Opinions please. My grandfather is 93 and is currently being shielded. Our family have been protecting him by not visiting, the only exception is my mother who has met him in his garden to drop off supplies. I’ve just discovered that my aunts have been seeing him ALMOST EVERY SINGLE DAY since lockdown started by either going into his house or encouraging him to drive to theirs. I suspected as much and tried to politely express my concern via text message (we are estranged and I have tried to reach out a few times during lockdown regarding logistics for my grandfather but have been consistently rebuffed.) Not only did they admit in a text that they have been seeing him but they effectively accused me of being a terrible grandaughter because I haven’t (I work at a school and I didn’t think it was responsible of me to do so.) They also said (and I quote) “Why the sudden interest? Is it because you think he’s on his last legs?” Effectively accusing me of feigning interest because I want some sort of inheritance.
A bit of background here, my grandfather has 6 children and the the 2 aunts spent many years telling my grandfather that his other children were terrible people. Every time they fell out with one of them they insisted my grandfather and grandmother (now deceased) take their side. Bit by bit my grandparents favoured my aunts and excommunicated their other children. After my grandmother passed away my grandfather softened and started letting his other children back into his life. My grandmother had dementia for a very long time and I believe that they manipulated her mental heath into believing that all my other aunts and uncles were terrible people. They are verbally aggressive and accusatory, I’m pretty sure that they have slowly been stealing my grandmothers jewellery (on my grandmothers deathbed in hospital her wedding ring just happened to pop out of my aunts bra and she made the excuse that she was going to get it cleaned.) My grandfather is terrified of people coming to his house (possibly because so many things go missing.)
They pay for his council tax, phone bills and some other bills. I am grateful that they are offering him financial support and keeping him company. They persuaded him many years ago to write a will only with them to inherit (I’m fine with that but it makes me question their intentions.)
Here’s the kicker, my aunt was a celebrity in the 70’s and has 4000 followers on Twitter. She constantly talks about saving the NHS and how terrible Dominic Cummings is and has a host of loyal fans nodding along. I feel such burning injustice at it all. I was simply reaching out because I was concerned about the squalor he lived in and was asking them if we could all coordinate more as a family to look after him and they said I don’t do enough for him. Before lockdown I visited and called, sent him the odd card and humorous message, bottle of wine or a bit of DIY. I’ll admit that I don’t pay his council tax or phone bill, does that make me a bad granddaughter? Now I’ve reached out and expressed my concern about his recent deterioration in living standards and that there may need to be a coordinated effort, do I deserve to get my hand slapped? I’m at a point in my life where I can help out more financially (I have my own young family and my own parents heading into retirement.) But a big project like retiling his bathroom and fixing an extension that is falling apart is surely something for the group of us to coordinate (I’m happy to pay.)