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Elderly parents

Help. MiL shoplifting

27 replies

Tinlegs · 15/05/2018 20:04

MiL is fiercely independent, has money, lives alone about 4 hours from us, very mobile, 86 years old.

Her only "weakness" is depression (medicated) and an absolute fear of paper / bureaucracy/ admin tasks. So we do all that. She also gets very worked up about guests (taking days to prepare and making herself ill with worrying) so we have "banned" visitors to the house and help her to organise meeting friends in tea shops, hotels etc.

She knows loads of people and is out most days. She even "cares" for a younger and less mobile neighbour who she has been visiting in hospital about 12 mikes away. She still drives but the bus is free so she uses that mostly.

She had a visit from the police. She has been twice seen on CCTV in a shop in the hospital town stealing - a purse and a scarf. She was too distraught to talk to the police who called adult SS (she has no dealing with them but assume it was to get someone on her side) as she refused to allow us to be called.

She finally told DH today. We have called the police for a chat and await that. We can get her legal help and may phone the shop and pay.

She also searched the house and can't find the items, which is weird.

Is this a sign of something. Age? Two siblings died of dementia at about her age (very late onset) but depression?

We can solve practical stuff but this is going to hugely knock her confidence. We have long term plans to move her near us but she will lose all her clubs and social life so she is not keen until absolutely necessary.

She is distraught. Not sleeping, eating.

Ideas?

OP posts:
KhalliWalli · 18/05/2018 11:16

Oh, and the way we dealt with it was to make a joke of it. Mum was really on the edge mentally and we were very worried about her. But we'd say things like, "oh, don't leave your cup of tea there, Doris [Mum] will steal it!". And on the TV they were talking about some criminal mastermind and we were like, "Ah, they obviously haven't met our Doris!"

This approach might not work with your MIL, but it helped in our case. And DM never stole again.

Tinlegs · 24/05/2018 20:12

Spoke to Police today. Apparently she gave back the purse when they were at her house but could not find the scarf which is "high value". She couldn't just have shoplifted in Asda, could she? Oh no. Posh all the way.

Doctor, handing back one item and we have offered to pay for the other. She will still have to be interviewed but they may well just drop the charges or something. Fingers crossed.

Anyone know the law on if she does it again? (Scotland)? DH is going to talk to her. It must get be useful to know what might come next.

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