Advice on putting together a photo album for Mum in home who no longer knows who I am?

[loveyouradvice]

Feeling a bit shellshocked - she's just had Covid, seemed fine but has really affected her dementia - she's leapt from knowing who we all are and able to chat about what we are doing to not knowing I'm her daughter when I stand in front of her.

I've been meaning to do a photo album with words for ages and it now feels rather urgent.

1. Will it help?
2. Any advice on best ways of doing it for someone with dementia ... who I imagine will look at it with her carers (I hope)

Sorry to read that your mum had Covid.

I made an album for my dad. Got a simple scrapbook from hobby craft. used clear photos of happy times (not like passport photos IYSWIM) 50pt simple font to do the wording. I made a page at the beginning - "My name is. . . . ." " I was born on . . . . . " Then page with photo of my mum with "This is ......" "She is my wife" "we got married on . . . . ." Then similar pages for me and my DSis and grandchildren. Then page for where he used to live as a child, his work, cafe he likes to visit, page about jigsaw puzzles, golf etc etc. There's loads of gaps in it. I've tried to do it as an ongoing project so we stick something else in every week or so.

Dad helped me do it (kind of) it was a nice project to do together.

I found the important thing was for me - just to get it done - I had been meaning to do an album for ages but then realised that it didn't need to be perfect. Just printed out some photos, stuck them in using pritt stick. So it's not too precious, doesn't matter if the pages get dog-eared etc.

Also, had to do text on the front saying "This belongs to xxxx" because he kept trying to give it away as didn't realise it was his.

Sorry for bad grammar etc, in a hurry at the moment. Hope some of that helps and your mum enjoys looking at the photos as much as my dad does.

I'm sorry that you are having to experience this; it is incredibly upsetting when someone you love forgets who you are.

I think a photo album sounds like a lovely idea. Try to make it bright; I have been told that often people with dementia do not like the colour black/dark colours, as they find them scary and disturbing. Not sure how true that is, but I have stuck by it!

I would suggest making the images large and just simply write next to each photo the name of the person and the relationship to her.

However, I think you might need to accept that she might not remember any of you, even if she looks at the photo album regularly. Dementia affects people in different ways, and whilst regular contact with some people enables their memory of them to recover/enables them to recognise the person, this is not always the case. I had a client who had a carer living with her 24/7, and it was a shock to her every time the lady entered the room. She simply did not recognise or remember her.

To be honest, I don't think they actually help the person with dementia that much. Certainly my mum couldn't connect between a person, a photo, and a description/relationship.
I tried looking at older photos with her, and it just upset her to be honest as it must have felt like she should know things to say about it.
But mum had fronto temporal dementia, and visual processing is very affected by that, so other dementia types may be a different experience.
I did a photo book early in mums dementia with captions and that was very easy to do. You could do it as a 'Mums family' book with photos of her parents and siblings, spouse, children , gc etc and their name and relationship, perhaps also a pic of her with them if possible

jenny - hugely appreciate your taking the time to spell it out so clearly - great advice, and will indeed put This belongs to ... on the front!

mygod - very interesting - I hadn't heard about colour and will do this - in any case makes it more cheerful

Cmot thank you - I feel as if Im just at the beginning of the journey and need to learn more about her type of dementia, especially now it feels we have been catapulted into it.....

I created a box of photos stuck onto cards for my mum. I wrote on the back what the photo was of. They were mainly photos of her across the years but also of places she knew well. They were used by my brother and I to stimulate some conversations. The care home stsff also used them. I think they really helped. It was handy having them on separate cards as my mum could hold just one and not have to hold a whole album. She died 2 years ago but I have kept the cards and they are a lovely reminder of her life.

My mum's memory wasn't as bad as yours but she had lots of family photos round her room. She did occasionally think I was her sister rather than her daughter.
I used a label maker to write names on all of her photos. It was useful for the staff as well as her.

The other thing we found useful (if she can still read) was what we called her Mantra.
It was a little photo frame on her bedside table and it had 4 or 5 phrases printed out - the things that worried her the most. She would read it to soothe herself
"I have decided to live here at "SunnySide"
"I can afford to live here as I have sold my house"
"All my family know I am here and I can ring them whenever I want"

I made one on line from somewhere like Snapfish. You can include labels on them. Dad did scribble all over them but we were able to order another one easily. It gives the carers something to talk to them about too.

Often photos of people are confusing as they dont recognize them. Care homes often dont have mirrors because residents dont recognise themselves.

Loved places or hobby items and pets were all good for us. We printed a few out A4 with a little information on and put them on Dads wardrobe so he could see the pictures from the bed and carers, particularly those not familiar with him could use them as conversation prompts eg 'what a nice picture of Blackpool. I know you enjoyed your holidays there'

It's worth doing, if only that it will give a focus to your visits in the future. We made a couple of books for my MIL, and although it wasn't long before they started being meaningless to her, just sitting with her, turning the pages and talking about the picture, the person, the holiday we were on when a photo was taken etc, helped pass the time, and enabled a kind of connection. So whether you do it for her or for yourself and other visitors, I think it's worthwhile.

