Moving to Assisted Living/ Retirement Village Flat

[Cameleongirl]

My elderly Dad and Step-Mum have multiple health problems and my Dad is becoming interested in moving to a retirement flat. Has anyone done this with their parents and what were the first steps? Where can we go for advice, or should we just start checking out local places?

If your parents decided to do this, how's it worked out for them? I don't think my step-Mum is as keen, but Dad wants to start looking into it so at least they know their options. They could stay in their bungalow if they don't find what they want.

Hi, are they looking to buy or rent, and will they need any care/assistance provisions when there or are they largely independent?

If they are fully self-funding and don't have significant care needs then you can simply call up local places and ask when their availability is. Different places run differently, some are housing association owned and operated so you may need to apply to be on a housing waiting list for these, others are private and providing there's availability and you can afford to buy in then that's it. The one my mum is in is a mixture, she owns her own flat but there are also some let on a social housing basis. My mum's is also what they call an 'extra care' facility, which means adult social services assessed her needs to ensure it was an appropriate facility for her and the on-site carers visit 4 times a day, this is part-funded by SS on a means tested basis. She has quite high needs though and was already receiving some care at her previous home, the majority of residents in her complex don't have this level of care or have things like a cleaner, and some take their meals in the on-site restaurant etc, this can all be arranged via the management and included in their monthly bills to make it straight forward financially to manage. If you are unsure if your parents would be eligible for any assistance it would be worth a call to your local authority adults team to get an assessment started...

Do make sure you ask about how resale provisions work after they no longer live there if they are looking to buy, these can be very restrictive. Also check the service charge and by how much this can increase, some of the more 'luxury' villages have absolutely sky high charges - to be fair this is to be expected if there are extensive gardens, gym, swimming pool etc but your parents need to know they can afford for the foreseeable future and don't want any nasty surprises!

I should have said, my Mum absolutely loves hers, it's honestly given her a new lease of life. At her previous house she was really isolated and lonely as she struggled to get out and about independently whereas now all she has to do is go down the corridor from her flat to the communal lounge which is always a hive of activity (bingo/card games/pub outings/music events/film club/book club/sport on the big TV being just a few), plus there's a restaurant and cafe for meals and coffees where she can sit and chat with friends and her diet has improved as she can grab a meal in there whenever she fancies (all cooked on site) whereas before she was reliant on what and when carers would show up to feed her which led to a lot of 5pm dinners and ready meals etc. She was skeptical too at first saying she thought it would be 'like a care home' and 'full of old people' but it's been great, she's made a lot of friends. It's a modern development and really nicely done so it feels more like an upmarket hotel than an institution and the management do a good job of being around to help and support without it being intrusive. There's a nice range of people and 'abilities' for want of a better word in there, there's some relatively young people in their 60s who still drive and are very active as well as more disabled or frail types and the younger ones are often very kind and helpful with involving the older ones and giving lifts to church/shops/pub etc! It's good for me too as I can relax a bit knowing there's someone around 24/7 so if anything was to happen help is available...

Thank you SO much for all this information, @maxelly, it's really helpful. I'd say they're at that in-between stage right now where they don't need a huge amount of support, but they worry excessively about their house and garden, despite having a cleaner and gardener. A recent problem with the heating put them into a tailspin, even though we soon got things sorted out. My Dad would feel more comfortable in a small place with support services available if they need them. They're in their 80's so their needs could suddenly change, IYSWIM.

Re. Buying vs. Renting. Happily, they're able to self-fund but I think my Dad likes the idea of renting so that he can move more easily if he doesn't like it! He's not interested in owning a house at this stage in his life, he wants things to be as easy as possible- and who can blame him.

It's such a difficult conversation to have, isn't it? It doesn't help that my SM isn't keen, but her health is worse than my Dad's and I think he wants to make a move before things deteriorate further.

My mum moved to a retirement flat near to us when DF died. Her service charge etc are not too bad. She is in a one bedroom flat which is quite snug, so really have to declutter. She loves it.

Hers has a warden but only office hours, and emergency cover the rest of the time. A number of people do have carers come in, but there are some people who really should have made a move to somewhere with caring services on site. So if they do move somewhere check what services are available.

There are quite a few activities available and so she has made a number of friends (didn't know anyone in the area apart from us). She is reasonably independent. All flats have a patio or balcony so can have a small container garden and the residents also have a gardening committee who potter about the grounds sorting out borders etc. So if want to still do some gardening that is possible, or they can sit and watch others do it! They are usually located near shops and other amenities.

I’d say ring up a local place and ask to look round - my mother did this recently and was so totally won over she went from “maybe I will move in 3 or 4 years” to going straight on to the waiting list. She is now keen as mustard to move in but there are no spaces so it’s a waiting game.

