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Elderly parents
Original poster

Not a carer, but someone to pop in daily?

29 replies

OldSpeclkledHen · 29/04/2019 15:26

Hiya

My DM is quite independent (washes/dresses/eats) and has all adaptations (stairlift/shower seats/handrails)

She's just recently been discharged from hospital (bulging disc) which is now being treated with strong painkillers... Social Services have just withdrawn the re-enablement team - as she is too independent...

However, I live 50 miles away, her brothers and sister all live 150+ miles away, so we want some eyes on the ground as it were, just to check on her daily and make sure she's ok (as her overall health issues all combined make her a not well women)

I've contacted Age Uk, they weren't particularly helpful...

Where else can I look for help please?

Also have just been filling out the Attendence Allowance form... I don't think she'd even qualify under that!

Help please! Any advice appreciated! Thank You xx

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 29/04/2019 15:28

I’m a self employed housekeeper/companion and this is the sort of thing I do. Advertise locally and I’m sure you’ll find someone.

MariaNovella · 29/04/2019 15:28

That’s the very definition of a carer!

franklyshankly2 · 29/04/2019 15:28

That sounds hard! Would you be able to pay someone to come in once a day? If you put an add on gumtree you could probably find someone but I’m sure you would want to be extra diligent with references etc.

moreismore · 29/04/2019 15:29

Have a look in ‘the lady’. My mum used to do this and that’s where she advertised.

MariaNovella · 29/04/2019 15:32

I really would go through an agency. There are multiple trust issues involved and the likelihood is that your mother will be increasingly dependent and want more help as time goes by. Carer agencies are all geared up to meeting increasing needs.

octonoughtcake3 · 29/04/2019 15:35

My parents have a lady who comes in once a day Monday to Friday for another. She does household chores, watering plants, a bit shopping or whatever is needed. For them this is short term while recovering from operation. It’s self funded.

wigglypiggly · 29/04/2019 15:37

Look at private care agencies where she lives, in some areas the wrvs offer befriending service. Does she have a careline and a keysafe so they can help her if she falls or need help and cant answer the door.

Original poster
OldSpeclkledHen · 29/04/2019 15:46

@MariaNovella not according to social services!! They have discharged her as she's too independent!!

We are happy to pay someone! (Hence the attendance allowance application)

How do you find care agencies though? Sorry I'm a crap at this daughter 🙄🙄

OP posts:
Original poster
OldSpeclkledHen · 29/04/2019 15:47

@wigglypiggly yes, keysafe and alarm pendant too... So really she is quite self sufficient... we all just worry about her being alone most of the time

OP posts:
Redshoeblueshoe · 29/04/2019 15:50

Maybe you could post on the Local boards for the area she lives in, people would know what agencies are in that area

wigglypiggly · 29/04/2019 15:53

Google care agencies in her area, look up their cqc's rating. Does someone coming in. Sometimes local.Church have a befriending service. What about Skype or Facetime, would she be able to do that with you.

GrandmaSharksDentures · 29/04/2019 16:01

I'm sure a local care agency will be able to help you. If you're willing to pay them they will gladly provide what you ask for

Seniorschoolmum · 29/04/2019 16:04

My mum was like this and adamant she didn’t want do-gooders.

We booked a gardener for one afternoon a week. Which meant she had the motivation to get up & tidy, and someone to make a cuppa for. He kindly agreed to ring me if he thought she seemed off colour.
We later added FarmFoods delivery for another day, a home hair dresser and a home manicure once every 10 days. And we visited most weekends.
It was all dm would allow, but it worked for about 6 years.

Original poster
OldSpeclkledHen · 29/04/2019 16:06

Thanks everyone! I've just googled local care agency, and booked initial consultantion for Friday!

Anything I need to ask/worry about?

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 29/04/2019 16:08

Google care agencies in the area then research them and do your own "interview".

If she's local, and willing, she may even be able to put out feelers eg via church or other groups where someone has a friend/family member who would be willing to do this. A parent at DS' school did this for a while for the grandmother of a good friend - she needed a couple of hours work a day and the friend knew it so suggested her grandmother meet and hire her. This works because the problem with gumtree or whatever is you just don't know who you are hiring and your'e not there to keep an eye on things. Although of course, like other home help(nannies, cleaners etc) you can of course also ask for references and CVs and the like.

