Please help. Quick question

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Could someone please help. DM has just come out of hospital. Carers say she needs to provide the food when they come in. She lives on her own and I live 100’s of miles away. What normally happens please?

Luckily someone is there for the first night but not ongoing.

What is the normal process?

So your son can get some stuff for the next few days?

So you are thinking of three small meals a day and some nice tempting nibbles that can be left in range in-between. What about whatever she usually has for breakfast; bread in the freezer, a few slices can be taken out at a time for toast or mini sandwiches which the carers can sort; biscuits or crackers; long lasting cake (fruit cake/malt loaf/mini mince pies); small portions of ready meals for main meal, soup, oranges are good if she likes them as relatively long lasting. Milk in pints in the freezer (unless she can tolerate long life), make sure there is plenty of tea/coffee/squash so she keeps her fluids up. Cheese slices individually wrapped (I know, plastic, but needs must).

She will need some protein to help healing. Cheese slices are quick and easy for sandwiches. Tins of fish if she likes that. Sardines mackerel salmon.
Dried fruit as she could get a bit constipated laying in bed.
Treats but not too much sugar. Does she like a biscuit or a mini individually wrapped cake with her tea.
Eggs are always a good standby.
How often are the carers going in. She could do with a drinking flask and small easy to use water bottle.
Dont forget toiletries. Loo paper. Kitchen roll. Tissues. Wet wipes. Nappy bags are always useful for a variety if things!

The freezer is your friend.
As is the microwave (as much as I personally hate them)
Yes, milk in the freezer is great. I'm trying to remember what some of our clients did.
Porridge in sachets are good (some carers wouldn't have a clue how to make porridge, so the sachets are great for the clueless)
Cereal
Toast, maramalade, jam, lemon curd, honey, dare I say it... marmite 🤮
Small packs of ham, cheese, mayonnaise, eggs for sandwiches
Crackers and a tin to keep them fresh
Biscuits and cakes
Fruit juice - being inactive can slow down the bowels so keeping her regular will help matters.
You can get mini individual cartons of different fruit juices. Lunchbox size juices with a straw.
Ready meals or meals on wheels for main meal.
Bisto type gravy.

Does she have a commode in the bedroom or is she incontinent? Do you have continence aids in place?

Really surprised that your mum hasn’t been offered more help, even short term residential care. I have recently had a hip replacement and would not have managed without someone being here. Certainly for 1st couple of weeks. Hope she has all the practical equipment she needs, grabbers/reachers, zimmer or sticks, as won’t be bend or walk unassisted.

Able to bend.

My mum recently fell and broke her hip, she's home now with carers 4 x a day, she has a keysafe by the back door and they let themselves in soup
Carers are in approx 30 mins so don't have time to do more than warm up f ood, it's different carers all the time. Now she's been out 2 weeks we are recognising some which is good. Note that these aren't carers as such they are to support her getting back on her feet and being able to go the toilet herself and feed herself over time. They aren't there to do stuff instead of her.
Food wise I've made her some small homemade meals which the nightime carer can get out the freezer for the next day, lots of tins of soup
I live an hour away from my mum but have been staying at get a as she came down with a chest infection 3 days after coming home and I couldn't leave her a!one overnight
Good luck, hope she's back on her feet soon

www.oakhousefoods.co.uk/lp/meals-on-wheels

My grannused these. For now, get your son to nip to an M and S food shop and get n a load of small ready meals that the carers can microwave. They can go in the freezer. If you're going down every weekend, she will be ok with a couple of small bottles of fresh milk, it will keep. Get thngs she can have on a sandwich that'll keep for a week or so. Bread can go in the freezer too.

My lovely mum volunteers with the WRVS - definitely worth having a look to see if they are active in your area.

Mum does a weekly shop for a local lady and brings it to her, has a tea and cake with her and has helped her with things like recording telly programmes, setting up her radio so she can choose her favourite stations, putting together lists of local numbers she might need etc.

Mum also has the lady's son's details so if she can't get through to her or has any concerns she can let him know.