I took mum to see a retirement bungalow that was for sale locally just so she could get a feel for what it would be like. Was really useful and successful as an approach.

Thanks all. Does anyone have any thoughts on buying vs. renting? Is it better to rent so they can move fairly easily if their needs change? As they’re in their 80’s, that could happen within a few years.

Bear in mind the service charges are excessive, get a normal flat, buy in services, murder to sell too

That why I’m wondering whether renting would be better, @nsky. They already have a cleaner, a gardener and Meals On Wheels, but my Dad really wants built-in service at this point. I think what @maxelly’s Mum has would be ideal. Money isn’t the issue, it’s making things as easy as possible.

All the flats in DM’s complex have sold quickly in the last year. Not sure whether lockdown had an impact as residents had social contact even in lockdown or whether people were moving closer to relatives.

If you are moving to a new area they do give you an instant social group of a similar demographic, which you might not get if you move into an ordinary flat

I have a work colleague whose partner's parents bought a McStone retirement flat. They both died, he is executor. The "estate" is required to pay service charges until the flat is sold. The problem is that nobody want to buy 2nd hand. And apparently the flat cannot be rented out. The partner is being taken to court to pay the service charges. There are very few estate agents who will take on this type of property. I couldn't after what I have heard recommend at all that anyone buy one of these properties. The contract terms seem onerous.

I also know through my own parents network that often "promised" amenities are considered to be too expensive to include long after contract purchase and the building of a development. eg lifts. (Most elderly people will need to use a lift if multi-story!) or on call support.

It is really worth looking at the structure of what is being offered.

Hmm, that’s a cautionary tale, @spongedog. We’re in a pickle, tbh. Dad is finding a bungalow with people coming in too much, but he/they really don’t want to go into a home-and they’re not ready for that level of care yet anyway.

Re rental Vs buying, buying was def the right choice for us as mum was sure it was going to be her long term home and she was relatively young when she moved in albeit in poor health so the possibility of renting for 10 years + seemed financially less sensible than buying and having the asset available, but like I say you do need to do your homework thoroughly on the terms of the lease, service charges and how resale works if going down that route. Rental does give more flexibility although do think about whether they def have enough capital to fund rent and bills for the rest of their lives or if not whether their pensions +/- any benefits would cover it. My mum's scheme is pretty popular and no-one seems to have any issue selling when they move on and there is a longer waiting list for the rented/social housing flats than the owned ones but obviously this will vary place to place so you'll need to find out if that's the case at the places local to you, also what controls there are on rent increases, I think for the HA owned ones it's similar to social housing and highly controlled but private facilities may reserve the right to jack up the rent significantly each year so watch out for that.

Re future planning, I would highly recommend looking at a place that has 'extra care' available as a 'step up' or that has evidence of successfully supporting residents that have higher care needs (likely to be the more expensive but possibly less swanky places that fund a high level of management presence over and above things like swimming pools), some also have a linked care/residential home on-site although TBH if one or other of them ends needs up needing residential care I'd want the flexibility of choosing the right home for them at that time rather than feeling tied to the on-site one. That being said many many people do manage well in their own flats with care coming in especially in a suitable sheltered housing set up and with the support a retirement community offers, and don't end up needing residential care at all (I know in MN land it's virtually inevitable but actually I think it's about 15% of over 80s live in a care home) so IMO it's more important to make a plan to keep them happy and healthy at home than to worry too much about planning for care home eventualities...

Mum moved to a light touch supported living flat - there was a warden on site in the mornings and a handyman available who would do as much gardening as you wanted, but no other support. Ground floor 2 bed flat. It was the most spacious of any we looked at, most were frankly miniature and poorly built. One had a longer walk indoors from the front door to the flat door than my mum had from her door to the local supermarket, and was north facing and horrible to boot. This particular development is very posh and sells easily for high prices. Not all do.

The bad side is the service charge of 5k a year, which is a lot on my mum's income, and mostly that my mum hated it from day 1. I think if your parents are in their 80s don't get too invested in this move because they may well never find the 'perfect place' and tbh they're right, as it doesn't exist. Don't force the move if they're not fully ready to go. If your Dad gets in a tizzy about a heating issue he will find a move unbearably stressful. Could they pay more for some kind of appliance service or house maintenance contract?? No real idea if this exists!

I wonder what it is about 'people coming in' that your dad dislikes. If they end up needing support there will be 'people coming in' anywhere. My mum hated having the warden on site because she felt like she was being watched - which tbh she kind of was... my mum also hated that people in the development would say hello to her... but she is the most antisocial private person in the world.

We found for MIL that there were limited options for rentals and that this is mostly due to restrictions on leases preventing owners from renting rather than an actual shortage of vacant properties. We considered buying but were very wary after reading/hearing nightmare stories.

www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/news/article-10182583/The-retirement-home-scandal-wiping-life-savings.html

Some retirement homes have service charges as high as £800 pm and that has left the owners with little chance of selling as the service charges put people off.

