I’m a mess.

[Holhunt]

Hi all, I’m posting on here because I’m genuinely feeling so lost about life at the moment.
Basically my Nan who is 72 has brought me up since I was 12 (alcoholic mum who passed away dad walked out on me when I was 6 weeks old) it’s a pretty long story but my Nan is basically my mum and has been for 13 years and she’s my world. Very recently she’s started what we believe ‘hearing voices’, she can hear the neighbour saying he’s going to kill all her family, calling her a whore and ugly and that she stinks, she’s heard him talk about killing his ex wife’s new husband (his ex wife doesn’t have a husband) and all sorts of other not very nice things. We are pretty certain it’s in her head because literally not one other person can hear it, me and pretty much all of my family have been round when she says she can hear it and we can’t even hear a muffle and she’s telling us word for word what she can hear. She actually confronted her neighbour about it and he was flabbergasted to say the least. But to cut a long story short she’s now determined he’s put cameras in her house and he’s watching her, she whispers when you go to see her because she thinks he’s got listening devices in her house. She said she was in bed a couple of nights ago and heard him say ‘I can see your feet sticking out of bed’ and then she pulled them back in and he said ‘now you’ve pulled them back in’. I’ve looked all over the house there is definitely no cameras or listening devices it would be impossible for him to put them in anyway. I’m heartbroken at the thought of my Nan being poorly but what makes it worse is she genuinely does not believe anything is wrong with her, she’s even been to the police about
her neighbour and they are suppose to be doing a search of his house in the next few days to see if they can find anything, but she still won’t accept anything is wrong if they don’t find anything (she’s already said she knows he’s going to hide all his equipment he’s using). We’ve rang the crisis team she said if anybody from there comes to the house she’ll slam the door in there face. She won’t go to the doctors she won’t speak to anybody she really believes this 60 year old man next door is out to get her. I have no idea what to do, I have an 11 month old son and I feel such a rubbish mum to him because when I’m with him I’m constantly
Upset and probably not interacting and playing with him as much as I should. He’s already a daddy’s boy (which I have no issue with at all I love that he has an amazing bond
With his dad) but I’m scared he’s going to hate me and just love his dad because he’s better with him than me atm.
I have no idea what I’m expecting back to this post I just want to know I’m not failing my son and I’m doing right by my Nan at the same time 😞 thank you for taking your time to read my story.

Oh dear! I've no idea how you would cope with that! But you're not alone - other people have had similar.

Rest assured, your son won't hate you. He knows you're his Mum. That bond goes deeper than playing and interacting.

Have you tried writing to your GM's GP telling everything that is going on? They may not be willing to talk to you, but they will be willing to read a letter. And it will be very familiar to them

....agree absolutely with Mere about your little one!
Just a thought but if this is recent and sudden could it be that she has a UTI/kidney infection? It’s amazing how that can affect someone. My wonderful, clever mum gets them quite often and she can sound as though she’s losing the plot until the antibiotics kick in .....

I wondered about a water infection too.

Hi didn’t want to read and run. And know others will add good advice to those have already. V good advice from others about infections having these impacts. Also might be worth calling the age UK helpline or looking at advice sheets - or Alzheimer’s uk. They can’t do medical advice but might be able to help on what to do next or some of the things it could and couldn’t be. And to add with the others that really your baby will be fine and know you are his mum and love him. And just to say dealing with a baby and elderly at same time is increasingly common and you are not on your own on this. I was a very last minute mum (42 when I had my kid) so my mum was older than your grandmother when I had my baby! And my kid is used to and gets a mum who who has to think about both child and elderly too. And we know others in same boat - if that is consolation

Thank you all for your lovely and kind messages. Water infection was the first thing I suggested to my Nan I put it nicely and said ‘maybe after all this it could just be an antibiotic job and you’ll finally get a good nights sleep’ she said ‘I know what a water infection feels like my water works are fine’. I love my son he’s my absolute life and atm I just feel sorry for him I know what it’s like to feel not much love from your mum (due to my experience with my own) and I wouldn’t in a million years want him to feel like that. He’s not a cuddly baby but loves kisses and I sit here on a night wondering if I kissed him enough or even spoke to him enough. Sounds so daft I know but you know when you aren’t your usual parenting self don’t you and you wonder if they know too if that makes any sense? I will find the number tomorrow for Alzheimer’s uk and give them a ring it definitely won’t do any harm and @MereDintofPandiculation me and my Nan are at the same doctors so I could definitely write them a letter too, thank you all once again!