Sounds like similar would be perfect for your mum so do check them out. Poor her, I hope she is doing as ok as she can be

I think ur mum would have benefited from a rehab hospital short term. Seems she needs 24 hour care at the moment as opposed to 3 or 4 visits a day. Is it possible to speak to her social worker regarding this ?

Carers will always promote independence where possible. So as a pp stated, it's to support the person. It's supporting them to stay in their own home.

Thank you all very much. Mum doesn’t have a freezer. She is a tiny women who never really had much interest in food. I agree that a stay in a rehab hospital might have been worth thinking about but she wanted to go home. Carers in 2 times a day. Love your ideas about easy food and will go round there on Thursday with some M&S treats as well as some dried foods

She has lots of aids, walkers, commode etc

Will she manage with two visits a day. Does she have any mobility equipment at home. Will she be safe to look after herself inbetween visits.

She can get out of bed and to the bathroom using the walker.

Dad has some of those shelf stable Parsleybox meals and says they are good

Honestly, I’d get her a small freezer or fridge with freezer compartment and a microwave and then organise a weekly Wiltshire Farm Foods delivery. The drivers/deliverers will put them straight into the freezer if you give them the key safe number and they do all sorts of meals for special diets.

Another vote for a small freezer, then M&S mini sized ready meals.

The Wiltshire Farm Foods look lovely in the brochure but we found them truely , truely tasteless. They also delivered only on a fortnightly cycle. Sigh.

Are there any volunteer services around who might help with shopping and putting away ?

All the best, I hope it goes well for you.

If your dad or mum were in the services the local British Legion might be willing to help. My uncle was n the RAF and when he became disabled, the local RAFA sent someone to him. They even had a convalescent hotel for him

Mum doesn’t have a freezer. In that case try parsleybox. Or see if there is a meals on wheels service - 40% of LAs still have them. Ours was brilliant - could start next working day, easy to stop and start as needed.

Or, as your mum probably knows, you can get lots of stuff tinned, veg, fruit, meat, fish. Difficulty without a freezer will be milk (though you could get a milkman to deliver to an obscure spot and carer could bring it in) and bread (though milkman will sometimes deliver bread). My father liked crispbakes - basically like french toast, so a good bread substitute - this sort of thing groceries.morrisons.com/webshop/product/Morrisons-Eat-Smart-Crisp-Bakes/450667011

My dad who lives on his own was discharged after a hip replacement, with zero aftercare and zero local follow up. He could’ve fallen on the first night and no one from the nhs would ever have known! He had told the hospital he lived on his own, and their reply? You’ll manage. So I’m not sure it’s unusual to be discharged with no help (and the discharging team know this when they sign the papers). I think it’s appalling....

Another shout out for Parsleybox. Not needing refrigeration is a big bonus. The standard portion size would be too small for me but my terminally ill Dad found the size perfect and enjoyed choosing them. They only need a few minutes in the microwave so until his last week he could make it to the kitchen and stand long enough to sort himself out. Next day delivery during the week and no ongoing commitment to order.

Does she have a freezer?
Can she or a friend handle a delivery?

I order from Wiltshire farm foods for my mother who has carers. They have a range of frozen microwaveable meals which carers can heat up when they come. Their drivers are dementia friendly and will put food directly into the freezer.

Additionally I get an online delivery from a supermarket. Sometimes I will get it delivered while I am there. Other times when carer/ cleaner is there. You can freeze milk and bread. Heinz Big soups, cheese, yoghurt, crackers, cereals, porridge, eggs etc are quick and easy for carers to prep.

IME carers vary enormously. Some are under a lot of time pressure so do the bare minimum even if the client is paying for a 60 minute call.

Sorry - just seen she does not have a freezer. I think life would be a lot easier if she got one.

A few people i know use the parsleybox shelf stable and say they are fine. Wiltshire's food may not be the best but their service has been amazing. Regular driver who would let themselves in and put food in the freezer. If it was another driver the coordinator would always let us know. Obviously no use as you done have a freezer but if there is space its maybe worth getting a small one.