Look carefully and you can find some better value resales on the retirement market with better lease terms. But you then may have to be willing to refit kitchen bathrooms etc. It does also depend on location.

Many retirement homes are very overpriced and simply don't retain their value as there is always so much competition from yet more new build retirement homes being built by developers taking advantage of cash rich older people happily downsizing. Remember that even after death the service charges will still be due so if it takes a long time to sell (very likely) the service charge must still be paid.

Its such a a shame because there are great benefits for elderly people having the security and company living in retirement homes. I would say do lots of research, try and find a nice resale property or well priced rental. Use rightmove and see what is resale values are like and also if you visit, talk to the residents. We found that people were lovely and friendly and often in the communal areas there would be somebody happy to talk about what was good/bad about living there.

Definitely go and have a look at a few. They are better to move before they 'need' to whilst they can adapt to a new way of life.

Having read Richard Osmans "The Thursday Murder Club", I can wait to move into one myself!!

Renting is working ok for us so far but we found a lot of the rentals were the older properties quite dated or extremely overpriced newer properties which cost as much as a london penthouse! They are also often very small with little or no storage. If your parents have lots of possessions it can be hard to get rid of things. Rightmove is your friend here as you can search by retirement home on the filters. Look at prices for sold properties as well to get some idea of what's happening in their area to prices.

needing residential care at all (I know in MN land it's virtually inevitable but actually I think it's about 15% of over 80s live in a care home) The two aren’t incompatible. If everyone spent 1 in 6 of their over-80 years in care, then at any point in time 15% of them would be in care.

I’ve read elsewhere that 1 in 3 need care some time in their lifetime, and of course some people spend a good deal more than 1/6 of their over 80 years in care.

DH grandma lived in one for 4.5 years and it was great for her, she was a council tenant though so rented. A relative of a friend of mine also lived in one, hers was purchased though. She passed away 12 months ago though and they are having real trouble selling it though despite it being in a good area. I would rent rather than purchase unless you know you will have no problems selling on.

Just a quick one re the service charges if you buy the property - check what the situation is if the flat is vacant. I've had a few friends now whose own parents have passed away and we're unable to sell the retirement properties very quickly. They still had to pay the full service charge each month out of the estate until the property sold, and there was barely any inheritance left in the end. It was heartbreaking for one of my friends, as she knew her DM would never have signed up for that had she known that was a risk.

My parents in their 80s live in a rented 2 bed extra care apartment owned by this company. www.housing21.org.uk

They have been there almost 4 years. They moved there as my dad was in declining health and wanted to have more support around. There are lovely managers during regular office hours plus carers in the building 24/7 for planned care appointments and they go to any flat if the emergency cord is pulled.

On-site there is a restaurant, hairdresser, church, residents lounges, plus small garden with benches outside. They younger fitter residents and the mgrs organise social activities - coffee mornings, bingo, afternoon teas, singers with a buffet or hot supper. The vicar of the church organises occasional minibus trips to tourist spots within about 20 miles of the development. I thank my lucky stars every day they live there.

I worried when mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's that they would say she might need to move but they told us it was a home for life. When she started to wander a bit, they put a sensor on the door which alerts the carers if it is opened in the middle of the night so they can go and find her. The one thing I know does mean they say you may need to move to a residential home is if you are at risk of falling.

It's not in an expensive part of the country so maybe some cost more but my parents fully self fund and it's about £170 a week rent plus council tax and electricity. Hot water and heating are included in the rent. Previously they owned a house - the building is about 10 years old and well maintained so dad likes not having a constant list of jobs to do.

So pleased to find this thread!

My Aunt is in her late 80's, very independent and still driving. But looking ahead, we both feel that it would be sensible for her to live in a home on one level. Also, when she stops driving, she will need to be near some shops or at least on a bus route.

I have a feeling that we'll look, and then she'll decide to stay where she is. Her neighbours are great and would help in an emergency, but are not the 'pop in to check her out every day' type - and why should they be!

So my plan is to look at the options of flats and retirement complexes, let her see some options and take it from there.

Thank you for the advice on slow re-sale/service charge - that's obviously something to be aware of.

@Choux That sounds ideal, I'm so glad your parents have found such a nice place to live. The restaurant would be a bonus for my Dad, they have Meals on Wheel and can still cook themselves, but he doesn't enjoy it!

@PermanentTemporary I don't think it's really that Dad doesn't like people coming in, it's the house and garden itself that worries him. He doesn't want to take responsibility for anything anymore, despite having a cleaner and gardener. He wants to be looked after! My SM's health is worse than his now so she really can't share the mental load, IYSWIM.

I don't fully understand why he feels this way, but he's elderly and unwell, so I just want him to be happy.