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Elderly parents
Original poster

Please help. Quick question

49 replies

sunglasses123 · 19/11/2019 20:49

Could someone please help. DM has just come out of hospital. Carers say she needs to provide the food when they come in. She lives on her own and I live 100’s of miles away. What normally happens please?

Luckily someone is there for the first night but not ongoing.

What is the normal process?

OP posts:
HappyHammy · 19/11/2019 21:17

They might agree to do a mini shop if it's near and she would give them cash only and ask for receipts. Many people stock up on microwave or even ready meals which either she or carers can prepare. Either you or mum need to speak to the care agency and ask if they can do quick shop and prepare food. Is mum able to make herself something to eat. Alternatives are you arrange online delivery for her or see what local food companies there are like Wiltshire Foods who deliver meals. There will be local companies that offer this. Was this not arranged before she left hospital.

Original poster
sunglasses123 · 19/11/2019 21:32

Thank you so much Happy. She is bed bound and upstairs having broken her hip. She couldn’t let anyone in downstairs.

No one at the hospital mentioned this and I naively thought that they would bring food with them. They know she lives on her own.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunglasses123 · 19/11/2019 21:34

She lives in London just around the corner from a Sainsbury local (2 min walk) but the carer was very definite they expect food to be provided

OP posts:
AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/11/2019 21:35

Would the carer be happy to let a delivery driver unload shopping and help put it away? I know a few people whose careers do that.

FLOrenze · 19/11/2019 21:36

Is there a local Red Cross or WRVS that you could contact.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 19/11/2019 21:37

Where we live (not London) the person who is cared for has to provide their food. Is there a friend or neighbour who can do it or who could stay in and answer the door if you order an online shop? If not then you could pay a cleaning agency to do it.

pinksquash13 · 19/11/2019 21:38

A neighbour or friend who could provide some short term help?

Travellinglass · 19/11/2019 21:45

Sorry you are in this situation and it wasn’t sorted before she was discharged home.

Here food is expected to be in the house for Carer’s to hear/serve. Keysafe outside and number giving to a driver? Or like someone else suggested Wiltshire farm foods or if meals on wheels are available?

Even though Sainsbury’s is 2 minutes away this task could take 15+ mins for example - arriving at the house,being told what the client wants,been giving money,walking to the shop,locating items in an unfamiliar shop,paying for the groceries,unpacking the groceries and then complete the meal (and any other task that’s required such as toileting,personal care etc).

There might be someone close by who can be paid to go shopping for her?

TwatCat · 19/11/2019 21:50

We had meals on wheels for my grandad.

Is she expected to make a recovery? Does she have physiotherapy? Does she have a social worker? If not, I think she needs one.
Care companies can provide shopping assistance but it is usually paid for privately and not out of the cost of the care provided by the council.

I used to work as a home carer and we did do shopping calls but they were paid for privately.
They shouldn't have discharged her knowing she didn't have anybody to help her.
The problem with care companies is they are run ridiculously tightly, to the minute, often "call cramming" - adding extra calls in when there's not even the time to add them in. They're not supposed to do it, but they do, because if they didn't, someone wouldn't get their care. So even through the shop is only 2mins walk away, to walk there, do a shop, queue, walk back, put it away, is realistically going to take half an hour minimum, that the carer won't get paid for and doesn't have the time to do. We were so rushed off our feet when I did home care. The good carers get worked into the ground. It made me very ill.

I hope you manage to sort something out for her and hope she recovers well.

ChicCroissant · 19/11/2019 21:56

Can the person there tonight do some shopping? Otherwise Wiltshire Farm Foods would be the best option but could it be delivered to a neighbour who is in if your mum can't open the door? I wouldn't bank on the delivery turning up at the same time as the carer, unfortunately.

Hope you are OK too, must be pretty stressful being so far away at a time like this.

Original poster
sunglasses123 · 19/11/2019 21:59

I am really touched by how quickly I got some responses. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I live 100 miles away but could go down once a week perhaps and get some soup and Jacobs cream crackers that are in separate mini packs. She is not a great eater anyway but I can get long life milk etc and some dried food.

