My mum is 83 as is my stepdad. My SD has a blood disorder that requires regular transfusions. He has gone to the hospital for one of these today. Therefore I have come over to ensure mum is safe. (Frequent falls, Macular degeneration, memory loss - the last issue NOT discussed as hyper sensitive about it) ..
Anyway .. over the last couple of years the state of the house has deteriorated. Not drastic but not good. Probably more noticeable because it's always been almost like a show home (far, far cleaner than any house I have ever been in charge of !) ..
So today, I arrive and mum asks if I want coffee. I say yes please but say I'll make it as standing up and making coffee is not easy for her.. but also because I want to clean the sink and cups before I drink anything.
There is a pile of food waste in the sink. The splash backs are covered in food residue. The cafetière is grubby... you get the picture. ..
Mum spots this attempt at surreptitious cleaning and asks what I'm doing. I tell her that I'm just giving it a quick clean ... we'll all hell breaks out. .. it's not dirty. It was just from yesterday. There is no issue anywhere. There is an issue but only in the last day or two as she has been busy... Unfortunately I bite. I feel my siblings and I have pussyfooted around this for over two years and someone needs to be brave and say something.
I guess that I am in for a penny in for a pound and tell her that a cleaner is needed. She shoots the messenger. I get my brother on the phone to support me. He tells her that a cleaner is needed. She puts the phone down.
I have tried to explain that it isn't a criticism. That she has always been a great home maker. That it is just that her physical limitations now make a cleaner necessary. .. You would think I had just suggested I drop her off at the care home this afternoon...
Now sat in another room crying. Refusing to speak to me.
I love my mum. I want her life to be easier. I have even suggested that I come and clean for her if she doesn't want a stranger in the house.. that was the suggestion that caused screams of anger that bought the neighbour running. (I'm not at all house proud so perhaps it was my shit cleaning that caused that reaction 😏) although I'm pretty sure it is just the thought of anyone else cleaning .
She gets really cross with my step dad when he tries to clean as they have always had very traditional roles - he does the garden, which is gorgeous - and the DIY. She still cleans but literally cannot stand up for more than 5 mins. Cannot reach down or up.. cannot see well.
Any idea how on Earth to deal with this. She sees a cleaner as a weakness and the path to death.. arghh. I don't want her upset . Which she is now.