Its tough... and what really helps is people like all of you, who have been there and can shine a light ahead.... I am learning so much ... thank you.

That' a lovely idea and something I have been thinking of doing for DM.

Like you mum, my DM had Covid and has gone downhill since then. She is currently in respite care, not sure if she will come back home as she is still very confused. She does recognise me, I took some photos in as requested by the CH but she asked me to take them home. She said they belong there..it's so sad isn't it? I do feel for you.

onthepiste for you too .... feeling immensely sad xx

Oh yes, definitely make copies for this project. Don't use any photo that there is only one copy of. One of our books was lost (no blame attached to any staff, it's very possible that MIL put it in the bin - she went through a phase of putting everything in the bin)

@saraclara

Oh yes, definitely make copies for this project. Don't use any photo that there is only one copy of. One of our books was lost (no blame attached to any staff, it's very possible that MIL put it in the bin - she went through a phase of putting everything in the bin)

My dad went through a phase of putting his pants in the bin.

Thinking of you, what a hard thing to be dealing with today

We had a photo book for my mum. We put old photos of my mum and her siblings. She also didn't know her 6 own children at this point.
Sometimes it would calm her down when she was agitated, asking her who was in the photos.
I remember looking at her weddings photo she recognised herself but didn't know my dad. She wasn't happy that she had married MY dad because she didn't know him 🙈
Dementia is really the worst. I can remember very clearly my mum asking who I was for the first time I cried all the way home.

@MereDintofPandiculation my MIL's false teeth were the first casualty of her bin obsession. She made it harder for the staff by carefully wrapping things in tissues before binning them, so by the time they realised they were missing it was too late!

saraclara That could have got very expensive!

@ParkheadParadise, when my MIL had forgotten who anyone was, but was still reasonably lucid, we were looking at the book one day, and turned to a page with a photo of my FIL when he was in his 20s (FIL died over 20 years ago).
MIL pointed to his photo and said "oooh, who's that? He's very handsome!". Which was rather lovely!

I used Snapfish (or Photobox, can't remember as I always use whichever one's got the best discount codes at the time) and scanned photos so that originals wouldn't get lost. It also means it's easy to make multiple copies of the book - my gran's got very dog eared and stained because she looked at it a lot so it was good to be able to get a fresh copy.

I didn't use a lot of words - the names were mostly for the carers and family who liked to look at it with her. It was a nice talking point. There were people she remembered (usually the ones from long ago) and people she didn't. Having the names there didn't help her remember the ones that had gone from her memory really.

She LOVED seeing pictures of old pets - those memories seemed to particularly linger. She also liked seeing pictures of places she'd been before - even if she couldn't remember that she'd been or where they were, some sort of affection seemed to remain that gave her pleasure.

It was well worth the time that it took to scan the photos and get them all in the book, and now that she's gone we still have it and it's precious to us as well.

Oh, and while my gran's care home and staff were lovely, I think it's good to have a visual reminder that this person wasn't always an old, demented lady sat in a chair all day - that she had a long, happy life with lots of interests.

I would use Snapfish or similar then you can order another easily. Light to hold, good reproduction. Whilst of course you want it to help her memory of people and who she is as said above it can backfire. I think include pictures of places she has been on holiday (with labels), favourite gardens, views, sights, walks, pictures etc that is things that don't have to mean something but are just enjoyable in their own right. If she remembers well and good if not she can still enjoy them and people can chat about them. Maybe a few lines of a poem or favourite book, hymn that can be read to her. You can then use family images and ones online. Hope this helps.

A photo book is a great idea.
Yes bright colours are great for dementia. Our uniforms are rainbow coloured for this reason!

Definitely label the photos with name and relationship. If the care staff have to ask "who is that?" and the person with dementia doesn't remember, it can remind them that their memory is failing them and it can make them feel frustrated and upset.

I find older photos are better. Short term memory is usually the first to go, whereas they remember things from decades ago for a lot longer. So for eg photos of you and your mum when you were little.

Houses, cars, and pets are good too. I have a resident who has such severe memory loss and confusion and cannot remember almost anything at all, but show her a photo of her old holiday house, and she can tell you in vivid detail about the house, down to paint colour, architraves, furniture, and plants in the garden. It also brings back lovely memories of her husband because he built the house himself.

Places and landmarks that are special to them are good too. For eg I have a resident who grew up in Holland, and a generic photo of the Rhine brings back stories of how he used to swim in it and teach younger kids how to swim.

I hope that helps.

Also another thing that brings familiarity and memories is music. If you can provide copies of or a list of specific artists and songs, that is very helpful. It's so amazing when even a largely non-verbal resident hears a song from their youth and starts singing along with the full lyrics!

Yes I agree she’ll appreciate older photos more. They remember the more distant past longer. My mil is in a home where they put a photo of each resident on their bedroom doors. Every time we go in she asks why there is a photo of her mother on the door.