to you and your DP to help you through this difficult time.

Flowers
NewIdeasToday · 14/08/2022 00:04

Hope she is peaceful at the moment. Thinking of you and your family.

Original poster
Trumpton · 14/08/2022 10:25

I managed to doze on and off and she is still holding on. DH just went in and she opened her eyes and said “ Not you again! Go away” luckily he found it funny.
I think she needs some time alone.

OP posts:
Candleabra · 14/08/2022 10:29

Thoughts are with all your family. You all sound lovely

tinplantpot · 14/08/2022 10:30

My thoughts are with you all

Yesthatismychildsigh · 14/08/2022 10:50

This gave me a tear. Sending all of you all my best wishes.

EmmaH2022 · 14/08/2022 10:57

Trumpton · 14/08/2022 10:25

I managed to doze on and off and she is still holding on. DH just went in and she opened her eyes and said “ Not you again! Go away” luckily he found it funny.
I think she needs some time alone.

Yes, she might need you, anyone, to leave the room.

my dad couldn't talk, but at one point during death rattle, which he had for ages, he made a little "waving someone away" motion, like a flick of the wrist.

mum was terribly upset but I removed us both from the room. There was a hospice nurse there at the moment of death but I think a lot of people are okay with that, but not okay with a loved one.

Original poster
Trumpton · 14/08/2022 11:35

We are giving her time alone but then she gets distressed and cries for her daddy. ( she was 11 when he died)
The great grandchildren have been in and out this morning just for a minute. I explained that once she was a baby and then a little girl then a mummy and then she got old and now she is circling around to her baby state again. The love they have between them is wonderful.
“Ah” said the 10 year old “It’s the circle of life”
It’s the anniversary of my mums death in 4 days I bet she will hold on til then !

OP posts:
Eeiliethya · 14/08/2022 12:37

Ah what a beautiful but sad post OP.

I spent the last 4 hours with my grandad, he was 68 and had a short term illness and went downhill very quickly.

His last hours went too fast. He was wide awake until the last 10 mins. The funny bugger even pretended to have died very shortly before he actually did. We all managed to laugh and looking back I understand he was comforting us as much as we were comforting him.

It was an absolute privilege to spend that time and help him on his way. The people I've lost until that point had all gone very suddenly and I'd always maintained it was the way I would prefer to go.

But spending that time with my grandad changed my mind completely. I couldn't think of a more beautiful way to spend my last hours than sat laughing and talking with family and those I love. Even when his sight started to go he could still hear us and the last thing he heard was us all telling him how much we love him. Now I don't look back on those hours with sadness, I look back and feel comfort that hopefully one day my own passing will be as warm and enveloped in love.

That is the gift you and your lovely family are now giving your MIL and I hope too that one day you will feel the same comfort.

I hope the next few days are peaceful and gentle for you all, especially your MIL Flowers

FluffyFluffyClouds · 14/08/2022 12:43

Thinking of you and your MiL and DH, OP.

Lifeisbeautiful01 · 14/08/2022 12:50

My Dad was in isolation in ICU for 8 weeks. At the end I put my phone on the pillow, snuggled into him and played all his favourites. Lying there singing Glenn Campbell whilst he held my hand in the early hours was such a blessing. He couldn’t speak but I could tell him what he meant to me. What a privilege it is to have those moments and your dear MIL must feel so loved. Thinking of you.

Gaveitall · 14/08/2022 12:55

You all are so brave.
I have tears in my eyes for you.
Thank you for sharing with us.
It’s so poignant.
I hope she has a peaceful slip away from this earthly plane.

PritiPatelsMaker · 14/08/2022 15:06

What a wonderful thing you are both doing for her. To have loved ones around you and die is your place of choosing is such a privilege.

BEAM123 · 14/08/2022 15:13

This is so moving, it is such a privilege to be able to be there for someone when they pass over. You sound like such a lovely family and how beautiful that she can die at an old age, peacefully in her bed with her family around her, reassuring her and being sensitive to her needs.

Sending warmth to you all

2018SoFarSoGreat · 14/08/2022 15:17

God speed and how beautiful it is that she is so loved,right to the last. What a lucky woman.

This time is a most precious gift for her and for you. I feel so privileged to have been with my grandad and my dad at the end, and sad as if is, it feels so important and right to let our lives ones go, to send them on their way buoyed by our love.

Will sit with you, OP, and send comforting thoughts to you today.

Original poster
Trumpton · 14/08/2022 16:15

These posts are bringing such comfort to me. I will show DH another time. The District Nurse returned our phone call today and he couldn’t manage to speak to her.
But we now have bed pads and better pull ups and lollipop sticks for water.

OP posts:
PritiPatelsMaker · 14/08/2022 17:46

So glad that you've got some things to make her last hours more comfortable Flowers