OP posts:
SlB09 · 19/11/2019 21:59

This should of absolutely been considered prior to her being discharged. If she is truly bed bound and stuck upstairs then this is a safeguarding issue (unless she has capacity and has insisted on being discharged home despite the difficulties - which isn't unusual!). People need to get into the house including carers, district nurses, GP's. Normal course is to get a key safe installed. If she is on a normal bed and not mobilising then you also need to consider pressure sore development, pain management/taking medications, adequate fluids..the list goes on!
You need to ring her social worker pronto or if you don't know who that is ring her council/social services and explain the situation. An adequate care package should have been arranged.
Care agencies will do a shop but obviously this is included in the care package cost, many companies simply do not have the capacity to provide this extra time. You may find that now she's home you need to visit to basically sort things out, fill the freezer with food and make sure she's coping.

ChicCroissant · 19/11/2019 21:59

Just to add that if she has carers coming in, one of them may go shopping if you pay them separately for it but not as part of their job. If not ring the social worker at the hospital to see if they know of any charities or similar that could help. The visiting carers won't bring any food.

If she can't answer the door how are the carers going to get in?

fluffiphlox · 19/11/2019 22:00

Can you do an online shop and get someone to accept it and put it away?

Original poster
sunglasses123 · 19/11/2019 22:01

She fell and wasn’t wearing her pendant. My son is there at present (grown up) so he will get stocked with food.

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thesandwich · 19/11/2019 22:03

Age uk and carers uk could help.

crochetgifts · 19/11/2019 22:05

You can buy a keysafe from screwfix. They are easy to fit. My handy 11 year old DS fitted ours. We have one because I don't trust DS (15) to take a key to school - he has form for losing EVERYTHING. It's brilliant.

Original poster
sunglasses123 · 19/11/2019 22:06

I have just had keysafe installed so when son leaves carers can come in with the code. It’s really just the logistics of the food so any ideas on dried type foods would be great. I don’t work Thursday so will go around there and get the cupboards stocked up.

Can only think of soup and crackers at present!!

OP posts:
Original poster
sunglasses123 · 19/11/2019 22:08

Totally understand why carers cannot do it now that you lovely people have explained the reasoning.

OP posts:
Sewbean · 19/11/2019 22:10

My in-laws get food from Wiltshire and also Parsleybox. The Parsleybox ones don't need to be kept in a fridge or freezer and just need microwaved so the carers can do them in a few minutes.

TitianaTitsling · 19/11/2019 22:14

Can you contact nlocal social work office and ask for list of approved care providers who your mum could employ privately for an hour a week to do a shop for her? Does she receive attendance allowance?

TwatCat · 19/11/2019 22:15

Soups
Cup a soups
Bread can be kept in freezer and toasted or made into a sandwich in the morning ready for lunch.
Mashed potato in small Tupperware tubs to go with other food.
In bed bound people, good nutrition is really important to minimise risk of bedsores, so frozen vegetables are great.
Ready meals
Eggs last a while, poached / scrambled egg on toast
Could you make a few home made meals in Tupperware?
Also, you can now buy frozen mash
Cook a load of sausages and freeze them she could have sausage mash peas and gravy.
Sadly carers will only have enough time to heat something quickly, so for example, sausages that require 20mins cooking when the carer is only there for 15mins wouldn't be good. As carers we did cook foods like this for some clients, but it was hassle when we already didn't have enough time.

SlB09 · 19/11/2019 22:15

Frozen veg or tinned
Yoghurts with reasonable dates
Sandwich fillings in small jars
Pouches of flavoured rice/lentils etc that you just microwave
Tinned fish

Think anything that can be microwaved/sandwiched etc.

Also a flask/mug for cups of tea

Toofaroutallmylife · 19/11/2019 22:17

My DSis used to organise a weekly supermarket delivery for my DM. Is there a neighbour that could accept the delivery at a pre-agreed time?

I’m afraid that we found that carers need “managing” in terms of what they do in terms of food etc, which is very, very difficult when you live a distance away. It might be worth discussing with the agency how they will deal with this.

Hope it all works out for you and your DM

crochetgifts · 19/11/2019 22:17

How many calls per day is she having?