87 yo mil needs a stair lift or can’t come home

[MollysMummy2010]

We don’t have the money nor does she. What do we do?

You step back tell the hospital they have to sort it out with her...
This does not have to be your job to sort....
Make it very clear you can't help....and you will formally complain if they do an unsafe discharge....
If she is judged to have capacity then they have to talk to her...
If your lucky she may get intermediate care....which will give some breathing space and hopefully more physio for her to remobolise..
Was much better around when fil did same.....

Make it very clear you can't help....and you will formally complain if they do an unsafe discharge....
But she can't stay in hospital forever because she doesn't want to follow the advice given. But agree it's not your responsibility.

You can rent them or buy reconditioned ones. Ask the OT they can’t recommend but will point you in the right direction.

You are right she does have a choice, her options are:

1. Find the money for a stairlift. Ask the council, rent one etc.

1. Move her bed downstairs.

1. Go into a care home while she recovers.

That's it. This needs to be made clear to her.

If she is going to dig her heels in I would make this the hospitals issue, as it won't help your relationship in the future with her if you make a decision for her that she doesn't like.

You can't just go and move her furniture like PP have suggested. How would you feel if someone did that to you?

The OP hasn't mentioned any cognitive issues so providing she is able to make decisions it's got to be her choice- even if it's a terrible choice. If she chooses to be discharged in an unsafe environment that is not the hospital's choice.

Ah so it's not that she needs a stairlift or she can't come home, it's that she won't come home until she's got her way? If her bed can be moved downstairs then that's the answer here.

I'm also not sure if a stair lift is the answer with a broken hip and torn muscle in shoulder.

The hospital will solve this problem and likely not to her liking. They will move her on to intermediate care in a nursing home.

We rented one for my Nan. Wasn't to expensive.

If her husband was in the Royal Navy military charities like The British Legion support widows too. www.britishlegion.org.uk/get-support/care-and-independent-living#

If I were you I’d use this as an excuse to get her in a care home.
We are struggling with a MIL who refuses but needs a care home. SS have said that if she is admitted to hospital they will not allow her to go back to her home, but they won’t force her into a home yet.

@DeadButDelicious

You are right she does have a choice, her options are:

1. Find the money for a stairlift. Ask the council, rent one etc.

1. Move her bed downstairs.

1. Go into a care home while she recovers.

That's it. This needs to be made clear to her.

If she is going to dig her heels in I would make this the hospitals issue, as it won't help your relationship in the future with her if you make a decision for her that she doesn't like.

All this! Mum point blank refused to put a stairlift in - she had the space and the money. God alone knows what she was thinking. It would have been perfect (she had a huge bedroom and bathroom on the second floor and never needed to go to the 3rd anyway. It was a large house shop she could have even used a scooter inside.

But no. Not an easy woman. She was persuaded to move to a small (by her standards) flat in another town to be nearer family. She absolutely hated it and got really depressed. I still don’t know why she didn’t adapt the house and stay where she knew everyone and had a good support network around her.

I have to agree with others that although it sounds cruel you have to let the hospital know that as long as she is deemed capable she will be managing her affairs. Once they assume you are going to manage the problem they will let you. The hospital and social care will be desperate to pass the responsibility on to you; she is entitled to care and support and you are too far away to provide it. As above you have to state clearly that you cannot assist.

AFAIK hospital will not discharge until there is a care plan in place otherwise MIL will likely fall again and come straight back to hospital.

It’s very normal for older people to be difficult (just like younger people) and the hospital will expect to work with the family to find a solution. All this “leave it to the hospital” talk won’t get you very far IME.

Be very careful about the offer of a rehab place and if you can, do some research on anything they’re suggesting. My mother ended up in one and it was an horrific experience for her. Physio only twice a week and otherwise left to rot. Food trays dumped just out of reach and removed untouched. A total absence of nursing / medical care. The hospital who referred her were horrified to hear the reality of it.

I agree about rehab, my experience wasn't good either and they were appalling at seeking emergency help when very obviously needed it.

Do not sort it privately
Go through the OTs (the hospital will do this)
She may not be suitable to get on and off it safely anyway.
She could do downstairs living temporarily until stair lift is looked at.
She might not have to move her bed but hospital could temporarily provide a profiling bed. But honestly let the hospital lead on it.

Oh God @Atillathe Hun she has been offered six weeks in a convalesence home. The physio said she will be in for a few weeks and then 6 weeks in the home to give us time to make any adaptations needed. I will follow up all the suggestions that have been made here. Thanks all for your help.

@MollysMummy2010 hey molly’s - are you able to check in advance what physio will be provided while she’s there? Is she able to get out of bed by herself and if not, ask how many staff / patients there are on the ward. If she can’t get to the loo by herself then you need to check there are enough people to help her get there A it’s really hard if you can’t visit because of covid regs, you won’t be able to check how she’s doing and if she’s eating / able to keep herself dry / clean. Even being able to move enough to move from her bed or chair to get her toothbrush (they won’t do her teeth for her). Maybe drill down on all of that first so she really knows what she is in for (if it’s a London hospital ward name initials MS, do message me).

A stair lift, which has been fabulous for my elderly mother and which I paid for, may not be as expensive as you think. Do look into it.

There are grants - I asked about them. Complicated process - takes a year they told me! Ridiculous.

Ring social services and request an assessment, they will point you in the right direction. Does she own her house? My mum doesn’t and got a stairlift for free, arranged by an occupation therapist I think.

@stressymummy She does own her own house - all the services mentioned seem to be closed until Monday. I may see if I can take a day off work and spend some time phoning round. I will also call the physio at the hospital and ask to be put in touch with whoever is in charge of discharge.
I am also a stressy mummy of an 11 year old .....

Ah meant @StressyWoman !! Told you I am stressed!!

Might change my name to stressymummy....

@WorriedMutha

We rented one for my mil. I think it's about £40 per month. They came to fit it and will come out to problems within the rental cost.

That sounds like a very good idea.