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Elderly parents

FiL wants DH to buy his house. How awful an idea is this?

55 replies

batvixen123 · 29/05/2019 19:20

I'm not sure if my knee jerk response is fair or not. FiL is in his late eighties and is pretty frail. He's never been good with money - DH says he's the kind of guy who will win £10,000 on the horses and then invest it immediately in some hair brained scheme set up by a mate of his down the pub. He did have a fair amount of money when he retired but decided to invest it in a couple of business ventures set up by "mates" which promptly failed and left him in a financial hole. As a result, he took out a mortgage on his house a few years ago, which was apparently fine because MiL did have a civil service pension which covered the costs of the mortgage.

She has since sadly died, and in addition the fixed rate on his mortgage has come to an end and he is now struggling to make repayments. He has therefore asked DH if he can buy the house and get a new fixed rate which he thinks will bring his mortgage repayments down to something he can afford. I think the idea is then that DH gets the house when he dies. He's also putting a fair bit of pressure on DH - comments about 'not being able to keep your mum's home that she loved' and 'this place is all I have left'.

I'm freaking out a bit. I don't even know if it's legal - I think it highly unlikely FiL will be a fit state to remain living independently for the next seven years - and if it is legal I am very worried that he'll get himself in a state, stop paying the mortgage, tell no one and put our house at risk. DH, I think, is torn between my anxiety and his feelings towards his DF.

Can anyone talk some sense into me, either way?

OP posts:
SuperLoudPoppingAction · 29/05/2019 19:21

Does your dh have siblings?

liitlepenguin · 29/05/2019 19:23

Does your DH have siblings and is there any equity in the property?

ArfArfBarf · 29/05/2019 19:24

It’s a terrible idea. He needs to downsize.

batvixen123 · 29/05/2019 19:24

One sibling. And yes. I believe there's about £150k equity in the property.

OP posts:
LightDrizzle · 29/05/2019 19:24

Yikes!
I’d make an appointment at the CAB for advice.
I’d be concerned too.

NorthEndGal · 29/05/2019 19:24

Did you fil ever talk about this before with DH?

HappyHammy · 29/05/2019 19:25

Sounds complicated. Could he not just sell the house and downsize or move into some sort of retirement flat. Do you and dh want to inherit the house in the future presuming it wont need to be sold to fund.his care. I'd be cautious about deprivation of assets.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 29/05/2019 19:25

The presence of a sibling makes this so potentially complicated.

greencurry · 29/05/2019 19:26

£150k equity, and how much left on the mortgage?

HappyHammy · 29/05/2019 19:26

The sibling would lose out on any inheritance if dh owned the house which isn't fair.

imsorryiasked · 29/05/2019 19:26

It would open up a can of worms re income tax and inheritance tax so you would definitely need to take proper advice before contemplating it.

batvixen123 · 29/05/2019 19:27

I agree he should downsize but he seems reluctant to. He has made noises about trying to sell but getting no interest but I think he only put it on the market briefly and then took it off again.

I suspect he just doesn't want to sell and is trying to find reasons not to.

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 29/05/2019 19:27

Downsize.
If he won't then, depending in the size of the mortgage, lifetime equity mortgage.

GarthFunkel · 29/05/2019 19:30

If DH doesn't buy it ... will FIL find someone more dodgy that would?

batvixen123 · 29/05/2019 19:31

Apparently only £80k left on the mortgage. And I agree the sibling issue is a major one and another reason I'm anxious about it. I feel like a whole can of worms gets opened either way, whether it's DH having to deal with being financially exposed and not the younger sib, or inheriting and not the other.

FiL asked once before. DH said no then which is why it went on the market but FiL changed his mind, took it off, and came back to press the issue.

As you may be able to tell, I'm very unhappy with this, so might be presenting this whole thing very negatively.

OP posts:
Linus33 · 29/05/2019 19:31

I looked into doing something similar to support my mum to stay in her home but didn't get very far after a mortgage advisor advised that this would be very difficult to do with a 'sitting tenant'.

GU24Mum · 29/05/2019 19:31

I'm pretty sure he'd need to pay a commercial rent on it otherwise it's still treated as being your FIL's for inheritance tax purposes. Agree that you definitely need to take advice (as does your FIL). Could all be very complicated - probably a way to do it but you all need to in with your eyes open and with all the facts. Or walk away fast........!

batvixen123 · 29/05/2019 19:32

If DH doesn't buy it ... will FIL find someone more dodgy that would?

Entirely plausibly. I think that's another of DH's worries - if he says "no" he is leaving FiL in an even more vulnerable situation.

OP posts:
liitlepenguin · 29/05/2019 19:34

Downsize or get the other sibling involved if possible. Sadly I know people in a similar boat. Theirs DF was then approached by a company who wanted to loan him the money if he gave them the whole house in return???!!! Obvs much worse. If it's financially possible for you DH and sibling I would be looking to a solicitor to see if things can be sorted. I would be worried about the more unscrupulous people out there who would take advantage !

batvixen123 · 29/05/2019 19:34

FiL has absolutely no capacity to pay a commercial rent atm. Honestly, I'm unsure he'd be able to pay the mortgage and suspect we'd just end up giving him somewhere to live for free and then having to sell the damn place for care home bills and that is assuming nothing else goes wrong that I haven't thought of.

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ChicCroissant · 29/05/2019 19:35

This sounds like a terrible idea to me, OP. Could the other sibling buy it (although I think that is fraught with difficulties as well).

There was a thread on here I think from someone who did something similar and when the IL passed away couldn't afford to pay the other siblings their inheritance (for some reason, she didn't want to sell the house at that time) so that is also something to bear in mind.

He really needs to sell it Sad

batvixen123 · 29/05/2019 19:39

FiL doesn't want to approach the other sib or even let them know. It's part of a complicated and unhealthy family dynamic. I also don't think the other sib has the money or credit rating to get a mortgage, which doesn't make FiL's plan any less unfair.

OP posts:
batvixen123 · 29/05/2019 19:41

As you may have guessed, I really hate the idea but feel like a cow for it. I hate telling DH that he can't help his dad out and potentially see him lose the family home at the end of his life, but it just feels like such a train wreck waiting to happen.

OP posts:
Supersimpkin · 29/05/2019 20:01

FIL wants you and his DS to finance a home that he can neither afford nor live in in long term.

FIL is in denial about his assets and his future. Whether DH can face tackling him is another matter, so to deal with this tactfully, I would make a list of everything that could go wrong with FILs plan, and talk to an IFA.

I suspect you'll be relieved to find - pretty quickly - that you won't be able to get a mortgage on the house.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 29/05/2019 20:17

Why does your dh need to buy the whole property? Can he not just buy 1/3 thereby paying off the mortgage. Your fil would then need to pay him some rent but more manageable than paying full rent for the property. Any equity remains with fil and can be used to pay for care later or split as inheritance with sibling in the event of his death.

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