Have you considered whether it might be Lewy Body Dementia?

Some of the symptoms you mention remind me of it (my mum had it) - the hallucinations, paranoia, delusions...

If it is that, there are treatments so it's worth getting a diagnosis.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/dementia-with-lewy-bodies/

I love my son he’s my absolute life and atm I just feel sorry for him I know what it’s like to feel not much love from your mum ... but I bet that wasn't simply because she didn't play with you enough.

@Lucienandjean I’ve just read up on the NHS it completely and utterly sounds like my Nan right down to a T! I’m going to mention this to her today and see what she thinks, especially with it developing over a number of years this has been going on a year or maybe more but it’s only recently got worse in the last 4/5 months, @MereDintofPandiculation no definitely not hun my mum was quite mentally abusive and sometimes physically too, I’m just been a little lazy with parenting 🙈

@Holhunt just bear in mind that people with LBD find it really hard to accept; part of the illness is not having the insight into their condition, so they tend to think their delusions are real and reject the idea that they might be ill. It can be hard to cope with. And of course she doesn't have a diagnosis yet.

Whatever is causing your grandmother's condition, she needs to see a medical professional. Would she go with you to see her GP?

Definitely agree she needs medical as soon as possible. Whatever the cause, it is likely to get worse without help.

For now though I hope there's something useful here for you: www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/hearing-voices/for-friends-and-family/

Hi all just an update sorry it hasn’t been sooner, the police came out and searched her neighbours house and they haven’t found anything suspicious so they’re going to speak to my Nan today and explain to her that they haven’t found anything and try get her to go to the doctors but that’s all the police can do unless she give them reason to detain her. We spoke to my nans doctors and they said she needs to come in ASAP because it is going to get worse no matter what it is but they think it could be psychosis or dementia, they can’t force her to come in but they highly recommend she does so I’m going to speak to her today and try convince her. My uncles went yesterday and spoke to her she was still adamant there’s nothing wrong with her so I’m hoping I can get through to her today. I had a lovely day with my son yesterday he gave me lots of cuddles and kisses (he’s not a cuddly baby at all it’s like he knew I needed them) and it’s really assured me that I’m still doing okay as a parent, thank you all once again keep your fingers crossed for a good outcome today!

Oh @Holhunt. Your little boy adores you, please don’t worry about that.

Could you possibly be sneaky and say the GP needs to test you/bloods/urine to make sure the ‘neighbour hasn’t put anything in your food/water’?

I know that might make things even worse but going along with her delusions to get to a diagnosis might be needed

So sorry to read your story, OP. No practical advice, I'm afraid, but just to support other comments here in that my first thought was some form of dementia. My aunt had similar when in a care home. Was convinced the mirror on the wall was two way and the man in the next room was spying on her. Thing was, there was no man in the room next door as it was a store cupboard. Offering massive hugs and a handhold. You can be strong and get through this. Your son loves you and you'll be surprised how he'll help, even if only with cuddles and kisses.

Hi all, I spoke to my Nan today she said she hasn’t heard anything last night or today so far but she also said she’s been ‘playing fire with fire’ but wouldn’t tell me what she meant by that and she also swore on my sons life that there’s nothing wrong with her and he’s just fooling everybody. She said she isn’t going to no doctors because she knows for a fact it isn’t her, so I think We are all defeated at the moment unfortunately. Thank you once again for your kind words and advice though this page has really reassured me and made me feel so much better about everything.

Oh my goodness. What a lot you have had to deal with. Children can be such a support. My DS wasn’t a cuddly baby at. At 8 he’s now a big monster and he cheers me no end. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you and your Nan.

