Care home closed to visitors

[Saz12]

Dads care home has closed to visitors (corona virus). When I say “closed” it really is closed to ALL non-essential visits (basically, anyone non-medical). No “one visitor for half-an-hour a week to separate area”. A blanket no visitors.
I’m worried that Dad won’t remember me by the time this has lifted (couple months?).
He has no real quality of life and I’m absolutely sure that if he had the choice he would want visitors even if it caused him an earlier death.
Obviously other residents probably don’t feel the same way!

Caring for him myself is impossible as he needs 24-hour care and I need to work (am 30 years away from retirement).

What, if anything, can I do?

Our place also closed from today.
Personally, I'm glad that they've taken the steps to shut prior to any confirmed CV cases. I still remain as worried as about what would happen if it does strike. It would not be pleasant and very traumatic all round. I've experienced DM being in a home where seven people died in a ten week period and the sadness and distress remained for weeks.

I can't believe for a moment that our place will have enough staff as already they have a very small pool of staff carers and a high percentage of agency staff. If this goes on for a while I reckon they will have no option but to call families in as the hospitals will take priority when agency workers are placed.

I guess what you do is hope with all your heart that he is comfortable and unaware.

Residents and staffare at risk from outside. Its sensible to close to non essential visitors

Can the staff support him to use Skype or FaceTime?

I'm sorry OP, I completely see why he would rather see you

tbh if they took a vote among residents, I'd be interested to see the results.

is he allowed out for any reason? I'm guessing not.

I'm sorry you're both going through this

It must be heartbreaking for you, and definitely wouldn't have been an easy decision for the
to make either. Unfortunately there have already been instances round the world of it bringing absolute havoc and worse to care homes, and also as staffing levels already are low, having a few off would be really bad for the residents. The local one to me has a few iPads and was asking a few weeks ago for volunteers to go in and help show them how to use them (staff won't always have time, but will help where they can) which I thought was a lovely idea. Could something similar work where your dad is?

It’s hard, understandably families want to see their loved ones especially when they might not have much time left with them.

But everyone in the home is frail and it’d spread like a bush fire (depending on the home some still have shared rooms/bathrooms and then there’s wandering residents)

Would he be ok with phone calls? I know that’s how we deal with long distance families usually so there definitely should be a way to phone and have a chat before bed/between meals. Maybe even posted letters/pictures or if staff could assist emailed over videos/video calls (depends on in home tech available)

Taking him out or only letting visitors in the sun room still exposes them to it on his return to the main areas.

He’s pretty rubbish on the phone, to be honest.

The only option that I can imagine would be him being isolated in his room in order that he can have visitors. That might be marginally better, but am really unconvinced!

Either way, he’s just come down with a UTI (again) so in reality would get nothing from a visit until that’s cleared up.

My poor kids are in that situation as their dad is dying in a nursing home and they're not allowed in to see him. They knew there would probably only be one last visit while he bears any resemblance to the man they knew, but they won't get that now.

I worked in a large care home some years ago and we had noro virus. It spread like bushfire, and we were so meticulous with hygiene etc!! We closed to visitors at the time. So I can fully understand why these places are putting this measure into place now. Yes its hard, I have a relative in a care home. BUT we as a family know its also the right thing to do and our relative is safe, warm and well cared for. A simple cold to us can be devastating to the elderly.

Fortunately( if you know what I mean) my father is too far gone to know if we visit him or not.
We do go,but its pointless. So, personally, a ban on visiting is a relief. Although i do get this isnt the case for those whose relatives depend on visits from outside.

if he had the choice he would want visitors even if it caused him an earlier death.

But this isn't fair for the other residents (or their families) that want to stay alive. Unfortunately, care homes have had to make this decision to protect their residents. Some are allowing visitors if someone is at end of life though.
How could you live with yourself if you had it, and didn't have symptoms and visited and it spread round the home, and people that live there died?
Ask the home if they will allow FaceTime or Skype calls. Whilst not ideal, it's better than nothing.

Our carehome has done this too.
No one allowed in at all now. We don’t have any cases in the home, but live in an area with a few cases now.
This is to protect your love ones. We are helping with FaceTime/phone calls with residents who are able to, and sending email updates to families.
It is a worry. All staff are worried about bringing the virus in without knowing.
No idea how long this will go on for.

Write to him? Send postcards, photos, type letters, poems, anecdotes. How heartbreaking for you. You could probably hand deliver so you don't have to rely on postal service. Send a pack of blu tack so they can put things you send on the wall for him to look at.

