Just sat here crying

[Passthebubbly]

Ahhh. Messaged mum to see how she was as I do morning and night. This is the response I got. I can’t cope with it anymore. Nothing I do is enough.
She won’t do anything - anything to help herself and everything as an only child is left to me.
Let’s just say I belong on the stately homes thread. My relationship with her is utterly toxic but she is sick so I am doing my best to look after her whilst raising 2 kids and working full time. She lives 65mile round trip which I do twice a week. She had said she was moving beside us but had now decided not to. Has told social service she no longer needs help so that has been revoked. She is housebound without me. I can’t cope anymore! I’m about to crack. She is only 63 but a lot of complex issues that are just too much for me to cope with alone but she refuses all other help.
Text tonight to see she was ok to get “have just sat here and cried all day” you and me both! Not wanting to drip feed and massive back story of her shocking treatment towards me but doesn’t even matter anymore.

You have to tell her that you won’t be held hostage by guilt anymore, and that she has the right to make decisions about her own health, no matter how stupid they are - up until they start to involve your time.
Your time is not hers to dictate. Don’t be available. If she has the capacity to online shop, she has the capacity to get her arse to hospital if necessary.

Please do not cancel your holiday, you need it! I have a mother who manages to have a crisis just before we go on our holidays and I posted on here about it, and the unanimous response was don't tell her you are going on holiday. (I am an only child, my mother is 91, in a home but with several relatives close by. She has mental capacity but can be very manipulative).

Too late now (although DO NOT CANCEL YOUR HOLIDAY!) but in future don’t tell her if you’re going away. I did this earlier this year, I did ring her a couple of times, but she had no idea we were away and surprise surprise there were no issues at all: I’ve no doubt that there would have been a blue light incident if she’d known

OP I've just got news that a friend in her 40s is ill with heart problems and will need surgery

This has come as a total shock. She is very fit and we thought, healthy.

Maybe I'm harsh or wrong or whatever...
But I suspect the cause is stress. Her father was severely ill last year, spent months in hospital - she visited daily - and now has full time home care.

I wondered how she coped with it so well; now I fear this is what has made her ill. I should add, she has a good relationship with him and wanted to visit daily so didn't have the added pressure that comes with problems from a narc parent.

Please step back OP.

As well as the stately homes thread it's also worth having a read of this board
www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=37.0