It’s so hard when you’re in the early, undiagnosed stages of dementia and they’re denying it. I remember it well. We were lucky that my mil’s old doctor came out of retirement to cover a surgery and he persuaded her to take a test, whereas the other doctors and social services had brushed it under the carpet.

Hi all just a positive update (finally) my Nan has finally agreed to ring the doctors today and has a telephone appointment next week! Which is a good job really because she really has got worse and worse over the last few weeks but we have progress 😃

That is good news on the doctor. Look after yourself too

Hi OP, I just wanted to say that I am going through a similar thing right now with my aunt. She very clearly to me, has dementia but she insists there is nothing wrong with her. She keeps accusing people of breaking into the house and stealing things from her. She has called the police so often that she is on their list of vulnerable people and they ring me every time she calls them. It is heartbreaking. Physically she is fit and well but she is not right in her mind.

She finally agreed to see the doctor after I told her she probably had a blood vitamin deficiency and it needed testing for. I rang the GP surgery myself and explained my concerns prior to her appt and the GP was really good. She had her bloods done and an ECG and was referred to the memory clinic. She also had an MRI, we are waiting for the inevitable dementia diagnosis, but my aunt refuses to get the diagnosis and has said they can tell me and she will take any tablets, but she doesn't want to know if she has dementia.

It's so hard, she insists there is nothing wrong with her at all and gets really cross when I comment on it. Anyway, the Admiral nurses are really helpful (Google them in your area) and I also have a care naviagator who supports me.

@Dg390 thank you so much, I’m much better now she’s agreed to get help!

@Meme69 I’m so sorry your going through that. It is such a terrible frustrating emotional situation and you feel like bashing your head against wall, I’m so glad your aunt is getting the tests she needs and I hope once you get the diagnosis you can be supported properly and get the right treatment. It’s so sad seeing your family go through these things but you just have to stay strong and stick together, that’s one thing I’ll say for my situation it has made me closer to some of my family members which is a positive. I think it’s dementia with my nana too although some of my family think it won’t be anything too serious. The last few weeks she’s been so much worse accusing the neighbour of been a Paedophile and saying he’s been talking to her brothers about very very personal things about her (this definitely isn’t the case), she said she could hear him half way up the street a few days ago which proves to me it’s definitely in her head. Fingers crossed it gets easier for both of us, it’s such a rubbish thing to go through and you never imagine it been your own 😞

Hi OP how are things? Thinking of you and meme69 and everyone going through this. My fiancé's grandmother is end of life with alzheimers.

My late mother had vascular dementia and her auditory hallucinations were devastating for those they impacted - namely me and my sister.

@sprinkleyumnut

Hi OP how are things? Thinking of you and meme69 and everyone going through this. My fiancé's grandmother is end of life with alzheimers.

Thanks @sprinkleyumnut we are going through an OK patch at the moment. Get the diagnosis on 28th so at least then I will know what we are dealing with. My aunt is very depressed but the GP won't prescribe antidepressants as he wants the memory clinic to instigate it.

Hi all. Sorry for the very long delay in updating, things have been up in the air as you can imagine. Unfortunately we managed to get a doctor out to my nan and she point blank refused any help. She hardly speaks to me anymore because she doesn’t trust me not to ‘talk about her’, I use to spend every day with her or every other day at the minimum and now I can just manage once a week because when I see her I just want to cry knowing how badly our relationship has
Collapsed. I wish I’d never said anything from the off but it seemed like things were getting out of control with her behaviour so I was just trying to do what was right. She hasn’t mentioned any voices but we’ve caught her talking to herself loads of times she just denies it. I’ve recently been diagnosed with depression anxiety and agoraphobia, it’s the crappiest I’ve ever felt and I just want my Nan to tell me Everything’s okay but it’s like she doesn’t
Even love me anymore. If I didn’t call up once a week we’d never see each other or speak. I feel like I’ve lost another mum and I’m trying my best to stay strong but some days I just want to curl up in bed and stay there forever. Luckily my little boy keeps me going. Thank you all again for your support and I’m praying for better days to come x