Anyone send their two children to 2 different schools ( state and private)

[Purgatory]

I am distressed

essentially ds ( july born ) 6yr is having difficulties at his prep school it has been suggested that he leaves for another schhol to be honest he is bright but just it take a little longer to click and is not a big talker ifyswi

DD sept born 5yr is sailing through

both love school and have some friends, I love the school but appreciate thatthey are being honest and do have my dss needs at heart

but now torn as logistically it is a nightmare to have them at two school and i think it will breed resentmnt later in life has anyone managed it ok?

I haven't managed this yet, but we will have one in state one in private when DS2 starts school. The simple reason is that we cannot afford private school but DS1 who starts reception in September has been offered a substantial bursary because he is very bright and I think the pushy academic environment of the prep school will be great for him. DS2 on the other hand (showing no signs of being gifted like his brother) would be far less likely to flourish in such an environment so unless he suddenly changes direction, he'll go to a regular state school (and have a great time there I'm sure).

Your son's school is suggesting that he's not good enough? Surely it's their job to make sure he is not having difficulties!

I would have thought since you are paying for your childs education that the school should be helping him progress at his speed. Are they basically saying he is not clever enough to be a the school?

yes i think they are and i think in my heart of hearts i recognise it too

ezxtra support is 40 an hour on top of fees afford it plus it not set up for the tail end of the class
secondly i think there will come a time in the next year that he will become aware of his struggles and I think it will affect his confidence

so sad as i am angry and want to move both but feel a disservice to my daughter as the state school isnt really set up to support her.

It is a possibility that this may happen - DS has SN so is best provided for within the state system - DD is another matter entirely

Is your ds yr1 or yr2? Seems very young to say he's struggling really.

DS1's school normally flag concerns when they're aged 9 so there's time to start thinking about different senior schools.

I would perhaps look for a different school for both your dc's as wouldn't be terribly happy at them judging your ds when he's still so young.

My brother went to Private School from aged 6 I think, I went to state school for my whole school life. We get on really really well and always have done. No resentment at all. He is a 'bit strange' and doesn't have many friends in our area but not really an issue as he now lives abroad and has loads of like minded friends where he lives!

I removed my younger son from the same prep school as his older brother went to after year 2. The school were happy to let him stay but as in the title it was a'prep' school and therefore prepared boys for common entrance. I could also see how his confidence was going and this would only get worse as school got more difficult.

His older brother stayed and followed the 'traditional' path to a top public school and the younger one went to a school specialising in dyslexia/dyspraxia for 3 years and then back into a less pressurised main stream. They are 3 years apart and very close and have always got on well. There is no resentment and they both understood perfectly why they took different routes educationally.

I would advise moving your son into a more suitable environment and leaving your daughter where she is. My son had made good friends in his first 2 years and has maintained contact with them (he is now 15).

yes had one at private one at special school and one at state school. Yo have to do what is right for each particular child and if that means 3 schools then its 3 schools. Private school isn't always the best option it depends on the child.

is there a small state school anywhere within reach that you could visit? You need to find the right place for him. I find it very telling when I have been to schools and laid my cards on the table to watch the reaction. I am very lucky that all my boys are in schools where they are wanted for who they are, not for whatever they can bring to the school in terms of league tables.

logistically you have to be organised.At primary/prep level I would frequently get letter of the week and show and tell days muddled.

eat your veg you sound very organised well done

what do you do in theres a diary clash ? and you have to be at both schools on the same night?

This doesn't paint your school in a good light.How can you say you love the school?

I wouldn't want my child in a school where this was the view of him.

He is a failure at 6?

I hope your view of him isn't shaped by this as lots of children start slower and then excel.

The C4 genius of science programme the other night was a real illustration of this which I'll quote from just to perhaps give you something to consider.

Stephen Hawking, one of the scientists profiled, learnt to read late and did not like conventional lessons.His handwriting was 'terrible' and he was not competitive, said his mother. He was often near the bottom of the class.But by the age of 10, he knew he wanted to be a scientist. He liked designing complicated Meccano models, and at the age of 16 he and his school friends designed and built a working computer out of parts of old machines.

Perhaps this is your son who was been written off by his school.Perhaps not but all children cannot be categorised.

I would guarantee the prep results are excellent if they cherry pick children, dropping them as needed.

My dd(June) didn't start to excel to beyond age 6.She is doing very well.

We can afford private but choose state.

Dd's school friends are similar to her from good families (different economic backgrounds)who expect their children to do well and support them with several of them who are very academic,others that excel at music or art and really the family support is the main factor.

Why do you think state school won't support your dd? Again it may just be maturity that is helping her and she may level out with some younger children in her year group.
Or she may be gifted and again a state school with your help can accommodate her.All depends on the individual school and the value placed on learning at home.

I would move them both to another school (state or private) and get a tutor to help your ds,give him some confidence and reinforce what is learnt at school(£25/hr average here) although I do think at this age you can do alot yourself as a parent to help if you use the available resources.

