My mum has pancreatic cancer

[ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp]

She's 89. Very frail. Sudden decline in strength and appetite. She can't even lift her tablets to her mouth or turn over in bed.

I've yet to speak to the consultant but what usually happens? Is she too weak for treatment at this age?

I just feel a bit desperate and sad. I mean she's old but this is still a shock.

I’m so sorry you’ve had this awful news , pancreatic cancer is dreadful and the time between diagnosis and passing is sadly pretty short . Spend as much time with her as you can , sending you love and strength xxx

If your mum wants to be at home, ask her doctor about fast track CHC funding and gold standard framework district nursing. An occupational therapy assessment as well, to check she has any equipment she might need. Also most areas have a hospice at home service, that will provide sitters day and night whenever you and your mum need them.

There's so much for you to take in at the moment, and it sounds like the doctors have all the above in hand. But don't be afraid to ask, knowing that she has everything she might need in place does take a weight off your mind.

I'm so impressed - and astonished - at the leave of care she's receiving. Carers 3 x per day and a nurse comes once per day.

I'm told this will continue until she dies.

She's refusing to eat again now she's at home.

She was eating at the hospital because she says she "had to" and now she's home, she won't even though we are offering the same food as the hospital that she seemed to like.

I worry her decline will be faster now she's out of hospital.

Is it true the older you are the slower the cancer grows?

So sorry, I lost my mum to cancer 2 weeks ago, she was 57. It is a terrible shock.

I'm so sorry pancreatic cancer is just awful. Take care.

How can I get her to eat?

Sorry to say this but just to give you an idea of how quickly it can happen. My brother had advanced pancreatic cancer which had spread to his liver and he died 2.5 weeks after diagnosis. He was just 46.

I would prepare for the worst I’m sorry to say. 😔

I'm so sorry to read this, my MIL has sadly just died of cancer. She wasn't really eating much, just bits of things of easy things like, ice cream & strawberries etc.
Try not to worry too much about what your Mum is eating, just offer little bits of anything she fancies, she may well not really want anything.

I'm so sorry your going through this. I too lost my Mum to pancreatic cancer she was 85. Had no idea she was ill was told weeks to 3 months and she died 3 weeks after diagnosis. It's hard to see how quickly she went downhill and 2 years later I still find it hard to process.

For her I'm glad it was quick and she was in no pain and just went to sleep one night and never woke up.

She didn't want to eat near the end, I found she'd eat ice cream or replacement shakes drinks like Optifast or even Nesquik powder. But don't force her to eat but try to get her to drink.

Just be there for her and try not to show your upset, talk about memories etc because I'm afraid it won't be long. You do go into autopilot and can't believe it's happening but you will get through this.

My mum was in a hospital bed downstairs and had carers 3 x a day and daily nurse visits. So good you are getting the same level off care.

All cancer are horrible but this is the worst as it's often too late when found.

My condolences for you and your mum x

@Dontsayyouloveme

Sorry to say this but just to give you an idea of how quickly it can happen. My brother had advanced pancreatic cancer which had spread to his liver and he died 2.5 weeks after diagnosis. He was just 46.

I would prepare for the worst I’m sorry to say. 😔

So sorry for your loss and only 46 it seems so unfair. I had never heard off pancreatic cancer until my Mum got it and I do think awareness is getting out there.

I hope one day they can do a test that catches it earlier but it's mostly detected too late until it spreads to other organs. You may get lucky! if it gets in your bile duct so you get jaundice and it may have been caught in time and treatment can be offered but then there seems no cure but only to give a couple off extra years. But all cancers are evil but this is the worst due to no signs.

Pancreatic cancer is devasting and you both must be in shock at the diagnosis/prognosis and she has probably got little appetite.Try to ensure she keeps up her fluids and maybe try small bottles of "Ensure" or small amounts of tasty food that she likes.
Do say what you need to say to one another as unfortunately patients with metastatic pancreatic cancer can go downhill very quickly

@Dontsayyouloveme

Sorry to say this but just to give you an idea of how quickly it can happen. My brother had advanced pancreatic cancer which had spread to his liver and he died 2.5 weeks after diagnosis. He was just 46.

I would prepare for the worst I’m sorry to say. 😔

This is similar to my friend, he too was mid 40s and had 3 months from diagnosis to passing. It's really such a devastating cancer.

OP, I'm very sorry.

Although there is always hope I'm sorry to say that pancreatic cancer is usually far advanced before it is detected and therefore often there isn't much time left. In my MIL's case it was 3 months.

As others have said, speak to the consultant and get a clear plan.

Hi OP

I just wanted to say how sorry I was.

My mum has been diagnosed this past week too - she's 75 and they want to remove her whole pancreas to stop it spreading, but she's v frail with other health conditions and we are waiting to see if she's fit enough to have the op because it's major surgery.

So I'm out here virtually holding your hand.

I don't have any experience of pancreatic cancer but I feel for you trying to encourage your DM to eat. I tried everything to get my dad to eat in the last few months. He had no appetite, no desire for anything. Eating would not have helped him in the long term, it was for my benefit, not his. I had to accept that he wouldn't eat food and just encouraged him to drink so that he was comfortable.

You are a wonderful daughter to be caring for her in this way and your love and support will do more for her than any food you could tempt her to eat.

So she’s telling the carers to piss off.

Told the nurses to go away. She doesn't want to be bothered or touched by them, she says.

The carers managed to give her some medication. Then left.

She promptly pooped everywhere. That was challenging to clean up and I’m not sure we have done a thorough job. Very tricky.

Carers coming back around 8.30. I’ll ask them to clean her again regardless of what abuse she comes out with to make sure she's properly cleaned.

She asks me what is growing here, and prods her right side. She asks me why I’ve come to see an effing corpse. Why should she eat, she says, what for?

A hospice might be a better option.

Oh goodness, that is so hard for you. Maybe for the sake of your relationship a hospice would be better. I know I could not have faced caring for my dad at home and am relieved that mum is in a home now with dementia so that will not be an issue when the time comes.

Are you caring for her on your own?

Oh shoulders I feel for you. Your mum is probably feeling everything right now, shock, anger, scared, and she'll be taking her feelings out on you. Does she live alone? If so, and she's really not getting on with the carers, a hospice might be a better option, for both of you.

I've been told she's not ill enough for a hospice. Ill as in debilitated. She's bedridden but not in great pain.