MariaNovella · 29/04/2019 16:10

If the care agency is any good, they will talk you through it as they know that most adult children of aging parents are clueless!

My father had a gardener once a week, a cleaner twice a week and a weekly appointment at the GP’s surgery. And I would go every other weekend or so.

BlingLoving · 29/04/2019 16:11

OP - I would insist on understanding exactly how carers will be allocated eg is it always the same one, and if she/he is on leave/sick, what is the replacement process because some agencies can be a bit lax about who comes when.

Also, ask what processes they have in place to provide "control" ie what guarantees can they provide about the person arriving on time (within reason) at set days etc. What happens if the person doesn't arrive ie who is informed, when? What is the SLA for this type of thing.

Also be very clear about what is expected - you don't want someone who you think will give the kitchen a quick wipe down who says that's not in their job description. Be specific, and detailed, and insist on some level of flexibility.

OverFedStanley · 29/04/2019 17:02

We have "helpers" in the exact situation with my Mother (to start with things have moved on a bit now)

She was fine eg could do all her personal needs, cooketc but just needed reassurance and someone to talk things over with each day. We went through a local agency and Mum had someone each day for an hour and then 2 hours on a Friday to have a out and about trip.

For us it was great as it got Mum used to having people come in, gave her something to think about and listen to.

Now she is having more care it has been easier to increase this for her.

There have been many problems along the way but the positive out of all of this has been the support she has had from the helpers (absolutely not carers!)

MereDintofPandiculation · 30/04/2019 09:35

Attendance Allowance - remember the phrase "A need that is met is still a need". You say "she has all the adaptations" - that means she has mobility needs. Have you filled in the form writing down all the things she can't do and all the adaptations that have been made? She can't manage stairs, she can't mobilise in the house so you need grab rails, she can't shower so needs a seat in the shower. Presumably she can't have a bath. Can she reach all parts of her body to give them a good wash or do some bit just rely on water running over them? Can she wash her own her or is she reliant on a hairdresser doing that?

Can she manage flights of stairs outside? Can she manage single step, eg doorsteps? Buses, or does she have to drive or take taxis? Have power points been positioned at waist height because she can't reach the floor? I don't know whether it'd be enough to get AA, but that's the frame of mind you need to be in to fill in the form.

Your main problem will be getting her to admit to all those needs. But AA is there to help with all the additional costs you have when you no longer have full mobility, so she should not feel any guilt in claiming it.

Hadalifeonce · 30/04/2019 09:38

Our area has a good neighbour scheme, where people can volunteer for lots of things, driving people to appointments, shops. A bit of gardening, popping in for a cuppa, helping with admin. Most people offer a donation to the cause.

Would something like this be available in your area?

ThePittts · 30/04/2019 09:45

We have this with my Dad, just applied for AA and got the higher amount. A gardener comes in, who has my number, and a cleaner now as well, so a couple of extra eyes on him. It is difficult to watch over them discreetly, and allow them their independence.

notatwork · 30/04/2019 09:46

A friend of mine was a 'homecare instead' carer and washed windows or went shopping, played chess, learnt to knit, chatted over tea etc.
So basically one big job each time and then social interaction.
If its via an agency then they can provide someone if the main contact is on holiday, for example, otherwise The Lady as pp said for a part time companion?

FinallyHere · 01/05/2019 21:03

We had good service from homeinstead.co.uk and from countrycousins.co.uk until caring for DM became a two person job and my lovely mother had to go into a home.

MereDintofPandiculation · 02/05/2019 09:54

so a couple of extra eyes on him. We've had the alarm raised by the milkman, the window cleaner, and the person picking him up for Chapel. Anyone doing a regular job can be given your phone number to ring if they have any worries - every extra person they have contact with is a potential "eyes on the ground".

Raver84 · 05/05/2019 06:44

I'd suggest getting a care line. You can ask for telephone welfare checks at a certain time each day and if there isn't a response then a friend, neighbour, yourself or contact will be called to check the person is OK. Get a key safe. It will give them someone to talk to everyday too.

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