State schools do not produce rough individuals just a normal cross section of society with some extremely bright cultured individuals thrown in!

If you are a 2 parent family you each go to one of the schools. If not, weigh up which is more important or possibly send a grandma!

a couple of points;

i think you are being a little naive to think that moving your 6 year old to a state school because he is struggling will help. my experience is that issues such as dyslexia are often not well catered for in state school.

At 6 he is too young to be formally diagnosed for dyslexia- an ed psych wont do this till 7. You need to find out realistically what the issue is and find out the best way to address it.

This might be a different private school- if so find one that does transport.

If not, you will find that most state primaries do before and afterschool clubs- we paid around £12 per day all in. alternate days between picking them up so neither feel left out

Purgatory, mine are at different private schools, so I can't comment on the private/state issue, but can comment on the 'diary clash' issue. We've had one major clash this year: both schools had sports days on the same day. I went to one and DH went to the other. DD has had to go to after-school care a couple of times so I can do after-school things at DS's school, and DS has been to prep a couple of times for the same reason. But that side of it hasn't been a problem. It matters far more to me that they both be at the schools that suit them and their needs best.

OH went to a state grammar, his siblings went to a private school. He has no issue with his siblings, but there is definite resentment towards his parents, he was unhappy at his school as well, which didn't help matters.

You kids will probably end up at different schools at some point. So the diary class will happen.

I think you either know a lot about the local state schools, so have a good reason for saying State school will not suit your daughter. However to beware, that lots of difficulties (like dyslexia) show up more as a child gets older. Lots of children can compensate for up to a point, then begin to struggle.
However if you do not know much about the local state schools I wouldn't rush to conclusions. Go and look and find out more.

Finally, I have a friend whose two boys went toa State primary, then went to a priate boys grammar. The older one loved it. The younger one hated it, and begged for most of 2 years to be taken out and sent to a local State secondary. He was eventually and thrived. I do have other friends who have choosen all kinds of mixes of schools for their children. And around here most of the preps are single sex, so you would be juggling two schools anyway.

At primary age I went to a state school and my sister went to public school.

At secondary age I was sent away to boarding school and she went to state school.

Resentment? Fuck yes!

I know parents who do this and how the children react to it seems to be, as ever in life, entirely dependent upon how the parents present it.

If you make it very very clear that this is the right thing, that no one is being sold short - on the contrary, everyone is getting what's right for them - then you should avoid conflict.

And don't worry about the seperate schools thing. Anyone with children at primary and secondary has the same thing. It works out.

Puragatory re clashes. Parents evenings at the special school are always after school and end of term things at the private school are always a fortnight before the state school.

School plays in the summer usually run for more than one night but if they don't then grandparents went to one and we went to the other.

Sports days and school fêtes are the worst. Fêtes get split with DH and grandparents if the ds concerned really wants to go and sports days are sometimes missed but as only one ds is sporty its not been an issue. I've missed 2 maybe 3 out of a possible 27 sports days. Blimey 27 sports days surely not! At least ds1 is now going into the 6th form so sports days are a thing of the past for him.

We have had three children at three different schools - state secondary, state primary, private pre-school. The logistics can be a complicating factor, and the more children you have in a school, the greater your knowledge of the school, IMO, which helps you manage your children's education.

As long as your DCs know that you are doing your very best for each of them according to their needs, there is no need to worry.

Up until this year, we had DS at private school and DD at a state special school. They get on very well and, other than the odd diary clash, the arrangement worked well. We have now moved DS to a village primary because we have moved house. DD has stayed where she was, with transport. The family dynamic doesn't appear to have changed at all.

my brother went to state school, I went private, for various good reasons. He was a rebel by nature and used to truant when I was on holiday and he wasn't and to some extent gave up on school. Whether this would have happened anyway, who knows. He's fine now but it was difficult for me and my parents at the time - he just did his own thing !

We pulled our eldest son (now 13) out of a failing state school a few years back. He is in a private school and thriving. The problem is we also have 8 year old twins and sending them all to private school is simply not possible (if we want to have any sort of life at all!). We could, I think, justify this to them, as our eldest son is not particularly academic and benefits from smaller class sizes - the other two are very bright. I think you have to pick the school which is right for each individual child.

However, the state secondary schools here are dismal, so we are having to move. Of course, our options for state schools are very limited as we are not religious (and I could go on and on about how I feel about that for years!!).

As for the practical problems of having kids at different schools, I have always had that due to the age difference. Do kids really need their mums to go to every sports day etc? I don't think so. I haven't been to my eldest one's sports day since he stated secondary school and I decided not to go to my youngest ones this year. They were very chilled about it and, frankly, I'm happy not to have to go!!

I'm one of four - at secondary stage, 2 went private, 2 went state - 3 schools in total. Was never an issue for any of us - other than one brother who was sent to a school that wasn't right for him (ie. the issue wasn't fee vs non feeing paying, simply that the school didn't really suit him)