DM about to dangerously discharge

[DorsetCamping]

Apologies for the continuing saga but am at wits end.

To be brief DM (74) has been in hospital 3 times over the last month due to various conditions and the last admission being for 10 days and near deaths door. All pointing to her continuing decline and inability to cope independently.

She reluctantly agreed to go to a rehab unit last week and seemed to be making reasonable progress, no doubt due to be constantly monitored and with the 24/7 care.
Tentative Plans were being discussed for her to go home with an enhanced daily care package.

However, yesterday she had a fall, whereby her walking frame tipped and she banged her head. Thankfully she is ok but naturally it raised deeper concerns about her safety and needs when she goes home.

Onto this morning, she said she is self-discharging and that if I don't go and get her tomorrow she will call a taxi . Said that there is no way she is staying, hates it and is exhausted.
I have spoken to The nursing staff who are adamant that it is not safe for her to go home, especially with yesterday's fall and that her care package needs a new review. More worryingly is that no carers will even be available in the immediate future given COVID and calls on resource.
They have told DM all of this but she it's falling on deaf ears.

I am so cross her with, it's like dealing with a toddler. She has no clue about the worry this is causing or the implications with lockdown. All she keeps saying to the staff is that either I, or her elderly neighbours will help if need be.
I mean, WTF?!
They did ask me about her mental health as she seemed so low today but ultimately it is her decision.

I am so exhausted with her. All she is being asked to do it sit and recover - you'd think she was in a prison cell the way she goes on. I can pretty much guarantee that if she goes home tomorrow she will just end up in hospital again and we'll be back in the same merry go round.

Another update, I have just learnt that Mum's section 2 was rescinded this morning and replaced with DoLs. All done without any discussion or invitation to attend the meeting (remote)

Not only am I quite shocked but also suspicious that this was done covertly to avoid applying S3 and the 117 aftercare.

I have left a message for the psychiatrist to ring me but have no clue how to challenge the decision

Can you ask how they came to that decision, it may not be what you think. Have they discuused where she will be discharged to and what level if care she will need. She may qualify for funding. Its so annoying when they dont tell you whats happening if your named to be informed.

No I know nothing,
the only reason I found out was because I rang to see how she was today and the nurse told me.

Sorry to hear this Dorset. When mum was coming to the end of her section, the AMHP rang me to discuss the way forward and also to advise me what the consultant thought. She also wanted to hear my thoughts on how mum was doing and whether I thought she had lost capacity. That is a bit off not involving you at all.

You can challenge it, not sure how but try one of those helplines I gave you details of. They have experts on them who know the MH laws inside out. I think the Alzheimers Org one is supposed to be the best. It is worth a try at least.

Thanks @flygirl767
I have spoken with MIND legal helpline who advised in the first instance to question why the 'best interest' part of the DoLs assessment didn't involve me as nearest family member.

5pm - Have just come off lengthy call with the psych who seemed quite put out that I was questioning the decision and said legally I didn't need to be consulted
As she firmly believes DM doesn't qualify for S3 (despite no capacity, prognosis of being an inpatient for many months, and a risk to herself) it was solely her who undertook the DoLs assessment - nobody else was involved.

Really pissed off but feel like I've hit a brick wall and left with no choice but to accept her unilateral decision.

Wow, she doesn't sound very approachable. Our consultant recommended the S3 but the AMHP had to meet with mum to ensure that was the right option for her. I wouldn't give up although it doesn't sound like the consultant will change her mind. Take more advice , you can most definitely challenge this as nearest family.

The MIND helpline will probably able to assist you in the application or deputyship as well. So sorry you have all this on your plate, you must be so stressed x

BY the way, I'm pretty sure 2 people have to be involved in the Dol's assessment, I would query that!

Just checking in to report DM is unfortunately the same if not worse. Totally paranoid and convinced at best everyone is a liar, at worse we are all trying to kill her.

Her behaviour when I visit generally swerves between distress, confusion, paranoia and verbal aggression.

I went today with DB; this was the first time he's seen her since being sectioned and he was so shocked. She barely recognised us and couldn't equate us with being her children. Very angry and even told me to fuck off at one point (this from a devout Christian who used to tell me off for saying "OMG@!)

She pretended to be asleep for large spells of the visit and for the remainder talked paranoid, aggressive nonsense.

DB is convinced her brain has bern damaged in some way but we still are no further forward with answers or treatment. It's heartbreaking hearing DM tell me she hates me and just wants to go home to live in peace. I feel like a terrible daughter and ashamed to say I dread visiting her

Oh @DorsetCamping you are an amazing daughter and don't ever forget it. That is not your mum you are hearing, it is the illness. I am sorry you find it so upsetting, do you think it might be better to back off with the visits a little if she is so distressed during them? She most likely won't remember that you have visited anyway.

I really hope they get to the bottom of what sounds like psychosis and can treat her accordingly.

You're not a terrible daughter at all what do they think is causing this, is it dementia. It must be very upsetting to see her like this but maybe as pp suggests maybe it's best not to visit at the moment. Are the doctors starting any treatment at all yet.

Why the hell isn't DM being sedated?

Don't visit when she's like this. Ruining your day won't fix hers.

Why the hell isn't DM being sedated? Perhaps she's not distressed y it? At least when she hasn't got visitors?