Hi OP
I was just about to post a similar thing but saw your post, hope you do not mind me adding my post here
We got informed mums nursing home asking (telling?) people not to visit.
Mum not elderly, she is in her 50s but severely disabled (most people there are elderly and I do honestly totally understand they have to protect. People)
But I have just booked all my leave at work, I was going to spend every day with her and take my dinner up at midday and spend time with her. I have an amazon order that I ordered myself because mum cannot do it arriving at mums on Monday with a couple of bits I needed for my birthday next week and I was going to be with her and take cake up for the residents etc because I spend so much time there it is practically my home too.
I think I may be overreacting. I am autistic and really struggling to come to terms with this. Do people think this is because I had the next couple of weeks planned out and it has all gone to pot now? I generally really struggle with what I am supposed to feel (it is good they keeping people safe) to the utter selfishness? (If that is what you call it) of what i actually feel, which is everything has changed in such a short space of time which I struggle with anyway. I really do not understand why and keep on losing it completely and crying uncontrollably unable to do anything and I am not sure why
I always go and see mum, always. I do not know what I am going to do. Maybe when my head gets round this news I will be able focus better, but I am absolutely devastated. This thing is affecting me in every part of my life ( even at gym class they have brought in measures) and I do not know what is going on, my brain cannot cope.

Even isolating him in his room would still have cross contamination risks everywhere.. staff still need to go in for personal care and meals. Obviously there would then be another 10 requests from other families to do the same, some of which might not actually stay back if they’re sick, then the added time on between each resident for proper ppe.. absolute chaos.

Hopefully he’s feeling more himself soon and they don’t keep the lock down on for too long.

ours has the same lock down. I k now it is hard but it is for the best for their health.
Skype phone calls and photos by post will help

Pink some of us on this board are the same age as your lovely mum.

I’m not surprised you are finding this tough.
We can all support each other through this

I agree with a pp its devastating for you and your dad OP. BUT you have to consider all the other residents in the home. As I said before, its the right thing to do. The staff will be worried too, bringing it into the home unknowingly. And if staff start needing to be off work.....who`s going to care for the residents? When noro virus broke out in the home I worked in staff did get ill. The rest of us worked like dogs. It was horrible. Letters etc is a good idea, skype etc.

@PinkBuffalo. Your amazon order will still get to your mum and maybe the staff will set you and her up for Face Time or Skype. My husband is presently locked upstairs in the attic after coming back from Italy so it’s all a bit chaotic everywhere

Pink, I understand how hard this is. And the mixed feelings.

I too know that I should agree with the care home decision. It is the sensible option. However, it is hard to comprehend the idea that my Dads welfare has been put aside for “the greater good” by a setting which claims to give “individualised care”. I also know that for my Dad it would not be his choice. And, his respirator system is v healthy and he’s not old (early 70’s). So not highest risk for CV. But yes, other people in the care home are. And of course, the care homes reputation is an issue for them.

The uncertainty is hard for everyone, but really difficult for anyone with ASD.

Your mum will get the parcel. Call or email the home if you feel that would help you. They will send you the part of the parcel that is yours. Ask them.

Can you make plans for what your going to do with your time? Touch up paintwork in the house? Get some workout equipment and get fit(ter)? Learn how to cook? A new language? Ukelele?

It would have broken my heart if this had happened when my mum was in a care home. I wonder how many people will die without their loved ones? A lot, I suspect.

thankyou saz and everyone. I called today. They are all ok.
My auntie (mums sister) called today and said she will be coming down to me tomorrow and we going out for the day just the two of us
Sympathies to anyone else going through this, i hate that you are too OP, but also in a weird way 'glad' that someone else gets what I am trying to say.
I hope it all goes away soon and we can get back to visiting our families and friends xx

My mum is in a care home. It has closed its doors to visitors now, and rightly so. We were supposed to go over today but taking precautions like this is the sensible thing to do

alsohuman I understand what you say. Like OP dad, mums respitory system is probably the most healthy thing about her so she should still be here when this is all gone I am expecting her around for a while yet!
at mums home it is a proper family. I know so many of the families beucase we see eachother practically every day. We all call ourselves one big family there and it is true. It will be so hard for the husbands I see visiting every day who spend as many hours there with their wives as I do with mum if not more because I work full time and they are probably there most days when I am at work too.
I would hate if something happened to anyone whilst this is going on, but I guess this is the best way to ensure everyone is looked after. when Everything back to normal I will definitely take cake in for everyone if only for the sheer relief it all over!

They are not legally allowed to,restrict people seeing their families. It is a Deprivation of their liberty. They should be discussing with families how to support contact whilst reducing risk.
Stopping visitors means the home becomes a closed community and with overstretched staffing that poses real risks.
Homes have no right to make that decision but I understand why they think they should.